Some Experiences Looking Within

A Dafa Disciple in North America

PureInsight | July 1, 2016

[] I would like to share two experiences looking within. Please kindly point out anything that is inappropriate.

Casting off Resentment towards My Mother

One day in 2008, my nephew came home after college graduation. Upon seeing the showcase in his room, he immediately became angry with my sister-in-law. His showcase had many car models, but my sister-in-law messed up the arrangement of the models while cleaning. At the time, I tried convincing my nephew that it was not a big deal as they were just car models. My nephew replied, “I pay careful attention to where I place my car models. Now that my mom arranged them randomly, people will think that I have no standards. I have told my mom many times to not touch my car models, but she never listens…”

Master said in Teaching the Fa at the Eastern U.S. Fa Conference, “When two people have a conflict and a third person sees it, even that third person should think about whether there are any problems on his part—‘Why did I happen to see it?’”. What should I look inwards for after seeing this event?

When I took my daughter to Kunming on July 20, 1999, my Mother took Master’s portrait, Falun poster, Lun Yu, and practice audiotapes from my home. After we returned, my Mother repeatedly refused to return them. I then told her, “If you insist on not returning my things, then you must look after and protect them.” She then told me that she had destroyed them. I got angry with my Mother and had several arguments with her. From that point on whenever there was a conflict between us, I always apologized. One year, my Mother had a stroke, which I thought was retribution for destroying Master’s portrait.

After witnessing what happened with my nephew, I now understand. As cultivators, we know to not destroy Master’s portrait, but ordinary people do not. Why did my mother destroy the portrait? Wasn’t she afraid that I would suffer persecution? Wasn’t she deceived by the CCP? Yet I was still resentful towards her. After I understood this, the deeply rooted grudge I held against my mother disappeared. This time I did not apologize to her, but she understood me and said, “You are very busy. Your father and I are doing well, so there is no need to visit us.” Previously, she would become upset whether I visited her or not. She always complained that I spent all of my time on Fa-rectification things and did not put enough effort into making money. When I changed, everything around me changed.

Cultivating Myself

A few days ago, when I was driving home from the Aviation Museum, another practitioner who was in my car told me that there was a practitioner who could meditate for hours but often swore at ordinary people. I wanted to say, “How could she be a practitioner? She has not reached the requirement in Zhuan Falun: ‘not hitting back when attacked or talking back when insulted’” Instead of saying this, I decided to look inwards. I cannot always cultivate others and never cultivate myself. I never insult people and did not do so even when I was an ordinary person, so what should I look inwards for?

At that moment, Master’s Fa in Essentials for Further Advancement appeared in my mind "These problems have already become very serious. It would be good if they could manage to search within themselves for the things that they have been able to find in others."

After looking within, I found it. Although I did not insult others orally, I would do so in my mind. I was usually calm, but my state of mind became unstable when I encountered tribulations. Sometimes I would complain that the car in front of me was driving too slowly and then insult the driver: Why is such a stupid person driving such a nice car? Wouldn’t you have made it if you just stepped on the gas?

From this incident, I found my attachment to saving face, jealousy and not being strict with myself. I did not think that these things were important.

Master said in Zhuan Falun, "We need to always have a compassionate heart and calm mind. Then when you suddenly run into some problem you’ll be able to handle it well." Because I did not cultivate myself according to Master’s Fa, whenever I encountered a problem, my attachments would become aroused. I hope that I can strictly follow Master’s requirements for the remainder of my cultivation path.


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