PureInsight | August 23, 2004
[PureInsight.org] The reason for my writing on this subject is that just now I asked myself a question; "If today was the first day I decided to cultivate, what kind of state would I be in?" During the first days of my cultivation, my mood was cheerful and bright. Finally finding the place where my life belonged, I felt a feeling of safeness, and an urgent feeling of wanting to immediately return to my original home. So I would get up at 4 AM and go out to practice the exercises with other practitioners. Even when I only had 10 minutes of free time, I would still bring out Zhuan Falun to read. Every word in Zhuan Falun flew into my eyes and deep into my heart. I tried my best to attend all the experience sharing and group Fa study sessions. I had the courage to share with others my doubts, places where I needed to improve my xinxing and my understandings of the Fa. When comparing myself with other practitioners, I tried my best to find places where I fell short and hoped that I wouldn't fall behind. I also was very eager to spread the Fa to others.
It is true that during that period of time, I sometimes went to the extremes, being competitive and overzealous, which all resulted in encountering some tribulations. But with a diligent heart, I quickly passed those tribulations. Everyone around me noticed the changes in my body, mind and conduct. In addition, my understanding of the Fa was experiencing giant leaps forward.
Thinking about this topic, I asked myself, "What is happening to me today?" After practicing for six years and making it through the most difficult time of Fa rectification, I now struggle to get out of bed in the morning and battle with sleepiness while meditating. Sometimes I just let my consciousness go and go back to sleep. In my heart, I sum up how much Dafa work I have done and how many hours of sleep I've lost. I no longer have the attitude of quenching a thirst when studying the Fa. While clarifying the truth, I always feel that I've already done this or that today and haven't wasted the day away. Since our Master said we are magnificent, I feel I am magnificent too. While lying on the bed of past glory, many small demons are able to take advantage of my loopholes.
I appear calmer because I have fewer experiences to share now. It seems that I make fewer mistakes, and the friction between other disciples and me has lessened as well. I've also learned how to throw out certain jargon and say that we need to do this or that as a group. My hair has started to turn white; my body has also started to age. I lack energy. Realizing that my attitude towards saving sentient beings and the progress that I make in saving sentient beings fall behind what Master has required of us, I feel helpless.
After writing this much, I finally realized what my problem was. Cultivators have to get rid of the notion of time. It doesn't matter how many years you have cultivated; the important thing is whether we are in the state of a cultivator ever minute and every moment of every day. In cultivation, we also have to get rid of the notion of our past achievements. Those are things of the past, no matter how glorious or how ugly they were, they are nothing but a step that must be taken on the path of our journey home and are not of any use to our day-to-day cultivation.
In reality, if we can take each day as the starting point of our cultivation, then no matter how well or how badly we did before, we need not stay attached to that. I think that way we can walk with a much lighter load. We will be more tolerant towards our fellow practitioners and our cultivation environment will improve. We only need to use the Fa to direct our actions and words, and work hard to reach the state of a cultivator. I have also come to understand the following: while our past cultivation way was to practice, study and spread the Fa in a group environment, our current cultivation method revolves around studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth. In the past, the only way we could get through our personal tribulations was to approach them with complete commitment to cultivation and determination. Today, if we want to make it through the doubts and confusions that we might experience, we must throw ourselves wholeheartedly into our Dafa work with the same determination and commitment that we had before in our personal cultivation.
If I can act as if each day were the first day of my cultivation, then I would be eager to study the Fa even if I had just ten minutes, I would demand of myself the use of righteous thoughts to handle every problem in every moment, and I would use righteous thoughts to deny every interference and persecution. If I could do that, I believe that all the doubts and confusions that I am experiencing would all go away very quickly. I am telling myself that from this moment onward, I will act as if every day is the first day of my cultivation.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2004/7/11/28118.html