Two Instances of Looking Inward

An Oversea Dafa Disciple

PureInsight | June 23, 2024

[] Master said in Zhuan Falun, “To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” Having practiced for over twenty years, I do not know how many times I have cultivated myself to eliminate attachments. In the past, it felt like heart-wrenching pain to the bone. But now I feel doubly honored. I will share my experience with fellow practitioners in two perspectives.


Looking Inward, Stepping out of the Status of Old, Sickness and Death

In my cultivation, there have been several instances about the status of karmic illness passed immediately as soon as my righteous thoughts came out. In the latter half of 2018, I witnessed the passing of two local fellow practitioners and it brought immediate disturbances to my body. Our communications, their voices and images, often appeared before my eyes. I constantly felt the fragility of life. Cultivation has been so solemn, and one could be unwittingly dragged away by the old forces.

Two fellow practitioners escaped from death while assisting Master in rectifying the Fa in China. In my eyes, they have already forged the indestructible body. Despite their subsequent journeys overseas and continuous engagement in three things, they have struggled to enlighten to their own attachments over the long term. I felt that Master has given them ample time, hoping they can enlighten from the perspective of the Fa. If one remained in a certain level for an extended period, doubts about the Fa may arise, questioning whether Master was still looking after them. At that point, it might be like having one foot inside the door and one foot outside, making it difficult for Master to intervene, and the old forces may take advantage. Therefore, I was resolute: my life was given by Master, everything I had is bestowed by Master, and since Master has asked me to save people, I would save people. I wanted to dedicate everything bestowed by Master back to Master. I would not want or acknowledge anything else.


After my righteous thoughts became firm, occasional interference would still arise. Sometimes, when dizziness would occur, I would quietly send forth righteous thoughts. Listening to Minghui Radio, I learned about a fellow practitioner who implored Master to stop her from seeing images from other dimensions in case she might not return if captivated by the beautiful scenes. Master turned off her celestial eye. I begged Master: "Master, please don't let me feel dizzy. My main consciousness must be strong, and my heart must be righteous." With this determination, my root would forever be with Master. No one could move me.

When my body felt tired, and I felt overwhelmed, I would study the Fa, send forth righteous thoughts, and persist in saving people. Unconsciously, my body returned to normal. Occasionally, setbacks would occur. I would look inward and ask, why the interference from karmic illnesses came back? Did I have a fear of death? As soon as this thought emerged, my heart would tremble. Why did my heart tremble? Thinking about death, why would I feel nervous? Wasn't that a fear of death? Why was I afraid of death? Perhaps it was a lack of clear understanding of the Fa, a lack of righteous thoughts. As the end of cultivation approached, fellow practitioners who have cultivated well have returned to their positions. I was still lingering in the realm of ordinary sickness and death. Was I a human or a god? Could gods die? I felt so pitiful that, even at this stage of cultivation, I still considered myself a human. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the fear of death, eradicate interference from illnesses, and step out of this state of old, sickness and death.

In late June and early July 2019, during the Diversity Cultural Festival in Veenendaal, Netherlands, we were invited to perform with our waist drum team and demonstrate the exercises during the opening and closing ceremonies. Should I participate? A thought crossed my mind, and I instantly steadied myself. Saving people has been the most sacred task. Because the waist drum team did not regularly perform, and drumming intensified physical activity, could I do it? Didn't we have Master and Fa? I believed it would be possible because Master said so. During the performance, I saw the smiling faces of sentient beings, their bright expectations, accompanied by enthusiastic applause. The more I performed, the more energized I felt. With the high-pitched music and rapid drumbeats, I felt like I was about to float. I heard my heart pounding, as if it were an independent entity almost detaching from my body. I thought Master must have been blessing me all along. Through this performance, I realized that in Dafa projects, anything should be possible. Trusting Master and Fa made everything possible.


Look Inward and Comprehend the Hardships Master Endures to Save People


In early March 2019, I transitioned to a new platform, and the initiation of our project went smoothly. Everyone cooperated harmoniously, and the project showed some positive results. Suddenly, one day, fellow practitioner A, who was coordinating, raised objections. Essentially, it involved our agreement, with a portion assigned to me. The objection came on quite strongly, leaving me feeling somewhat perplexed. I could not handle it all at once. I felt indignant and that the earlier efforts were being invalidated. It seemed like everything was done in vain. For a while, I kept a low profile.

I pondered: Why did this happen? I knew both sides of the conflict needed to cultivate something. However, when I calmed down and thought about it, it seemed to be the other party's fault. Where was the fault? The other party's image was my own image; their fault was my fault, and whatever intentions they had were my own. Because I often scrutinized others thoroughly, not letting any flaws pass by. Looking at myself, I felt I did better than others. I noticed a subtle sense of jealousy, competitiveness, and a desire to outshine the other practitioners. I asked myself, why did I feel upset when fellow practitioner A had a different opinion? Did it make me feel like my previous efforts were in vain? At first glance, wasn't it just the attachment to not being contradicted? The desire to hear positive words? Upon deeper reflection, isn't it also a sense of jealousy, competition, and a desire to outshine? I felt that in the project, if the part I did was acknowledged by fellow practitioners, it seemed like I was superior to others. How strong was this competitive spirit, the showing off attachment, and the desire to outshine! Haggling over the shortcomings pointed out by others, wasn't it an obvious manifestation of jealousy? Upon introspection, I found that, after cultivating for so many years, I had only cultivated on the surface.

Reflecting on the situation, I discovered my own insignificance and recognized many bright aspects in fellow practitioner A's cultivation within the Fa. For the operation of the project and the improvement of fellow practitioners in the project team, A had made significant contributions. I perceived A as a spinning top, carrying a heavy load. In this load, there were aspects of A's own cultivation to be rectified, concerns about the improvement of fellow practitioners in the project team, and a strong desire to excel in the project and save more sentient beings. I felt that A was genuinely working hard and remained steadfast in cultivation within the Fa. The bit of human mentality exhibited by A—wasn't it a reflection of my own cultivation issues? Yet, I found faults here and there in others. Comparatively, how strong were my attachments to self!

Master said in Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference, “When what you do has just a little bit of success, you’re so pleased with yourselves. But are you playing the lead role [in your field]? You haven’t even managed to play a supporting role, and some are playing the role of a clown! Is that what Dafa disciples should be doing? Is that what Master has asked you to do?” Reading this passage, I felt my tears almost coming out, as the compassionate and great Master was using a heavy hammer to knock on me. Silently, I repented to Master: "Master, I haven't played the leading role. I haven't even played the supporting role well. I must harmonize well with our entire group in the future. I must let go of myself and cooperate well with fellow practitioners."

I realized that I had been stuck at this level for quite some time. Once again, I understood the hardships Master endured to save people.

Master said in What is a Dafa Disciple, "You should all be thinking this way, with your first thought being to scrutinize yourself to try to find the problem." However, my first thought not only failed to look inward but also failed to approach the problem positively. I did not see the good side of fellow practitioners. The process of looking for my own attachment was like circling around in ordinary human thinking, treating fellow practitioner A as a walking stick before truly discovering my own shortcomings. My enlightenment level was also too low.

Up to this point, I was very grateful to the fellow practitioners who made me temporarily unhappy. They were truly helping me improve. During the process of cultivating and letting go of attachments, though progress was not fast, I knew that we could not delay the project of saving sentient beings. I have been silently cooperating with fellow practitioners and doing what I was supposed to do. The mentality of looking down on fellow practitioners has gradually weakened because I understood that fellow practitioners were helping me. Additionally, we were all here for the Fa, striving to fulfill what the Master wanted and perfect our own worlds. I now felt a bit more relaxed, thinking that actively cooperating with fellow practitioners should be a common occurrence, just like talking, eating, and walking. There was no "you are good, I am good" during this time, only encountering problems and looking inward. This should be the mechanism of Dafa in action.

The above is my insight from looking inward. In the process of looking inward, I no longer find it difficult to let go. Instead, I feel doubly honored because I have Master's compassionate protection and the tireless assistance of fellow practitioners. I will cherish Master's compassionate salvation and the efforts of fellow practitioners to rectify myself, strive to do well in the three things, and fulfill my cultivation path.


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