PureInsight | January 9, 2006
[PureInsight.org] Greetings Master！ Greetings fellow practitioners！
Today I am very happy to share with everyone my recent cultivation experiences in letting go of attachments in Fa-rectification period cultivation.
We all know that an experience-sharing conference is a good opportunity for practitioners to share in learning, share in cultivation and make progress together so as to keep up with the process of Fa-rectification. Practitioners' sharing is very important to the success of an experience sharing conference. Therefore, I wanted to write down my cultivation experience to support our conference. But I was at a loss when I started to write it. Thinking of my attachments, the wrong things I did and the obstacles I didn't overcome, I told myself that I cultivated so poorly that I'd better not to write down anything in case I might negatively influence other practitioners.
Afterwards, I shared with a practitioner. She said the course of writing the cultivation experience was the course of purifying ourselves and getting rid of attachments. We would not see some hidden attachments, but when we wrote it down, we would recognize and get rid of them. She also shared with me the experience of another practitioner. That practitioner recognized his attachments during his writing, and he knew more clearly his shortcomings and gaps, therefore he let go of his attachments and walked more steadfastly and righteously on the path of Fa-rectification.
I gained a lot from sharing with her. I thought that I should write down my cultivation experience. I should expose these attachments, distinguish them and thus get rid of them through Fa study. Also, I hope other practitioners can learn a lesson from my shortcomings and we can improve together.
I always thought that I wasn't attached to money. Before practicing cultivation, I already took money matters lightly, and I took it even more lightly after I obtained the Fa. When the projects of Fa-rectification needed money, I would give my savings without any hesitation as long as I could meet the basic needs of living. I thought that even if I had had enough money to buy a house, I wouldn't have bought it. I would spend all the money doing things for Fa-rectification.
However, in my deep heart, there still existed the remaining attachment to personal interests, so although I was able to have righteous thoughts and actions in some situations, I could not do well in other situations. I didn't recognize these attachments, but the old forces saw them clearly. They took advantage of my omissions and arranged big tribulations with the excuse of helping me improve. In the tribulations, I lost my job and faced a crisis. In such a situation, the attachment to personal interests is displayed especially prominently.
For example, when I installed satellite dishes with other practitioners, I would calculate how much I could make after the installation and hope I could get it all myself. I only considered my personal interest and didn't think from the perspective of others. Afterwards, I went even further to the point that I didn't want to install it with practitioners because by doing the installation all by myself, I could make more money. I totally forgot I was a practitioner. As the result, I had such big conflicts with other practitioners that they didn't want to work with me.
This attachment was also displayed when I worked on advertising for The Epoch Times newspaper. Dafa practitioners use the form of media to validate the Fa, clarify the truth and save sentient beings on a large scale. It is sacred to work for such a newspaper. I know the importance of the newspaper, and I tried to treat the customers as lives to be saved, but because of my attachment to money, I started to think of how much money I could get after selling ads. Sometimes it was more effective to sell advertising if two practitioners worked together, but I didn't want to split the income with the other practitioner. So I went to sell the advertising by myself and I failed. I felt guilty that what I did brought a loss to a Dafa project and it was a loss to the saving of sentient beings. I felt ashamed and unworthy in front of Teacher' compassionate salvation.
I found that in a good environment, some attachments could not be discovered, but when the environment became not so good, these attachments would show. Sometimes, I was not able to sell advertising, but another practitioner sold it. I felt unbalanced and jealous. I asked myself why other practitioners could make it while I couldn't. It seemed that I didn't have the ability and I should quit this work and do other things. Looking back at that experience, I realized that maybe it was true that I didn't have the ability, but this should not be the reason for not doing it well, neither should it be the justification of being jealous. We were doing the most righteous thing and Teacher's fashen and other righteous gods were protecting us all the time. The key was whether we upgraded our xinxing. Teacher will help us as long as we upgrade our xinxing.
Because I didn't get rid of the attachment to personal interests, the old forces seized my omission and persecuted me financially. I was attached to money, but the attachment did not bring me money. On the contrary, my financial situation deteriorated to the point that I could not pay the bills and had to borrow from practitioners. During that tribulation, Teacher hinted to me many times, but because of my attachments, I could not study Fa with a calm mind, let alone look within. I could not break away from the tribulation and could not find a job. Sometimes I wondered why could others find a job, but I could not. I could not enlighten and could hardly cultivate. But I have the heart for cultivation practice. Maybe because I had this thought, merciful Teacher helped me again and arranged for me to work in a university in Alabama.
From this lesson, I recognized that what the old forces arranged were destructive tribulations. They saw my attachments to money and they made me encounter financial problems. They made my financial situation worse and worse, to the point that I could not even make a living. These destructive tribulations made me lose the basic environment to do the three things and keep up with the process of Fa-rectification. As the result of their so-called tests, they may cause the persecuted practitioners to be unable to break through the evil arrangements, and therefore fail to save sentient beings. Their arrangements interfered with the Fa-rectification and are actually destroying people. How evil it is! Teacher does not acknowledge the old forces' arrangements and has told us not to acknowledge them. When our righteous thoughts are not strong enough to deny the old forces' arrangements and break through the tribulations, Teacher endures for us again and again just because we had one thought of trying to be diligent.
After I went to Alabama, I didn't have to face the financial tribulation, but other attachments and human notions appeared. One practitioner gave me lots of suggestions out of compassion. He pointed out my shortcomings to help me improve. In the beginning, I could accept this and thanked him for pointing out my problems. But I didn't want to listen to it more and more. Especially when he said, "This is the third time I have reminded you of this, but you didn't correct it." I was so angry. I thought that," Why are you not compassionate to me and why don't you save my face." Maybe he saw my long face and dared not point out my shortcomings again for fear of hurting my "dignity."
Actually it is my attachment of pursuing "fame." I liked to hear good things and disliked the bad things. I tend to be upset when I hear criticism. Afterwards, I realized that practitioner was really helping me. How can we get rid of the attachment when we hide and cover it? So I wanted to tell that practitioner that, "please go on to point out my shortcomings and do not mind my being upset. Because my true self hopes you will do this. That angry me was not my true self. It was a fake me made of karma and bad human notions."
Sometimes when I did something to validate the Fa, I was complacent. I felt good about myself and felt I was great. Actually, I could not have achieved it without Teacher's support. And probably I could not have even solved the living crisis without Teacher's merciful support and care. In addition, I did that with other practitioners' help. Many practitioners worked together to make it. I could not find anything to be happy about.
Why did I have so many attachments? And why could I not get rid of them? The fundamental reason was that I didn't study the Fa enough. Although I was studying the Fa, sometimes I didn't concentrate on what I was reading. I didn't cultivate myself solidly. I didn't look within when confronting conflicts; instead, I tried to find fault with other practitioners. For example, when I had conflict with other practitioners because of my attachment to money, I would say, "I know I have attachments, but you also have attachments" It seemed that other practitioner's attachments became the reason why I did not let go of my attachments.
Teacher said, "I'll tell you a truth: the whole process of cultivation is a process of constantly getting rid of human attachments." (Zhuan Falun) And I think that even if we are in Fa-Rectification Period Cultivation and we are saving sentient beings, it is very important to let go of attachments. Otherwise, these attachments will cause unnecessary tests and tribulations for us. Old forces would control the evil to take advantage of our omission. This would not only bring tribulations to us, but also bring a loss to our saving sentient beings.
I knew very well that I was under Teacher's benevolent protection and care, but I was far from being diligent. Teacher has indescribable benevolence and will not give up on any disciple. When I was not enlightened, Teacher hinted to me continually. When I could not overcome the obstacle, Teacher encouraged me. When the tribulation was beyond my ability to endure, Teacher endured it for me. How could I not be diligent! I will assist Teacher in the human world and do what I should do.
Finally, let me encourage you all with a poem from Hong Yin II:
Although cultivation matters are discussed
Attachments in the heart must be discarded
What is given up is not one's self
Everything is foolishness in the maze