PureInsight | August 29, 2014
[PureInsight.org] Because I am frequently working, it is very difficult for me to attend group Fa study on the weekends. Group Fa study is something I cherish. However, due to various restraints, I have temporarily not been able to attend group Fa study at all. Thus, I can only study the Fa with my family at night. However, at night I frequently must take care of sick family members at home, so sometimes I am late to Fa study or cannot make it. For this reason, I have always admired those practitioners who have enough time to attend Fa study groups every day or every week. I also frequently ponder- what should I do?
Why don’t I try attending the Fa study group at home during the day? This Fa study group consists of my family members and another male practitioner. This male practitioner is very diligent when he comes to doing the three things.
I reminisced on some events that occurred a while ago. I realized that my “admiration” for this fellow practitioner was tainted by many attachments, including the attachment to lust, attachment to worshipping and the modern day deviant attachment to “liking”. These various human attachments interfered with the cooperation of our group as well as my relationship with my husband. On several occasions, I became angry whenever my husband “wasn’t compassionate” or “interrogated” me.
Whenever I was alone and truly calmed down to reflect on my inner self, I realized the xinxing problems I had. In every Fa lecture, Master would always remind us that looking inwards was the key to cultivation. However, I did not do well enough in this regard. I almost always looked for the other person’s shortcomings. Especially in my family life, my negative thoughts prevailed. It was very easy for me to spot the other person’s shortcomings, and I always looked outwards. On the surface, I did not say much, but on the inside I was unsettled. I always wanted to find a time to reason things out or find another fellow practitioner to talk about it. This extreme attachment to competitiveness caused me to become less able to remain calm and truly cultivate in my family environment.
Once, I talked to that male practitioner about some family issues, hoping that he could talk to my husband from a cultivation point of view (actually my heart was not pure at the time; even though I said it was being responsible for my husband, I had still built up anger and dissatisfaction with him). When that practitioner sympathized, I treated the situation from an ordinary person’s perspective and developed “sentimentality” that should not have been there. Under these circumstances, my husband realized that something was up, yet the fellow practitioner avoided it cleverly. When my husband questioned me several times, I went from being vague to being frank with him. Faced with his punching and kicking as well as his cold cynicism and biting sarcasm, I could see more clearly that for a long time my failure to solidly study the Fa and cultivate resulted in the persistence of the attachments to competitiveness, jealousy and lust in my household. The old forces exploited this opportunity to intensify the situation. My husband even mentioned divorce.
After reading a recommended Minghui article “Finding My True Self after Awakening from a Long Dream”, I truly felt like I had just woken up from a dream. I resolved to break away from the old forces’ manipulation of my attachments to sentimentality and lust. Master said, “If you part from it you are no longer a human but a god. When people get attached to emotion they are actually being passive, even though they think they are being active” (Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference). When one transcends the demons of lust and desire, one is on the path to becoming a god. Thus, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference caused by these attachments. I also copied down Master’s lectures about “cultivating the heart and letting go of desires” and repeatedly memorized it. After a while, I realized that the sticky substance of the attachments to sentimentality and lust in my dimensional field had disappeared.
Reminiscing upon these chapters in my cultivation, I truly felt my lack of solid cultivation in these years. At the same time, my human side became anxious. How will that fellow practitioner and my husband view me? Will I still attend group Fa study?
When I realized that I am also a particle of the Fa and should dissolve in the body as a whole and that group Fa study is Master’s requirement and attending it is to improve as a whole, I felt very much at ease. I thought that at least their well cultivated and knowing sides would not reject me. I hoped that I could dissolve in the body as a whole. This simple, pure notion instantly cleared up my heart.
It was a gloomy day that day when studying the Fa. The place I sat had poor lighting, and I misread multiple times in the darkness. My husband kept correcting those places where I misread. However, I remained very calm and only wanted to assimilate to the Fa. I did not have any other notions.
After studying the Fa, when I walked outside my house to distribute truth clarification materials and firewall-breaching software, everyone I met accepted them with a smile. Some young people even expressed true thanks. My heart felt even broader and brighter.
That night, my husband started talking about how I misread many words and later said some things that he misunderstood about me. I did not argue or explain anything; I only met them with a smile. I thought that if my heart was calm and I maintained my xinxing and cultivated myself during conflicts and suffering, as long as Master and the gods could see, that was enough.
My level is limited. Please point out anything inappropriate.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/133439