PureInsight | September 19, 2018
[PureInsight.org] It has been more than 20 years since I first obtained the Fa. I thought I have eliminated many of my attachments and I felt good about myself. In daily life, I often pointed out the shortcomings of my daughter who is also a practitioner. For example, I would say that what she did was not meeting the Fa’s standard. One day, my daughter said to me, “Mom, you are so pushy.” At that time, I replied, “Your father has passed away, who can I be pushy with?” I didn’t really realize my shortcomings.
On May 13 this year, our Fa study group held a celebration. Every fellow practitioner brought fruit, cake and other offerings to Master’s photo. I also prepared some offerings. However, maybe because the table with offerings was already full, a practitioner told me that they didn’t need the offerings that I brought. I was stricken to the heart at that moment. I told the practitioner right away that I wanted to bear half of the cost of cakes. But I was rejected. I became angry immediately. My tears suddenly flowed down. I felt that fellow practitioners looked down upon me. I lit an incense, but it fell down. I said: Since I couldn’t pass the test today, I will leave it to next time.
I thought about what happened. I felt that I was not doing the right thing. Everyone wants his own efforts to be recognized and praised by others. This is normal for ordinary people. However, cultivation is to go beyond ordinary people’s thoughts and ideas. There is “selfishness” and “attachment to self” in expecting recognition from other people. This reflects our fear of being humiliated. If others praise me, I will be very happy. In turn, if others deny me, especially deny my efforts, I will be indignant. Thinking about Han Xin, who endured the humiliation of crawling between someone’s legs, what I encountered is nothing. I really need to improve my xinxing, eliminate the attachments to human world and eliminate the attachment of selfishness, showing off, and proving myself. Whether or not other practitioners accept my offerings, a pure heart to respect our Master is enough. The cake or fruit doesn’t matter at all.
At first I could hardly hold my tears and then I realized my attachments. During that time, my feelings changed from ups and downs to peaceful. I understand what master said, “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” （《Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX》（Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference））
If there are any shortcomings in my understanding, please kindly point it out.
Translated from http://www.zhengjian.org/node/245815