I Am 20 Years behind Others

HuiJue, a Dafa Disciple from Mainland China

PureInsight | February 29, 2024

[PureInsight.org] As a disciple of Falun Dafa from Master's hometown, I feel fortunate to have obtained the Fa early; but regretfully, I am not adept at cultivation. After reading through the first edition of Zhuan Falun, my understanding remained at the superficial level of Falun Dafa promoting people to be good. I knew I should develop compassion; but my mind was filled with the Communist Party culture way of thinking since childhood. Under the guise of cultivation, I found myself entangled in Communist Party culture and various attachments, as a result of which, it is not difficult to imagine, even though I thought I selflessly contributed to others, I often received a cold response in return. Mishandling family relationships also affected the rectification of the Fa, leading to a general distance, lack of understanding from ordinary people, and obstacles in saving sentient beings.

Under the shield of familial affection, it is often easier for people to fail to consistently regard themselves as cultivators by relaxing their righteous thoughts, but falling into ordinary ways. This is especially true when cultivating alongside family members, such as with my husband. My family relationship has always been poor. Driven by jealousy, I often measure others using the Fa. However, what Master said in 'To the Shandong Assistance Center of Dafa' from Essentials for Further Advancement, that it is the fundamental difference between practitioners of Dafa and ordinary people to look inward when encountering issues.

Therefore, I silently made a decision to start cultivating myself with small things around me, seizing every opportunity to improve my Xinxing. First, I learned to humble myself, and abandon the assertive and self-centered attitude I used to have in my marital relationship. In terms of the principles of the Fa, I realized that this was a toxin of Communist Party culture. Traditional culture emphasizes women being gentle and humble. Master said in “Creating AnewHong Yin V, “Returning to tradition puts you on the path to Heaven.”

In daily life, I try my best to understand my husband and empathize with the hardships he faced in providing for the family within the overall economic context. For example, my husband mainly works in vehicle maintenance—labor work. I, on the other hand, have never done such a job. I cannot provide any help, and my husband has been doing all the work himself, struggling to make money. In the past, I often focused on his shortcomings, always thinking that if things were done my way, making money would be easier. Complaints replaced care, and during times of pointing fingers with resentment, I ignored my husband's hard work and dedication, losing the understanding, consideration, and even respect for him. Facing my husband's caring and thoughtfulness, I took it for granted. In such a mindset, cultivating kindness becomes even more elusive. I forgot what Master pointed out in Fa Teaching Given at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Practitioners, "Could feelings sustain a marriage? Not only are there moral obligations for human beings, but also, a husband and wife are indebted to each other. "

I started to cultivate myself solidly after I realized it. I came to understand that in the process of "cultivation", there was also an element of practice—doing things in accordance with the requirements set forth in Master's teachings. Therefore, whenever my husband needs to clean the utility vehicle, I set aside my aversion to getting dirty (as the maintenance equipment is covered by dark motor oil everywhere), put on gloves, and proactively assist him in moving goods around. Since many of these items are heavy iron tools, I believe that contributing even a little effort on my part can lighten my husband's workload, at least providing some mental support for him.

When facing my husband's irrational anger, I try to avoid arguing with him and instead looking inward, examining which aspect of myself has triggered it and working to eliminate it. Often, when I do better in "looking inward," my husband's cultivation state also improves significantly. It involves continuously correcting myself in the small details of daily life, elevating myself in accordance with the principles of the Fa.

One exceptionally hot afternoon, after finishing lunch, my husband, aware of a customer urgently needing a piece of equipment, set aside his chopsticks and skipped his nap, immediately squatting down to work. Without any thought, I abandoned the half-eaten bowl of rice, dragged over an industrial-sized fan (it was a bit cumbersome to move), plugged it in, and hurriedly provided cooling air for my husband. In response, he smiled and said, "Finally showing some consideration (in dialect, meaning thoughtfulness)." I smiled and said softly, "It's kindness, pure kindness, without any distracting thoughts, emanating from deep within the soul, not emotions—emotions are personal, and I don't want them." This is the kindness I have cultivated in Dafa, the profound kindness buried deep within my life for countless lifetimes, finally emerging through cultivation. In that moment, my inner state was so peaceful and pure, with a serene breeze and a feeling that every cell in my body, from the core to the surface, was filled with an indescribable and marvelous sensation.

Through the experiences mentioned above, I have also come to realize that cultivation often manifests in subtle and ordinary aspects of life. The places where you are least likely to notice are often the easiest for attachments to slip through and elude your grasp.

Due to his lack of diligence (with my personal cultivation factors contributing here as well), my husband has been disturbed by the phantom of gout arranged by the old forces. I often focus on his shortcomings of not being diligent and persistently using his phone, thinking that he is tarnishing Dafa. I have tended to complain and criticize more, with fewer righteous thoughts in line with the principles of the Fa. Naturally, my husband's state does not improve, and the few remaining righteous thoughts are worn away.

I know that it is time for me to elevate in my cultivation again. Instead of focusing on him, I need to look at where I fall short of the requirements of the Fa. Firstly, I treat him with benevolence. When he unreasonably loses his temper, especially when his physical endurance is pushed to the limit, I try my best to endure and look inward to find my own attachments.

The weather in the southern region is quite hot, with minimal temperature differences between morning and evening. The scorching heat is unbearable, and almost every household uses air conditioning when sleeping especially, and this is a common practice. One day, my husband felt uncomfortable again and insisted that I should not turn on the air conditioner. I suggested covering him with more blankets while keeping the air conditioner on, but he refused. Although reluctant, as our household dynamics had typically revolved around my preferences before, with him adjusting to meet my needs, I understood that cultivators must let go. Therefore, I turned off the air conditioner and only used the fan. However, that was not acceptable either. He would not allow the fan to blow directly. Feeling a bit unsettled, I tried blowing the fan to me; but he still insisted on either not using the fan at all or having it blow toward the ceiling.

Facing the high temperature of over thirty degrees Celsius indoors, my deeply entrenched attachment to completely let go of selfishness and ego was touched. I could not accept it anymore and firmly insisted on having the fan blow towards me. My husband did not say anything more. However, as I laid on the bed for a moment, I unconsciously uttered, "Cultivation is for him." Immediately, I sat up, swiftly adjusted the fan as per my husband's request, and laid back on the bed.

However, I could not sleep at all because of all the sweat. Eventually, I gave up the large bed, opting to lie on the windowsill. Without thinking about whether it was hot or not, I recited the nine-word mantra in my mind. I felt a faint, cool breeze coming through, and before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. I suddenly felt someone standing beside me. Opening my eyes, I saw my husband adjusting the fan next to me. Without thinking, I blurted out, "I don't want it blowing directly at me". At that moment, the gentle breeze was just right, and having the fan blow to me directly would be uncomfortable. Surprisingly, my husband asked, "You don't want it blowing directly at you again!?"

No, I do not need the fan blowing directly at me because I am on the way to true cultivation. By letting go of attachments in small matters, and maximizing selflessness, Master has brought a cool breeze to alleviate the summer heat for me.

Writing up to this point, there was an incident that left a deep impression on me. Before July 20, 1999, I attended a Falun Dafa calligraphy and painting exhibition organized by practitioners in Changchun. After the exhibition, I, along with some local practitioners from Changchun who had obtained the Fa early (many of them had attended Master's lectures), were waiting for a ride on the first floor of the stadium. Suddenly, a retired female fellow practitioner jogged ahead. Before I could react, a jeep emerged from the parking lot. It turned out that the practitioner had taken the initiative to help open the large iron gate for someone and assisted in closing it after the car left. At that time, my understanding was limited. In fact, Master was trying to make me understand through the fellow practitioner's actions that I needed to cultivate diligently. However, at that moment, I felt a bit uncomfortable internally. I thought the fellow practitioner was a bit too exaggerated. I failed to see in the fellow practitioner the kindness and goodness that stemmed from actively assimilating to the principles of Dafa, including the humility and modesty that came from removing the influences of Communist Party culture.

As from now, I have just begun truly cultivating, and I now understand the fellow practitioner. In this aspect, I find myself more than 20 years behind that practitioner from years ago.

Chinese version: https://www.zhengjian.org/node/286674


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