PureInsight | January 16, 2015
[PureInsight.org] I obtained the Fa eighteen years ago. I thought that I had eliminated most of my attachments during this time. Sometimes I am so pleased with myself and think “Look, my nature is frank and straight, I have few attachments.” It has been very hard for me to realize what is behind my complacency and self-assurance until an illusion made me infinitely ashamed several days ago. I started to re-examine my cultivation state.
One day, early in the morning five practitioners including myself went to a market to save sentient beings. When we finished and about to return, I was told that practitioner A was being questioned by two young policemen. The other practitioners suggested we drive away and avoid trouble. It was close to noon. I was supposed to go to work in half an hour. There was no one at my workplace who could take my role. Under this circumstance, I had no choice and took a taxi to work. Just as I was informing other practitioners at home to rescue practitioner A with righteous thoughts, one fellow practitioner from the market called and said that all four of them had already arrived home safely. I took a long breath of relief.
I looked inward as soon as I got off work, and thought seriously about which attachments were targeted by the morning trouble. Firstly, I did not believe in Master's Fa one hundred percent. If I were not afraid of being incriminated and were not so selfish, and instead went to the scene and eliminated the evil with righteous thoughts, Master would not let me arrive late to work. This exposed my strong attachment of self-protection. What do I fear? Am I afraid of losing my ordinary persons job? I continued digging into myself. Since I began working at my current job (working in a school's cafeteria), I thought that I could have more contact with kids and save more people. But I have not saved many and I myself have gotten stuck in an ordinary person's quagmire. I almost became an ordinary person. For example, my mind felt uneasy when the manager who is under thirty years old offered a new worker a higher rate than mine. I even talked back to the manager when he gave me a work assignment, “What are those part-time workers you hired for? I work carefully and conscientiously, come early and leave late. You pay me so little money!” It is exactly as Master put it, “If someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy. It can lead to this problem.” (Zhuan Falun).
I found that the root of my problem was jealousy! Then what are the factors that form jealousy? They are selfishness, resentment, the competitive mentality and fear. I realised that these are some of the terrible attachments that I had. I quietly sent forth righteous thoughts, asked Master to strengthen me and eliminated these factors. I also found another problem; I boldly had to admit that the manager who is twenty years younger than me is smart and handsome. He and I enjoyed good personal relations. Time has made me feel affection for him. Although it is not love between a man and a woman, however, I felt uneasy when I saw the manager joking with other employees. I told myself that the person who indulged in this seemingly pure friendship is not the real me, and I must relinquish this sentimentality.
After cultivating myself, I no longer envy who has the higher pay and no longer value affection. I am not excited when I converse with the manager now. A genuine practitioner is not attached to the gain and loss in this mundane world. Master said, “If any of you sitting here can’t cultivate your xinxing to the point of Consummation, then I can’t do anything about it either. I can teach you the principles of the Fa, I can help you evolve gong, I can eliminate a portion of your karma for you, I can protect you, and I can do a huge range of things for you that you don’t know about but that are necessary when you Consummate and afterwards. But if your heart doesn’t change and your mind doesn’t elevate, then all of that is in vain. That’s what I mean when I say that if a person’s heart doesn’t change, even a Buddha can’t help him.” (Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Europe)
Master, please be assured that your disciple will please you! I shall believe in Master and the Fa, and walk straight on the last leg of the journey.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/136585