Saying Goodbye to the Fake Me Standing on the Spire

Hui Si, a Dafa Disciple in China

PureInsight | March 4, 2019

[] My father (fellow practitioner) has been saying I am an arrogant person for several years, but I did not agree. Why? Because I used to do human resources work, where rapport comes first. No matter who we met, we would greet them with a smile. Fellow practitioners also said I had good rapport and gave people a feeling of closeness. I could get along with anyone. This was also a strength when it came to clarifying the truth. How could I be arrogant? So I never really took this problem seriously.

A few days ago, my father scolded my sister (fellow practitioner) and I harshly. My sister said my father called me arrogant, a showoff, unlike a practitioner, and other nasty things. I went to practice driving yesterday. My reactions have been slow recently because I have to memorize too much work in school. I’m no longer as quick-witted as I once was. I constantly misplace things. Why was my father scolding me in the early morning, which made me miss my driving practice? It was because I needed to improve myself based on the Fa and look inwards. All these years I thought I was so smart, capable, and right. I wanted to be first at everything, and everything had to have a winner and a loser. I was like an arrogant general, like someone standing on a spire looking over others. I felt uncomfortable when I saw others who were less intelligent or slow. Sometimes I was annoyed at my father’s slow reactions and commented on it. When I was practicing driving, I became delighted and pleased when I learned more quickly than others. “I am better.” If someone surpassed me slightly, I became irritated. How could he be better than me? I should be the best. When I saw some people drive while chatting on their phones, I became upset. What kind of principles do they have!

While studying the Fa with my mother (fellow practitioner), Master’s Fa enlightened me, “It will be a high-energy matter that is alive and that has its own intelligence” (Zhuan Falun). Indeed, why was I slower at learning how to drive during the day? It was because I lost intelligence. Where does intelligence come from? High-energy matter. Where does high-energy matter come from? The Fa. I had not been keeping up with the Fa in recent days. Without the Fa’s power, I was just an ordinary person. My intelligence and cleverness all came from the Fa, yet I always thought I was great, standing atop the spire not knowing how high the heavens were. Isn’t that greedy? Isn’t that the arrogance my father was talking about? The Ultimate Goal of Communism says arrogance is a demon nature. How frightening that I only just realized it.

My sister told me when she used to work for Taiwan enterprises, someone in her department was very capable but always disobeyed management. One day the Taiwanese manager mentioned that mainland Chinese people are capable but so arrogant, yet Taiwanese people are the exact opposite: the more capable people are, the more humble they become. My sister’s words shocked me. Was that true? In my mind I always thought people who were capable were entitled to being arrogant. It was in fact not the case. I remembered fellow practitioners asking Master and why Master did not have an authoritative appearance.

Why did I have such arrogance? One reason was the communist party’s poisonous notions: “Women are strong and smart” (Hong Yin IIIYin and Yang Reversed). Another was the ideology of “great, glorious and correct” mentioned in Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. Also The Ultimate Goal of Communism mentioned that those who grew up under the communist party’s rule and lost traditional culture did not understand elderly respect and humility. The old forces also injected their own factors. From a young age my parents did not live together, and I grew up bullied by others. In order to feel better about myself, I studied hard and tried to compete in everything in order to show that I was capable. On the surface it seemed like I had rapport and could get along with others easily, but deep down I looked down on everything. I respected very few people. It was as if I was second only to God. Why did I have to be the best? Furthermore, my abilities were given by Master. Even as I write this article, the old forces inject thoughts into my mind, “You’re great. You’re capable. You can write articles.” I do not have any abilities. If I leave Dafa, I am nothing. Everything good was given by Master. What is there to show off? I always thought that my proclivity for speaking quickly was due to my personality. When I realized that arrogance also contributed to it, my heart suddenly calmed down from a lofty state. My long-lasting attachment to jealousy also faded away.

From now on, I will completely eliminate my arrogance, put myself lower, and be a more humble person. I will be a person at the bottom propping others up. I will no longer be greedy. Thank you Master. Thank you Dafa.

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