Cultivation Dairy: Reputation

Jin Long

PureInsight | August 29, 2005

[] Before I got off work today, a small misunderstanding occurred between a colleague and me. I felt a little frustrated and down. I thought, "I have been trying to follow what Teacher requires of us and to be better than the best man in the world. I am afraid of making a mistake, which might cause people to make a comment: 'Oh, so this is what a Falun Gong practitioner is like!' Therefore, I have been vigilantly protecting the reputation of Falun Gong and the image of Falun Gong practitioners by behaving perfectly. But why do I suddenly feel too exhausted to protect Falun Gong's reputation this way?"

I started asking myself whether I am too attached to fame. As a cultivator, I am not supposed to have any attachment to fame. If it is time to remove the attachment to fame, does it mean that I have no responsibility to protect Falun Gong's reputation? This seems to be self-contradictory.

Teacher said, "[…] the Fa is all-powerful, and with everything It is perfectly all-encompassing." (From Essentials for Further Advancement II.)

This means that I must have come to accept something incorrect. But what?

I didn't find the answer right away, but after I sent forth righteous thoughts and calmed down, I realized what was wrong. I didn't want to be good unconditionally. I just wanted to be good with the purpose of protecting the superficial reputation of Falun Gong. I wanted to be good so that people would see that Falun Gong practitioners are good people. I wasn't trying to be a genuinely good person from the bottom of my heart. I wasn't trying to genuinely assimilate to the Fa. I just wanted to build a reputation as a good person. As long as people think I am a good person and Falun Gong is good, they will be saved. But I didn't really want to change myself. In other words, I am pretending to be a good person. Isn't it a mentality of a terrible opportunist?

I finally realized that it was because I didn't really want to change myself that I felt exhausted trying to protect Falun Gong's reputation. Otherwise, it would be a relaxing and pleasant task.

It is so wonderful that I have made progress in the Fa today!

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