PureInsight | May 9, 2005
[PureInsight.org] I was very busy all last week. After the NY Experience Sharing Conference, I finished a bunch of things that I was taking care of and then drove back to the conference center to see whether there was anything else that needed to be done. It was after 8 pm. All practitioners who were attending the conference had already left. So I went back to my car and began to eat a leftover sandwich from lunch. While I was eating in the car, I thought of an incident of arguing with a fellow female practitioner over a minor matter right before the conference. Although I had already apologized to the practitioner in question, I still felt bad, not knowing why.
In my daily life, I encounter many chances to raise my xinxing. But most of the time I don't seem to have the time to think about them and tend to just forget about them. But my argument with the fellow practitioner continued to bother me.
In the past, I couldn't comprehend why practitioners would quarrel in public. I thought to myself, "We need to care for each others. We shouldn't even think about being angry with each other, especially since we are all doing our best to clarify the truth and save sentient beings."
Let me describe what the argument with the female practitioner was about. I felt a bit irritated after a preparation meeting for the Experience Sharing Conference. There were many things practitioners were planning to do during the conference. We had finished making arrangements for certain things and hadn't for some other things. I felt a little unsettled. After the meeting, many practitioners came over and waited to get some material from me. As I was busy handing out the material, a fellow practitioner called me on my cell phone and wanted me to deliver something. I told her that I didn't have the time to talk to her at the moment. I didn't even know who it was and I just hung up. She called back again since she didn't get a definitive answer from me. I was a bit annoyed and told her that it would need to wait for a couple of hours and hung up. She called back a third time and I was really tired of it; I told her that I didn't have the time to deliver anything for her and that if she needed it so urgently, she'd need to get it herself. After I said that, I hung up the phone. Soon afterwards, she appeared in front of me with an angry posture. A thought came to me, "why do women always behave this way?" I lost control of myself and started to argue with her.
I felt very bad afterwards. Usually when fellow practitioners got angry with me, I seldom lost control. I might not be too happy, but I could still control myself and didn't really mind. It usually would be over in a few minutes. I kept asking myself why I lost control this time.
I thought of this matter for two days and suddenly I remembered an example Teacher mentioned in his teaching. During our cultivation, the capacity of our breadth of mind is like a water container. When it is full, adding even one more drop will cause the water to spill over. I realized that on the surface it was about my losing control of myself over such a minor thing. Actually, it is a sign that I need to raise my xinxing level and increase the capacity of my breadth of mind. In my case, I didn't handle myself well and I stumbled. From that, I understand several cultivation principles at the same time
Reflecting upon this incident of my inability to keep my mind calm, I realized that for the past few days, on top of things not running smoothly, which tested my xinxing, there was also a deep attachment hidden within me. The reversal role of men and women in our contemporary society is very serious. I always wish our fellow female practitioners would behave in a more feminine manner. In my sub-consciousness, this wish has become an attachment. When I see several female practitioners around me behave like men, I can't accept it. Several days earlier, a fellow female practitioner mentioned absent-mindedly that she wished she could be more feminine. But she lamented that for the past twenty years, she has always been doing men's work and thus her personality is like a man's. Her words reminded me that I shouldn't disapprove of other people just because others couldn't match my expectation. It is not how a cultivator should behave. As a cultivator, I shouldn't ask others to behave in certain ways. Instead, it is more important that I do better. Besides, any single thing that moves our mind gives us an opportunity for raising our mindset. We male practitioners should undertake more responsibilities for our families and society and shouldn't use any excuse to avoid or escape any troublesome work. I shouldn't expect other people to do certain things; instead, I need to learn to care for others and try to understand others from their angles.
In the past, because my relationships with fellow practitioners had always been warm, I felt my cultivation in this area was good. Thus, when I saw conflicts between fellow practitioners, I would secretly think ill of them, feeling they weren't good cultivators, and couldn't keep my mind calm. My argument with the practitioner thus reminded me that as cultivators, we shouldn't judge a matter only from the surface. I believe I will be more understanding of fellow practitioners who have conflicts with other practitioners.
Through this incident, I realized the following - when it's time to raise our xinxing level, it doesn't matter what kind of matter the xinxing test is over. Regardless of how big or small the thing is, how important it is, or whether it is right or wrong, we shouldn't let our minds be moved by it. When our minds are moved, we should unconditionally look within ourselves. I think, as a cultivator, we need to be beyond human sentiments such as love and hate, good or bad, like or dislike. Only when we step out of our sentiments, we'll comprehend the state of "look at the world with compassion, only then awaken from illusions." (From an unofficial translation of "Achieving Consummation and Completing Gong," HongYin, April 21, 1996)
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2005/5/2/32186.html
