PureInsight | March 22, 2004
[PureInsight.org] Before I obtained the Fa, life was just a wishing well that I could never walk away from. That is exactly what my life was like. It was full of hopes, filled with doubt and much pursuit. From childhood to my young adulthood I encountered many troubles. My family did not seem to be family though they seemed outwardly to appear as a family in society should appear. Many people, including people of my own age looked down upon me for many reasons, yet I often did not understand why. Of course living among people, feeling as though I was alone could only lead to one thing without guidance. I had a strong wish to want to fit in. After I developed this wish, I also developed all kinds of mindsets inside of me.
At one time, I even started stealing from others. But since I was often into religion, I saw the error and the pain that I caused, and stopped stealing. But theft is only one demon among many. Throughout most of my life I was by myself and only had a few friends, but I would do almost anything just to keep company with them, even if it was wrong. After high school I searched for my next journey in life. For many young people college is usually the next place to go. I enjoyed the art of drawing very much, so I chose animation as the field to major in. While attending school I did not pay much attention at all to what kind of work I was doing. Most of the time I blindly followed others into the realm of doing bad things. I started using drugs and drinking alcohol, as if I did not know they could harm me and destroy my person. For almost two years, I lived day by day, with little to eat, and barely paying the bills that I owed.
By the end of my college education I had grown tired of those bad things and started to search the world for something to set me free, or at least to help me see the truth. Then, in December of 2002, while searching around on the Internet for meditation information I came across the web site, falundafa.org. Suddenly I felt as if I had been waiting all my life for that moment. I trust that I truly had been waiting for it, for a long time - longer then my life in this society can account for. Soon I finished school and moved back home to Louisiana. There I began to read Zhuan Falun and to cultivate. Eventually I met another practitioner who lived about an hour away. He taught me the correct way to do the exercises. From then on I tried to concentrate on doing my best in cultivation. But soon I became like an ever-lasting yoyo, rolling up and down, in the categories of right and wrong. Friends became the tempters who caused me to see my weaknesses, and caused me to fall. For half a year I went on stumbling and rising with the practice.
Then in July, I attended the Fahui in Washington D.C. My experience there was like none other. I saw the true vastness of the Fa and how many lives it had come to save. I attended the practice with the practitioner who had taught me the exercises. When I heard Teacher talk, I felt as if he were talking to each of us individually, yet all of us at the same time. This also made me realize how horrible my diligence was. The next day I marched in the parade along side the rest of the practitioners and experienced an even more serene environment. I thought for sure just being there that weekend would help me, and help to improve me. It did, but I placed too many hopes on it. Soon after returning home, I fell again. I fell back among my old friends and my previous wrongdoing, like lust and drugs.
During that time a female I met at work came into my life. We became good friends and unfortunately indulged in things we should not have. She also struggled with drugs and lust, and other things. For the entire time of my trip back to the human level all I could think about was how diligent I wanted to be. If I only had one more chance there would be no second guess and no second way. One day while talking with that female she said something that shed a lot of light on the road I had taken. She told me, "Nobody is good enough any more. Everyone needs some drug or something to be complete. It's pathetic." I realized immediately how dependent I had become on external things. This made me push forward to study the Fa once again. And I did. I started to study diligently and realized we are each responsible for our own fate. I knew that no one was going to help me, and I had to do this myself. Teacher said "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master." (From Lectuer One of Zhuan Falun) That is so true. At once I threw away my bad habits and started to cultivate the way I should, in a steady and timely manner, never slowing for anything or any one. Since then I have come into the Fa and realized how important it is to cultivate our xinxing and to always pay attention to it.
Now I clarify the truth, as a Dafa disciple should, whether it is to someone I know or someone I do not, because I understand how important it is for them to choose their own future. That female who had helped me fall, yet also helped me awaken, did not fade from my life. She became a good friend, and came to see what Teacher's Fa had done in my life. Now she too has rid herself of many bad things and come to practice Dafa. Throughout my journey of releasing attachments and elevating myself in this world, only one thing can come to mind that Teacher said that fits perfectly with my cultivation and many others cultivation. He said: "You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao." (From Lecture Four of Zhuan Falun) And that is the real truth. Teacher turned a wishing well into a river of truth and I can only thank our benevolent Master for giving me however many chances it took to get one thing right.