PureInsight | June 17, 2002
Many of you might recognize my pseudonym from a Pure Insight article entitled, “My Child, This Is Not Arranged by Master Li.” I wish to begin with a summary of my previously published story. Since birth, my child was always very difficult. He would cry, scream and act very aggressively for no apparent reason. That made it very difficult for me to do Fa-rectification work. One day, it occurred to me that my child’s behavior might be an arrangement of the old forces to interfere with Fa-rectification. I held my child and gently told him, “My child, this is not arranged by Master Li.” I then let him know that overcoming the arrangements by the old forces meant first and foremost following Master’s arrangements. Immediately, my child took these words to heart. His demeanor has been serene ever since.
I broke out in a cold sweat when I understood, all of a sudden, the meaning “Arrangements by the Old Forces.” Yet, I did not think of writing down my insight and the subsequent events until another practitioner suggested I do so. They thought that the story would be of great benefit to many practitioners who were facing trials by the old forces.
The immediate change in my child made me complacent. I believed that we successfully eliminated the root of this particular problem. I did not expect any further obstacles. Yet, problems appeared after sending the article to PureInsight.
The following day I received a call from my child’s nursery school, asking me to pick him up. He was running a fever and had become rather disruptive. It occurred to me that the article must have infuriated the evil. Starting the next day, my child was faced with one tribulation after another. After arriving home, my child’s fever became even worse. He started vomiting during the night. My deepest instincts told me that the evil had taken a foothold and was trying to create havoc in our lives. Thus, I sent righteous thoughts more frequently. The evil became more insistent and attacked my child more viciously. He awoke from a fitful slumber as soon as I sent forth righteous thoughts, crying and screaming, “No!” He even tried to prevent my sending forth righteous thoughts by disrupting my hands from the half-heshi position. Facing the evil’s direct attack on my activities, I remained calm and composed and continued to send forth righteous thoughts. I eventually saw some decrease in my child’s aggravated behavior.
The following day, Tuesday, I thought it would be best if he stayed home. I sent forth righteous thoughts throughout the day. On Wednesday his condition improved. His temperature was down. I thought he was ready to go back to nursery school. To my dismay, the school called me around noon and asked me to take him home immediately. I saw with consternation that he had scratched his arms so forcefully that his arms were bleeding. That night I continued to send forth righteous thoughts frequently. I believed I had succeeded and that he was ready to attend nursery school the next day. Again, the nursery school called me to come right away and take him home since he was again running a fever. What could I do? There were no alternatives! As a practitioner, I instinctively understood what had to be done. I did not go to work on Friday, so I could spend time with my son to focus solely on these recurring tribulations. Furthermore, I decided that the nursery school staff could give the other children greater attention than they were receiving during my son’s tribulations. As you can understand, that entire week was a total loss to me with respect to my human obligations, given these relentless impediments. I had to deal with a persistently bad-tempered, finicky son. He was most disruptive while I worked on Dafa articles or other Dafa assignments. I could have dealt with this, but his wearisome behavior continued into the night. I barely was asleep when he woke me from sleep over and over again. Frequently, the clock showed that I had slept for only ten minutes. Not only that, but he also made a ruckus every half hour. My sleep during those nights went down the drain. The end result of these relentless interruptions was a complete inability to focus on my work.
What was I to do? I was at my wits end. That’s when I realized that I was not alone. All Falun Dafa practitioners are one. Guidance could be asked from another practitioner. I picked up the phone and called one. How could I explain my predicament and find the solution through reaching out? I hoped to find the right words so the other practitioner would realize how desperate I was! I explained that I couldn’t figure out why my son continued to be cantankerous and exacting, despite my continually sending forth righteous thoughts. She was a wonderful listener! On speaking with her, I admitted to myself that, given my inability to concentrate while sending them forth, my righteous thoughts were not pure. The distressing tribulations really took a toll on me. I also told her that I had a sneaking suspicion that my righteous thoughts were not sufficiently intense, since I found that the evil was eliminated at times and, at other times remained insurmountable. I also received some very helpful feedback from this practitioner. She recommended that I aim my righteous thoughts directly at the specific evil that was the main source behind my family’s tribulations. She strengthened my confidence in righteous thoughts. She pointed out that no evil, regardless of its level, could prevail under a barrage of righteous thoughts, especially when the evil was damaging the Fa. Furthermore, she enforced the importance of eliminating bad thoughts, karma, bad notions and other external and internal interferences in our minds before sending righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil. Lastly, she imparted to me one of the most important guidelines for a cultivator, “Seek within for any attachments, no matter how hidden or obscure, since those attachments helps the evil in its efforts to harm the cultivator.”
From then on, I read Master’s new articles over and over. I also tried to include my child as often as possible in this effort. I hoped with all my strength that beings in other dimensions that were unable learn the truth of the Fa, because of the evil’s interference, would hear the truth about Fa-rectification through my studies of the Fa. I understood Master’s compassion towards those who were a barrier to spreading the Fa. Therefore, I deeply yearned that those beings would no longer impede the Fa, do damage to the Fa and assist the evil in challenging the Fa. I felt that these efforts helped me strengthen the purity of my righteous thoughts.
Yet, on Saturday, while sending forth righteous thoughts, my child’s behavior became progressively worse. I issued stern thoughts towards the beings behind the tribulations, “You may be a God at a very high level, but you are nothing when you damage the Fa. You may have cultivated for hundreds or thousands of kalpa, but I can easily crush you with my baby finger.” Additionally, I sent thoughts to my son’s divine side asking it to be our warrior in our effort to eradicate the evil in this dimension. You should have seen the result of these efforts! The evil displayed all its powers to prevent me from eliminating it. It fought persistently through my child. My child screamed at the top of his lungs, tried to disrupt my sending forth righteous thoughts, pulled my hands out of the half-heshi position and pulled my hair. I sensed that when sending forth righteous thoughts, many sentient beings in other dimensions also sent righteous thoughts, thus giving strength to my efforts to eliminate the evil struggling within my lotus palms. It was clear to me that my righteous thoughts sent them into the “deepest hell,” where I believed they belonged. After a while I sensed that there was no more evil between my palms. As I became calmer, my “chanting” became less incessant. Finally, calmness returned and I stopped sending forth righteous thoughts. I breathed deeply and was certain that I had successfully eradicated all the evil. Oh no! It couldn’t be true! My child began to whimper again! I again sent forth righteous thoughts for approximately an hour. There appeared to be no end to my sending for righteous thoughts.
I had no other alternative, but to discuss my predicament again with other practitioners. One practitioner, given her understanding of sending forth righteous thoughts, called my attention to what she believed to be the cause for the lack of purity of my righteous thoughts. She said, “Master Li stated that it should take no longer than five minutes to eradicate the evil. Consequently, given my level of understanding, there must be some hidden attachment deep within you interfering with your righteous thoughts since if it took an hour to eradicate the evil.”
Oh my! This was it! Her remark “hit the nail on the head!” I instantly knew that she had enabled me to see the true root of our tribulations. There always had been a slight nagging in my mind about something not quite right, something that interfered when I sent forth righteous thoughts. There was a reason for the evil to hold on tightly, instead of being eliminated. Didn’t Master tell us that when we have a problem to read Zhuan Falun, but read without intention, and you will understand? I studied the Fa that night and lo and behold, I found my attachment.
During the early months of my pregnancy I understood deep in my heart that my son would be born into this world for one reason only, to obtain the Fa. Therefore, in my mind this baby was a “Dafa disciple.” Consequently, it triggered exactly what Master asked a true practitioner to eliminate, zealotry and a show off mentality. I became totally wrapped-up in this attachment. My mother’s pride was deep when he was able to do the exercise “Vajra Toppling a Mountain,” or when this little person was so sincere and helpful in distributing Dafa material. To me, everything he did showed the predestined relationship of a true Dafa disciple. I felt that no other Dafa disciple could hold a candle to him. I considered him perfect, the epitome of a Dafa disciple. I groaned. This was exactly what Master cautioned us and pointed out in Lecture Eight of Zhuan Falun, “In other matters and in the course of cultivation practice, one should be sure to not develop the attachment of zealotry—this mentality can be very easily taken advantage of by demons.”
My searching within clearly revealed that I held on to the most basic human emotion, sentimentality. I had in this respect dropped to the human level. I had hidden away sentimentality in the deepest level of my being. I let this most basic human emotion drive my thoughts and actions. I had to admit that in reality, I had never looked at this child as a true Dafa disciple. He was my son, and I held a mother’s most basic instinct –love, pride and sentiment. As a proud mother, I “knew” that my son was intelligent, smart and greater than all other young Dafa disciples, and I was proud of his accomplishments. I finally admitted that the words of another practitioner were true, that is, I found fulfillment when comparing my child to other Dafa children. It was true that all my thoughts about my son were from the pleasure of a mother in her offspring. Yes, this was the loophole that the evil exploited. What a relief to finally face this attachment! I had jumped another hurdle in my cultivation journey! The stone was lifted from my heart. The end-effect was that I found the very target I needed to eliminate when sending righteous thoughts that night with all the practitioners of the world. It took only five minutes to let go of two more of my attachments, for the moment, zealotry and showing off. My son calmed down within five minutes of my sending righteous thoughts.
We understand from Master’s lectures and scriptures that the evil old forces made some arrangements. I came to realize that these arrangements would not have been successful if we had let go of attachments. In our ignorance and complacency we opened a wide door for the evil, which took advantage of this opening. Master cautioned us in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun, “As a practitioner, one should be this way. Whenever there is interference of one kind or another in qigong practice, you should look for reasons within yourself and determine what you still have not let go.” How much I had to suffer because I did not take Master’s words to heart! Because of my attachments, I had not searched within myself.
I now am able to see that our inability to search within ourselves, which is also a manifestation of our karma, leads us to seek outside ourselves. Thus, sending forth righteous thoughts without first looking within for our attachments when confronted with tribulations is not genuine cultivation. We have to study the Fa to eliminate attachments. If one is unwilling to search deeply within for hidden attachments, and one lets sentimentality get in the way of discovering the cause of tribulations, one has not changed one’s conventional thinking. Only when we realize that we have to be more diligent in our cultivation, and seek inward for our attachments, are we able to step out of the arrangements by the old forces and walk the cultivation path arranged for us by Master Li.
Epilogue
Half a year has gone by. My child has grown both physically and spiritually. He is now learning to recite Hong Yin at an accelerated rate. His demeanor has changed and everyone loves him. I still strive to overcome my tendency towards zealotry and showing off. Winning this battle is getting easier and I succeed more often than not. I keep telling myself that my original soul does not have this attachment, and thus it is not me who is holding on to it. Master Li explained about thought karma and postnatally acquired notions. I view them as such and thus am successful in eradicating these attachments. My son’s interference when I’m sending forth righteous thoughts is decreasing. Most of the time he is calm. I believe that the evil’s power is lessening and it is loosing the ability to attack us.
The above is my understanding. Your comments and feedback for improvement of this article are welcome.
Translated from:
http://zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2002/5/5/15891.html
