PureInsight | October 26, 2015
[PureIsight.org] After more than a decade and up until one month ago of practicing Dafa, I had truly rid myself of the lust attachment. By writing down the process, I hope other practitioners with the same attachment might learn from my experiences.
I was exposed to sex books in middle school, an arrangement made by the old forces. Over time, it became a habit and part of my life to browse lust material on the web. Since I did not hurt others, I thought it was okay even though I felt ashamed.
Shortly after obtaining the Fa, the communist crackdown on Falun Dafa began. Without solid cultivation and steadfast Fa study even while I actively clarified the truth, I could not control sexual desire. It was possible for me to marry a Dafa disciple, however, I chose an ordinary person because of being still in the process of overcoming the lust attachment. People couldn’t read my mind or see my thoughts but the old forces could. They arranged a wife without too much desire for a matrimonial life on one hand, and increased my lust attachment on the other. Finally, I made a couple of mistakes that a Dafa practitioner absolutely shouldn’t do. I daren’t face the Fa and Master, or read Minghui website because of my repetitive painful struggle to overcome lustful feelings and later, reproach. Of course, the old forces knew Master wouldn’t give up on a disciple, but they pushed me to the opposite side kidnapped by evil.
In "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”, Master said: "I have talked before about the old forces' interference. Have you thought about the following? [Sexual desire] is one of the factors [they use] to hold you back! What do the old forces and the old cosmos see as the gravest thing? Lust, [in the form of] sexual activity outside of marriage. That's what they see as the most serious of things. In the past, once someone violated the precept on that, he would be thrown out of the temple, and his cultivation would be utterly finished. So how do gods look at this now? Do you know what they have said in the prophecies that they left behind? They prophesied that all of the Dafa disciples who would be left in the end would be those who had maintained their purity along these lines. In other words, these things are extremely serious to them. So the old forces and all of the gods in that cosmos will not defend anyone who violates the prohibition on this, anyone who doesn't do well in this regard; in fact they will push you downwards. They know [and think to themselves], ‘Li Hongzhi, you won't abandon your disciples, so we will make you abandon them.’ That's why they have the students who have made mistakes make more mistakes, over and over, and in the end do wicked things and go to the opposite side. ‘We will fill his head with crooked understandings and make him damage Dafa. Then we will see if you still keep him.’ And you know, that is what they have done. Do you think all those who have ‘enlightened’ along an evil path really wanted to go toward evilness? There are reasons behind all of that."
Even so Master still didn’t give up and sent me overseas with my fellow practitioners’ help. I knew the true reason was because of my attachment to lust, although I didn’t tell anyone. Therefore, I started to discipline myself:
1. No body contact with the opposite sex (except wife).
2. No ambiguous behavior with the opposite sex.
3. No sex books.
I could achieve the first and second points, but not the third. Every few months, as long as I was alone at home, I really wanted to browse some lust stuff online. I could restrain myself but only for a few days when I would lose control. Sometimes I made an excuse, such as the first and the second points were the most important and I had to get use to the third point slowly, because that attachment was not formed in a day.
After a few years, I began to worry that Fa-rectification might end soon and I would definitely fail from practicing with lust attachments. What could I do? I didn’t think I would ever overcome lust because of being unsuccessful in the past. Again, under Master’s compassionate arrangement, I participated in Shen Yun promotions actively selling tickets with fellow practitioners. At the final evening of the Shen Yun show, I realized I haven’t had a matrimonial life for two months and it was not a must for me now. The lust attachment became weaker which made me more confident that I could break the attachment. I realized that as a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period, overcoming the lust attachment was complete because of truly cultivating the three things well.
One weekend while home alone those familiar feelings pushed me to the computer again to browse lust material. Only this time I chose to read a Dafa book. The following weekend, the feeling came again while I was at home by myself. I felt so happy that I didn’t move. I could tell I had become very clean and with pure eyes I could look at other people.
Thank you Master for your compassionate salvation!
Translated from http://www.zhengjian.org/node/148089