Cultivation Diary: Why No One Can Criticize Me

By Jin Gang Xiao

PureInsight | August 4, 2008

[] A while back, I encountered something very difficult to deal with. A few practitioners told me that some practitioners thought that I was a spy. Moreover, they also told others about many things that I did not do well. After I heard this, I laughed it off on the spot. Later when I thought about the incident, my human notions arose. I thought, "How could they stab me in the back? Why bring up now the things that I did not do well long ago?" The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. In particular, those practitioners whom I trusted suspected that I was a spy, and I could not accept that.

I reminded myself that everything that happens on the path of cultivation is all good, and I should unconditionally look inwards. After I calmed down, I thought about Master's "Fa-Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners" and asked myself, "Why do I feel so uncomfortable and so wronged?"

Regarding myself, I know I am very stubborn. No one is allowed to talk about me. If an ordinary person talks about me, I can barely tolerate it. If a practitioner talks about me, I will immediately reject it and start to defend myself. One time, a group of us got together to share, and when a fellow practitioner openly criticized me in a serious manner, I could not stand it. I went home and cried my heart out.

For quite a while after that incident, there was a barrier between me and other practitioners. I had the notion that you should use methods that I can accept and gently tell me what I did wrong; otherwise I cannot look inwards. Such an attachment is laughable-conditionally looking inwards.

When I seriously analyzed my filthy and silly human notions, I found what lay behind my "no one can criticize me" mentality. In my own dimensional field, there were various kinds of selfish materials that prevented me from noticing this until my fellow practitioner alerted me with criticism.

A cultivator can accept criticism from everyone, why can't I?  How come when one person criticizes me in private, I can stand it, but when it happens in front of a group, I feel miserable? Why is it alright for people to criticize me to my face but not behind my back? Does that mean I can only accept criticism conditionally? Isn't that vanity? When I have such an attachment to vanity, how could I complain about my fellow practitioner's lack of compassion and try hard to find their shortcomings? I should have looked at myself and found out why I thought so much of myself in the first place!

Actually, fellow practitioners tried to use various ways to awaken me! I cannot take any human notions with me to heaven, and yet, I thought that I was as precious as a flower. If they had not used such methods to make me uncomfortable and to touch my filthy heart, I probably really would have believed that I was a precious flower. From that standpoint, when other practitioners try to help me to elevate my xinxing and get rid of my human notions, isn't that a demonstration of great compassion? Shouldn't I be grateful instead of finding fault with them? Aren't the principles of cultivation just the opposite of those of ordinary people?

Besides the impression that I was a spy, practitioners also brought up my many weaknesses. I should really think about it seriously. Did my words and actions deviate from the Fa? Was I being irrational and inconsiderate to others? Those factors brought me a lot of misunderstandings. They even mentioned my past mistakes. The important point is whether it bothers me. If it does, I still have something to eliminate. If I could have truly laughed it off, I would not have reacted so poorly. If I had gotten rid of my selfishness, no matter what others said, I could have stayed calm. As long as my heart was moved, it should be a golden opportunity to look inwards.

Cultivation is indeed a serious matter. Every bit of human notion has to go. Today, I'll say good-bye to my "no one can criticize me" self-protective notion.

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