PureInsight | January 26, 2004
Chapter 3: Flying To China
[PureInsight.org] I gazed out of my little window at the waves on the ocean and the Rocky Mountains getting smaller, while the clouds got bigger and bigger as we lifted higher into the sky over Vancouver. I just sat back, feeling so small amidst all of the greater things in life. Life was so grand, immense and I was honored just to be a part of it. This sense of responsibility came over me. Looking straight at the seat in front of me, I said to myself with a strong determined mind "I will go to the capital of China and bring the people the message that the whole world knows Falun Dafa is good." She didn't know where I was right now but if she did Li Pianpian would be really proud of me right now.
Li Pianpian is a little old Chinese lady. We practiced Falun Gong together in the same park in the mornings sometimes. I remembered seeing a video with Li Pianpian in it. She was sitting with a group of about 5 other Chinese women and one man on Parliament Hill in Ottawa, Canada. They had just finished walking almost 500 kilometers for about 20 days as part of a global SOS walk. They were delivering approximately 100,000 signatures from Canadians - many of which she collected at every single chance she had, in the rain and snow, it didn't matter to her. Li Pianpian helped to bring the other walkers food and provide various forms of support for them, driving them to motels and then bringing them back to where they left off the next morning.
Once they arrived in Ottawa Li Pianpian was as happy as a little girl. All her smiling, laughing and joy was because she was able to come to the nations capital to appeal for Falun Gong. She couldn't do it in China. Now, a young Canadian man was going to the capital of her country to do the same thing. I just sat there, speechless in the irony of it all. I remember her being so proud of me when I was doing a ten-day sit-in in front of the Chinese consulate. She came to me very happy and proud of me and said in her best English "you good, you great" giving me her tight fisted thumbs up. I didn't do that much. Many people were working much harder to support me; I just sat there and talked with media and people passing by. I wasn't great but it was useless to explain and I figured why not just let her be happy.
The ten-day sit in was from July 10th to the 20th, 2001. The 20th was the two-year anniversary of the beginning of the persecution against Falun Gong. Joel was helping me a lot with the media at that time. Once we were done in Toronto we headed straight for Washington, DC. There were a number of very large events happening there, most of which Joel and I missed because of the sit-in in Toronto. Three thousand people marched through DC and held a rally on Capital Hill and a breath-taking candle light vigil was held at the Washington Monument. We still got there in time for the experience exchange conference and to take advantage of the great opportunity to see other fellow practitioners.
It was in our hotel in Washington, DC that we made the decision to go to China. We had talked about it in the past but this time it was different. This time we were serious. He looked at me.
Joel: Lets do it, lets go to China.
Zenon: If you want to, then go.
Joel: When I get back to Toronto I am going to apply for a visa. Think of all the Chinese people. When they come to Canada as tourists and they see us practicing in the parks you've seen their faces. They are blown away. Imagine if they saw us in Tiananmen Square?
I couldn't help but think of all those people who could have a chance to see.
Zenon: Okay. Lets do it. When we get back we will try to get visas.
Sure enough when we got back to Toronto we both got visas. We couldn't stop laughing because he is the Toronto media spokesperson for Falun Dafa and I was just in the media, both Chinese and English. Chinese practitioners get their passports cancelled. They get followed from the airport when visiting China and some are arrested right when they hit customs. We could barely believe that we had visas.
While Joel and I were planning this event I was continually looking in my heart to make sure that I was doing the right thing for the right reasons. Over the course of our preparation I started to see impure motivations for going to Tiananmen Square within myself. I wanted to be a hero. I wanted others to praise me, and remember me. When I saw this heart I was thoroughly disgusted by my hidden attempt to use this set of circumstances to make a name for myself and develop fame. People were dying to protect Falun Dafa and I was going to use it for myself.
Shortly after we heard that other practitioners from a couple of different countries were talking about going to sit and hold a banner in Tiananmen Square, only a month or so after our original plan. Some people thought it was a bad idea. They questioned how many people could really be reached, a few hundred? They talked about what may happen to us if we did go. What if people misunderstood you? These were all thoughts that I thought of as well. We talked it over. I was clear that fame and personal gain were no longer in my heart. I had gotten rid of that and wouldn't have gone if it were still there.
I decided that I would make statements to represent my standpoint in case anything permanent happened to me. This would prevent anyone from misunderstanding me - or so I thought. My mind was clear that the most important thing to do was to stand up for the truth. The people of China needed their chance to see for themselves what they are not allowed to see. I finally made my decision one Friday night.
I was sitting at a group study at the University of Toronto looking in my heart, trying to evaluate if I should go. Then BAM. Either I saw it or it jumped right in my face. I was afraid. A big smile grew on my face - the root of my uncertainty. I was scared something was going to happen to me. I was confused. In the past, before I was a practitioner, I had jumped out of airplanes, stood on the edges of cliffs or drove inches away from other cars on the highway while I was flying at over 100 miles an hour. In all those instances I didn't remember feeling such a gripping fear. Why was I so afraid this time? It took me some time but after a few days of reading and soul searching I could see the answer to my question. This time I was genuinely doing something for other people with nothing to gain for myself. This time I was making a big step into Truthfulness-Compassion-Tolerance with seemingly nothing to gain and I was scared. Once I had a clear understanding I made the clear decision that although I was indeed afraid, it would not stop me from doing what I felt I should be done. As uncomfortable as I was with this fear, I was genuinely happy to see more of my imperfections surface so I could get rid of them and rise to a higher and nobler understanding of being more assimilated to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
