PureInsight | October 28, 2020
[Pureinsight.org] My experience looking inwards was an important turning point in my cultivation journey. After each improvement, Master gives me a clear display of the principles, which makes me happy and treat others compassionately.
Cultivation Brightens the Darkness
About a year ago I joined a company, and a colleague was arranged to teach me how to do the work. I am an earnest worker who thinks of ways to understand the work on my own. I barely make mistakes when working and was recognized by my supervisor. One time there was a small mistake that was not my fault because I followed the instruction manual for writing business material. When I found out that the previous colleague received training, I felt that it was unfair. I felt like if I had that kind of training, then this small mistake would not have been made. I also had an attachment to seeking reputation and did not want to face negative comments from others. I completely forgot I was a practitioner and ranted about the difficulties and dissatisfactions I encountered to colleague A who trained my previous colleague. Prior to this, colleague A was warmhearted and helped me. Perhaps my attachment to being treated unfairly was exploited by the old forces.
Two days after I complained to colleague A, I needed to clarify something and was told to go to my boss instead of her if I had any questions. If I could not get her help, I would face lots of difficulties. I originally wanted to have a good relationship with all my colleagues and did not imagine this was how things would turn out. I must spend more time solving things on my own. But because this was a team, it was not possible to avoid work emails. I feared that mistakes would be made. I thought to myself, “If I can no longer send emails, then I should just ask her in person. As I stood up and was about to open my mouth, she also stood up in front of everyone and pushed me back saying she was very busy and told me not to come to her. However, because she was responsible for the project, who else would I go to? I sat down awkwardly in front of everyone, not knowing what was wrong. She also embarrassed me later at work, but I was able to endure. Even when I greeted her in the morning she just ignored it. Another time we ran into each other it was even more ridiculous because she tried to dodge me by hiding in the waiting room. Even though I felt rough inside, I was still a practitioner. So no matter how she treated me, I would continue to greet her despite how bitter I may have felt.
Later I heard she would become a permanent employee. I felt that she lacked the spirit of teamwork. How would such a big company have this kind of person? This kind of thought kept emerging in my mind, and I felt bitter inside. I started looking inward. When she was nice to me, I did not feel unfairly treated. Now she was not nice, so I felt unfairly treated. This has been brought up by Master in “Realms” from Essentials for Further Advancement, “A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” This attachment to jealousy was clearly described, so why had I not gotten rid of it yet? I also realized I should not have gone to her to complain about my problems. I had to learn everything myself without having someone train me. I was ashamed of myself. How could I forget that I was a practitioner and argue with ordinary people to ask for fairness? This was a test for me, but I clearly missed a precious cultivation opportunity.
After a while, I begin to really reverse my heart. I stopped having bad thoughts about her. Regardless of her attitude towards me, I let go of our previous issues. Also, I admonished myself that as a cultivator, I must let co-workers see the beauty of Dafa. Slowly, I completely let go of my attachment. When I saw her, I felt more natural. Finally, one day I voluntarily talked to her. Maybe she felt my sincerity and did not reject me. From then on I experienced what Master has discussed in Zhuan Falun, “If you can do that, you will always find that there is light at the end of the tunnel.” She went back to warmheartedly helping me again like before. It was like nothing bad happened at all. Many times, she also sent me emails hinting that she would help me. Our relationship has fully recovered back to normal. Everything I experienced was a show. This was my first time in cultivation truly looking inward and finding my first turning point. If one cultivates and changes oneself, then there will be a turnaround. What’s waiting for us must be light at the end of the tunnel. Also, I understood that one must be down to earth during cultivation and remove all attachments; only then will everything change for the better.
Master Reveals: Looking Inward Selflessly Is the Standard
After a period of hard work looking inward, digging up attachments, and practicing being down to earth, I gradually entered a calm state. What happened later only made me completely understand that my previous inward search was not genuine.
One morning, a family member’s attitude disciplining children was not very good. Although I did not get angry, I still wanted to warn him, hoping that he could change his attitude. In fact, if one is trying to persuade someone else, isn’t that measuring others with one’s own standards? Even if one’s surface attitude is good, if one wants to impose upon others with one’s own intentions, the other party will feel that impure substance. Why would they listen to my words? Moreover, imposing one’s own knowledge on others will cause them pain. Although there was no conflict with him on the surface and I was not moved, I did not pass the test well. At the next test, I gained a deeper understanding of the essence of looking inwards, which became an important turning point in my cultivation.
The next test came immediately when my family and I were ready to go shopping. After getting in the car, I mentioned going to the bank first, and he suddenly became angry because I always forget to arrange in advance. Looking at his angry face, I was about to explain myself but instead remained silent. I thought to myself that I must pass this test well this time. Then he repeated himself. I had been admonishing myself that when others treat me poorly, it must be my own problem. Then I started to think from his point of view. If I were driving, I would want others to tell me the destination from the start. This time I calmly apologized to him and said that I would tell him in advance next time.
After getting out of the car, a sentence from “What is Forbearance (Ren)?” in Master’s book Essentials for Further Advancement suddenly came to mind, “Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing.” I realized that one must forbear not only at the beginning of cultivation, but also when advancing to higher levels. This forbearance has its own levels. Although one can basically achieve forbearance without being moved, that is not the highest level of forbearance. Only when one is completely accepting without wanting to explain oneself in the slightest has one reached the standard. Now Master requires me to forbear selflessly. Immediately afterwards, an inexpressible energy entered my body, and Master gave me the feeling of compassion. At that moment, I felt that everyone in the world was so precious. Tears of compassion rolled down my cheeks, and I felt every cell in my body bloom with joy. Master took away the bad things from me. The feeling of openness and great victory made me want time to stop and make that moment eternal…
I found that although I was not moved by the first test of the day, I did not have this feeling of ascension, but the second time when I really looked inwards selflessly, I was greatly rewarded with the feeling of compassion. I realized that what my previous looking inward and not being moved were selfish. I did not want to drop in level. I felt that if I tried hard to be unmoved, that was looking inward. But now I deeply understand that such inward looking does not meet the standard. Master gave me the idea that looking inwards selflessly was meeting the standard. I realized that looking inward from the other party’s perspective is truly looking inward. Only then can I escape selfishness, cultivate goodness, and cultivate compassion. No wonder when I shared with my fellow practitioner family member about how I dug deep into my attachments and thought I was sincerely looking inward, he told me that I was not really looking inward. Now that I think about it, was Master using his mouth to point out the problem? This time I did not explain to him how I looked inwards and instead just asked him if he thought I had looked inward. He said with satisfaction, “This time you looked inwards.” He then said, “When many people encounter conflicts, the first thing they think of is not what they did wrong, but instead that others created the conflict to allow them to increase their tolerance. This thinking causes them to not actually cultivate themselves, find their own shortcomings, and change, so the same conflicts recur.” I then realized that I had cultivated for such a long time thinking I always looked inward, dug up attachments, and cultivated solidly when in reality I did not meet the standard.
After going through this inward search, I knew that this was an important turning point in my cultivation. Although the test associated with this breakthrough did not seem grand, I finally understood the essence of looking inward, which allowed me to transform my thinking from selfishness to selflessness and truly cultivate compassion. Only then can we save more sentient beings.
The above is my understanding. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/259961