PureInsight | August 25, 2019
1. Ask Master for a path of further refinement
In 2009, while I was a teacher at a school in Beijing, I seriously considered the issue of marriage and made a wish in front of Master’s picture: "Master, I would like to have a cultivation path without marriage because I have no time to waste. I want nothing but a further refinement path.” Although my understanding might not be correct; but I had a better cultivation heart in that realm.
However, what exactly was my further refinement? I started from the basic for a cultivator. There were few practitioners around me at that time and I was eager to be with Dafa disciples. So I chose the global practice time mentioned in Minghui website. It suggested bed time after righteous thoughts sending at 12:10 am; morning practice at 3:45 am and again righteous thoughts sending at 5:55am. When I finished everything at 6:10am, the whole campus was so quiet and most people were still sleeping. I was so happy because I was one early bird in Master’s hand. Soon, the police found me and I lost my job. It seemed like I was full of energy but no place to use. Overseas fellow practitioners told me they need me. I was so excited and went abroad and worked for the Media company. I felt like dissolving into the Fa.
After going abroad, I reminded myself that the attachments to the peaceful life and to being away from mainland China were the main forms of the tests for me. I wouldn’t let these attachments grow. So I maintained strictly my daily routines just like in China by doing the five exercises and reading one lecture. In the beginning everyone working for the Media did not get an income. We worked steadfastly and never thought about money, and always believed the Media would take off soon as a business. We cooperated well in teamwork and helped each other.
After almost seven years, nothing changed much. I did not enlighten to higher levels in my Fa study and sometimes almost fell asleep while doing the exercises. My work status did not improve either.
I became attached to others’ attachment; from being full of confidence in the project to being unsure where the changes would be; from modesty to disobedience; from correcting the problems to questioning others.
I knew I had problems but didn’t know where they were.
2. Find the self-deviation
The progress of returning to the refinement path has been slow. I am still being tested and would like to share some of my recent experiences.
At the beginning of the year, we wanted to adjust a popular program time. The radio station threatened us that they would not use that program if we did that. They even put some restrictions on it. I was trying to see if they would persist without giving up because I was critical of the coordinator.
One night, a coordinator called me and said they wouldn’t adjust the program time. I was angry immediately and didn’t expect that changing a person would give the same result. I was disappointed and couldn’t calm down. When the coordinator asked for my suggestion, I was fairly rude and said, “I have no suggestion because it has nothing to do with me. I can’t understand why you call me now. I just don’t like how you deal with the problems!”
The next morning, I was still thinking I was right. They were unprincipled as long as there were temporary benefits. However, the coordinator’s helplessness made me unbearable. I didn’t want to make her feel that way. Why did I hurt others? I still remembered the question “What is your suggestion?” I assumed myself as a decision maker for this matter and saw what I could do. I found I was hesitating at first and wouldn’t say no. Then I started to think about every solution and tried to weigh them. I eventually realized that the program was for the readers. Nothing else was important. We were here for them. I was ashamed of my attitude. I was hoping to support other practitioners all the time. Instead I caused trouble. She had to digest these with her righteous thoughts and continue to do what she should do. Immediately, I apologized to her through phone call.
It touched me a lot. Without putting myself in her place, I couldn’t believe my firm view could be changed. I understood why we should cooperate with a coordinator unconditionally.
Later, I changed my negative opinion through an in-depth conversation with this customer. I realized the ordinary people were good. Whenever there was a contradiction between the cultivator and the ordinary people, it should also have the cultivator’s problem. It would always be our problem to block the improvement of the ordinary people. However, we were still complaining about the ordinary people’s problem. I felt ashamed again. When the customer muttered to himself, “It is my mission to help the voice of hope”, I knew this person’s understanding side was anxious, He was a good person and I almost pushed him out. I must rectify myself to save people.
Some more experience on cooperation
When I was assigned to a project by the leadership, I was so surprised because it belonged to another department. However, other practitioners told me it was a good thing. I felt the kindness and humility behind the two words “good things”. Those two words disintegrated the bad things from me.
However, I was soon assigned to another project. I was very unhappy because it shouldn’t be assigned to me. At the last minute, I had to contact some related people to finish it. They tried to understand what they could do and cooperated with me. An emergency issue involving different cities was resolved in half an hour. Master showed me my performance had already deviated from my original desire. I thought I was assisting Master by devoting myself into the project. But I had an attachment to self-awareness and self-interest. I would be picky and negative when I was not satisfied. Thanks Master for showing me my problems. Thanks to those fellow practitioners who let me see my gap.
Enlighten from Master in the process of the citizenship examination
Looking back, when I was in the middle school, a group of Russian-speaking college students came to our school and we had to learn Russian reluctantly. After I came to the US, I was also reluctant to learn English. However, I wanted to bring my dad to US to cultivate. Then I decided to take the citizenship examination and started to learn English. The obstacles in my heart were bigger than the obstacles of the matter itself. I tried my best and memorized English after righteous thought sending at 3 am and took time off from the orchestra practice. When I took the test, I failed at a very simple question: “What do you do?” It was not in my review book. The interviewer didn’t let me pass; but communicated with me using Mandarin. I told him I couldn’t go back China to visit my dad because of the persecution. My dad missed me so much and I had hoped to reunite with him. He suggested to meet my dad in Hong Kong. I knew the true reason that I failed because I forgot what I should do. “What do you do” was the problem in my recent cultivation. I forgot Dafa disciples should save people. Master enlightened me through the examiner and wanted me to cherish the arrangement.
Later, before retaking the examination, I still worked hard while doing other things. I told myself to learn English but shouldn’t stop doing other things. I practiced seriously at the orchestra and finished all the jobs given to me. One day, I was assigned a very time-consuming job. I asked the manager if I could postpone it for two weeks but was refused. I knew it still tested my priority. Then I tried my best to finish it. On the examination day, the manager assigned me another project. I was worried about my exam and wanted to do it after the examination. However, I did it right away. I read an article about how a fellow practitioner trusted Master and Fa during his University exam. On my way to the exam, I reminded myself: the process tested what I believed. I was so lucky to meet the same interviewer. He let me pass this time. Those parts I didn’t prepare for were skipped. Later he asked me what Falun Gong was. I could not answer and I knew Master wanted me to study English well so I can clarify the truth about Dafa.
I had more experience in the process of English study. Actually, Master enlightened me to learn English three years ago. But I always avoided this. This time, my cultivation improved in the process of learning English. I began to do other things at the same time. I realized I became more and more active in the process of taking more responsibilities. My cultivation status became better and better. So I realized that it is the best way to face and overcome difficulties.
3. Return to the path of refinement
I would like to share a story. A fellow practitioner took a printer, which was used to print truth clarification materials, to a shop to fix a problem and was told it was too old with all parts worn off and cannot be repaired. He took the printer back with tears. I was deeply touched whenever I thought of this printer. It was like an agreement between me and Master: I would fulfill my vows and there was always an idea in my mind of trying all my best in the Fa-rectification path. However, it could easily backfire when I had attachment. I often asked myself, how long should it take to cultivate solidly? Today I asked Master to bless me for my refinement path to fulfill my vows.
Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/250989