Cultivation Story: Believing in Master and Letting Go of Fear
[PureInsight.org] I have to admit that I used to be a practitioner with a severe attachment of fear. Because of that, I did poorly with truth-clarification. For a period of time, I had so much fear that I dared not step out the door. This feeling was very strong whenever I saw a police car. I have now let go of this attachment, and this process can be divided into three stages.
Stage 1: Not intimidated by fear
I was very worried about my fear, but that did not seem to help. Every day I spent lots of time studying the Fa, and read practitioners' articles from the Minghui and Zhengjian websites. Seeing how they cultivated diligently, I could see the gap between them and myself. Meanwhile, I was able to understand how they let go of fear.
It was true that I had cultivated poorly. Nonetheless, I was thinking: since Master asked us to do the three things, I must do them and cannot stop doing them no matter how much fear I have. With that thought, Master constantly cared for me compassionately, I then learnt that my fear was rooted in human notions and thought karma.
I decided to step forward and distribute truth-clarification materials. At the beginning, I had no fear at all and distributed all materials in a short time. After arriving home, I was not sure if I had done the right thing. When reading experience-sharing articles from fellow practitioners, I found some that discussed my situation; that is, distributing materials was like finishing assignments. Realizing my inappropriate mindset, I wanted to correct it. However, when going to distribute materials later, I became fearful again. Once when entering a community, the security guard took a look at me. I was afraid and thus did not enter.
I realized that I had to find the root cause of this fear. I searched within and found many attachments. I wrote them down on a notepad and reminded myself of them often. When I continued to distribute materials, I still had fear, but I knew that it was not me and that it wanted to influence and control me. I therefore decided to not pay any attention to the fear and kept on distributing materials, day after day and year after year. One day, I realized that even when a security guard looked at me, I was not nervous any more. I went to different communities naturally, finished distributing materials, and left.
Stage 2: Using supernormal abilities as a practitioner
Now I had less fear than I did in the past. Nonetheless, it still surfaced when I clarified the truth. So I decided to suppress it and eliminate it with righteous thoughts whenever it surfaced.
When I was distributing truth-clarification materials one day, someone suddenly appeared in front of me. I knew Master was helping me, and resolved the situation. However, my attachment of fear surfaced again.
I knew my situation was due to an insufficient understanding of the Fa. Master is very compassionate; since there appeared to be many experiencing-sharing articles in that category once I realized my problem. I read them carefully and made notes of my understandings on them. Master also constantly gave me hints. As I continued to search within, I was still clarifying the truth every day.
One day during Fa-study, I was reading the following paragraph, “If you can actually do it, you will indeed find ‘After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!’” (Zhuan Falun) I suddenly realized why I had been fearful in the past—it was because I had considered myself an everyday person.
Through continuous Fa-study, I came to understand that I am a practitioner and I should use supernormal abilities rather than acting like an everyday person. However, how should I do it? Since then, I increased the time of sending forth righteous thoughts and specifically targeted the places where I planned to distribute truth-clarification materials. From then on, I was no longer afraid when distributing materials and things went smoothly.
The above describes the second stage of my progress, that is, reminding myself that I am a practitioner, and using supernormal abilities to do things.
Stage 3: Stepping forward from being an everyday person to becoming an Enlightened Being
When looking back, I found that Master has explained the Fa very clearly and in great detail. I did not understand it in the past because I had not truly cultivated in the past. When limiting myself to the superficial level, I was unable to see the deep inner meaning of Dafa.
Regardless of when during daily life, or when doing the three things, if we do not align ourselves with the Fa, we are not genuinely cultivating. Although I had regarded myself as a practitioner, I was always nervous when hearing rumors or words about persecution. By being like that, I was an everyday person, not a practitioner. A genuine cultivator should catch human notions as soon as they arise and eliminate them immediately. We can never acknowledge them. I came to finally understand this only after a long process.
Since then, I began to use Master’s words to guide myself without any further thinking and always tried my best to achieve the maximum effect. I felt like I was making progress every day.
Occasionally, the attachment of fear still pops up, but it is very weak and seems to struggle for survival. I am doing better in using supernormal abilities, and understand more when studying the Fa.
Now, I have truly understood what is believing in Master and believing in the Fa. Our existence is not for ourselves, but for assisting Master with the Fa-rectification.
Above is some of my understanding. Please point out anything inappropriate.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2011/5/7/74241.html