PureInsight | January 23, 2023
[PureInsight.org] After cultivating for more than 20 years, I found that I didn’t know how to cultivate, and I didn’t cultivate solidly. My cultivation was only on the surface, my resentment was not removed, and jealousy was very strong. My conducts manifested strong Communist Party culture, which manifested my attachment of doing things, and showing off. I always liked to point out fellow practitioners’ attachments to show off and to validate oneself. I always thought my enlightenment was correct and insisted my opinions. It led to the persecution. I was slandered when I went out to distribute truth-clarifying materials and I was illegally detained for 15 days. This persecution woke me up and I began to reflect on myself. I didn’t cultivate well. Not only did I fail to save sentient beings, but I also caused sentient beings to commit crimes, which brought obstacles to my cultivation environment and brought loss to the whole group.
The following is what I wrote down my cultivation journey during that period, so that fellow practitioners can avoid the same mistakes I made.
For a long time, my Fa study was on the surface, I didn’t examine myself, and I didn’t see the new Fa principles for a long time even though I went to group Fa study every day. I went out to clarify the truth, but my mind was not pure, and my attachment of fear was strong.
Several days before the incident, Master hinted me many times. In one dream, I distributed lots of truth pamphlets. But all sentient beings threw it away. A fellow practitioner picked them up and put them on my seat. I didn't treat the pamphlets as a magic weapon to save people but thought they were the evidence the police could use to persecute me. I was arrested in the dream. After that dream, my fear was growing bigger and bigger. I tried to negate the persecution, but my standpoint was based on protecting myself and based on the human notions that saving people was against the law of the communist China. I didn’t treat myself as a Dafa disciple who carried the glory of the universe and should fulfill the mission. I forgot about Dafa and forgot Master was by my side.
In the detention center, I began to be vigilant and examine the cultivation path I had come through. I was too much attached to myself. While I kept sending forth righteous thoughts, I recited “Lunyu” repeatedly when I had time. When I reflected on myself, I found I didn’t have compassion. When other practitioners were arrested, I didn't care for them from the bottom of my heart. I sent forth righteous thoughts for fellow practitioners for the first two days, and then I slacked off. I didn't regard fellow practitioners’ things as my own. I was very selfish and used many excuses. When I was arrested, I wondered if fellow practitioners were just like me. After I was released, I got to know that the fellow practitioners were working hard to rescue me. In fact, I could feel fellow practitioners’ energy enforcement when I was in the detention center. I was grateful to my fellow practitioners for their dedication. I saw the gap between me and my fellow practitioners. In the past, I always looked outwards. When I said I would look within, in the end I found other practitioners’ faults, and I called it “helping fellow practitioners”. In fact, other practitioners are watched by Master. Master required I cultivate myself. I missed so many opportunities.
After returning from the detention center, the first hurdle to pass was the family hurdle. One of the reasons I failed to move forward was that I had too much affection for my family, and the cultivation environment at home had always been bad. I must cultivate well. I told my husband that I was determined to cultivate this Fa, but I didn’t cultivate well. This Fa is so upright, and I will do well. In fact, everything is arranged by Master in an orderly manner, and it is best to let things take their course.
On the day I went back home, my company called me and asked me to go back to work. It was only half day’s work. I had time to study the Fa seriously. First, I should respect Master and the Fa. So I studied the Fa with my legs crossed sitting in the full-lotus position. Master saw that I had the will to change my mind, and Master began to show me the principles of the Fa. Every day I could enlighten the principles of the Fa. Master said in Hong Yin, "Reaching Consummation, obtaining Buddha’s Fruit, Eating bitterness treated as joy." And I used to refuse to endure hardship and seek comfort. There was also a lot of resentment. I used human reasoning to measure my grievances. My family members gave me the test, and I showed jealousy and fighting mentality. They couldn’t see the peace and kindness from me. My fellow practitioners asked me, “Do you smile today?” The power of kindness is infinite. I tried to keep the smile on my face. It felt so good to have compassion in my heart. Many bad thoughts were dissolved by the power of kindness when I smiled. I remembered that at the family gathering, my husband habitually scolded me, and his relatives criticized him. I smiled and said, “I'm so sorry, he didn't do it on purpose, it's his habit.” My husband laughed, and everyone in the family laughed too. Since then, my husband rarely scolded me.
I saw the roots of my selfishness. I used to think that I did a good job in my company and that I did not cling to fame and fortune. In fact, my desire for fame and fortune was very strong. Even it was not as strong as ordinary people, and it was far below the requirements of cultivators. I negotiated the working hours with my manager in the excuse of “don't waste my time that I can study the Fa”. In short, I always put myself first, without considering other people's feelings. I forgot that cultivators must think about others. As a result, although I had clarified the truth to my colleagues, they didn’t accept it. They didn't see from me the kindness of a Dafa disciple. Nowadays I did whatever the manager asked me to do, regardless of time and money. I was always cheerful regardless of what the manager said. I started to consider things from his standpoint, I no longer insisted on my opinion. My colleagues said they were always happy to see me because I was happy every day. Before that, I had been unhappy because I had insisted on myself too much. I went out to save sentient beings because I was afraid that I was behind other practitioners. In fact, everything is arranged orderly by Master. I should cultivate solidly as a Dafa particle, let go of self and save sentient beings with a pure mind. Master said in Lunyu, "And any cultivator who is able to become one with Dafa is an enlightened one—divine."
I have come all the way from the depth of the universe, the human world is dangerous, but I have been taken care by Master. When I made a mistake and fell, Master lifted me up and encouraged me to move on. I am grateful to Master. I shall cultivate and remove all the things that do not conform to the Fa. I shall follow the Master's arrangement and walk on the right path, becoming a Dafa particle and fulfilling the vow.
Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/272193
