When I Looked Within, I Found Many Attachments to My Surprise

A Dafa disciple in Hebei, China

PureInsight | May 31, 2019

[PureInsight.org] This morning, I saw a parent in a teacher’s office. She was complaining because teacher A told her child to leave. This originally had nothing to do with me, but since I saw her, I explained to her that teacher A must have told her child to leave for a reason. She should discipline her own child instead of complaining about the teacher. She did not take my advice. She asked me where teacher A was as she had been to teacher A’s office twice but never saw teacher A. I told the mother that teacher A did not come to her office often. The mother kept complaining how unfairly teacher A treated her child. I was slightly unhappy and argued for my colleague, teacher A.

I decided to find teacher A and told her everything, so she could be prepared. Also I wanted to warn her to deal with students in a gentle manner instead of directly asking students to leave the classroom in the future. However, I was unable to find teacher A right away. Roughly after two hours when I finally saw teacher A, I told her everything the mother told me without further consideration. Teacher A got angry immediately upon hearing what I said. She called the child’s class teacher B to complain about the parent (in China, students are divided into different classes; each class is assigned a teacher who is responsible for all students in the class). She kept telling teacher B that she needed to meet the parent and argue with her face to face. She said it was really to her surprise that the parent complained because she once thought she had already solved the conflict with the parent. The class teacher B used great efforts to calm teacher A down. I felt guilty and regretful.

I felt really regretful. What on earth did I do? Because I did not guard my speech, I almost caused a fight between the parent and teacher A. I worsened their relationship. I more or less affected the child too.

In the afternoon, teacher A told me that she told her husband everything when she went back home for lunch. Her husband told her to understand the kid and the kid’s mother. Her husband told her to have more tolerance. Teacher A’s husband is disabled and really poor. However, her husband, an ordinary person, behaved much better than I did even though I have cultivated for more than ten years.

I started to look within carefully. I realized some of my attachments as listed below:

  1. When the parent complained to me about teacher A, the parent obviously did not know her kid’s problems. After I heard the parent’s complaints, did I look within? No! I was always angry because some students do not study hard enough or finish their homework on time. It seemed that I was being considerate towards the students. However, I was attached to fame. I was afraid that my students would not get good scores and affect my teaching reputation. Instead of looking within and regarding the students’ behaviors as a mirror of my own behaviors, I kept complaining. I did not improve my xinxing. I did not do the three things well.
  2. Why did I tell teacher A what the parent said? It seemed that I was being considerate towards teacher A and hoping she could be more cautious when dealing with naughty students, so she would have less trouble. However, I was actually being selfish. I hoped teacher A could think highly of me because I told her everything. I did not keep secret what the parent told me, and I betrayed the parent. What I did was so selfish and disgraceful!
  3. I argued on behalf of teacher A when the parent was complaining. I told the parent to discipline her own kid. It seemed that what I did was out of consideration for teacher A. However, I was actually doing everything for myself because I am also a teacher. Speaking for teacher A is not fundamentally different from speaking for myself as teacher A and I basically are doing the same job.

After looking within for a while, I thought I found all my problems. However, after I went back home that night, Master enlightened me that I left out one important attachment, which is I cannot bear other people saying bad words about me. In fact, what teacher A did was exactly how I normally act. I do not want to hear any bad words about me. I cannot bear anyone who disagrees with me, especially any students who do not listen to me. If any student does not listen to me, depending on how serious the situation is, I would be angry, rebuke the student in front of the class, or even ask the student to leave the classroom. In some extreme cases, I would tell the students’ class teacher to discipline the student for me. However, even though I did so many extreme things, students still did not care what I said. I felt very angry, depressed and helpless. Yesterday, a student disagreed with me in my class (in China, students are supposed to agree with whatever teachers say). I was very angry and asked her to agree in front of the class. However, she still disagreed with me, so I brought her to her class teacher’s office and asked her to stand there to reflect on her problems. Later I was told that her class teacher asked her to leave the school for one day and told her parents to discipline the student. I was shocked when I found out I had such a bad attachment. Master said in Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York, “Then when you lose your temper, what was that for? What is there for a cultivator to get angry about?” I felt I was unqualified to be a practitioner since I got angry so easily. My entire thought process of how to discipline people is actually from the evil communist party. I do not dare tell others that I am a Dafa practitioner because my actions are not what a practitioner should do. I would defame Dafa if I tell other people I am a Dafa practitioner. I am such a bad cultivator! Master said in Teaching the Fa at the Founding Ceremony of the Singaporean Falun Dafa Association, “For instance, the first thing a cultivator should be able to do is refrain from hitting back when attacked and refrain from swearing back when sworn at.” Master also said in Fa Teaching Given in Mahanttan, “You all know, being cultivators, the principle of ‘not striking back when hit, not talking back when cursed at,’ and that when a cultivator truly suffers some form of loss he simply laughs it off. That is the state that you should have, and that is what you must achieve, for you are not ordinary people and you seek to transcend their state of being. ” I am so far away from what Master requires. I now need to behave according to what Dafa requires and what Master requires. I will catch up!

Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/250820


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