PureInsight | September 7, 2012
[PureInsight.org] I’ve been cultivating for more than 10 years now and in all this time I’ve been fumbling along, learning lesson after lesson. I must have generated lots of worry for Honorable Master. From the beginning, it was difficult for me to look inward, but gradually after running into many conflicts I learned how. However, sometimes, I still find it difficult to look inward thoroughly and unconditionally, especially when a conflict is very strong. For example, on time the practitioners from my study group told me I was doing something wrong, but I didn’t think that I was. Back then, I felt very uneasy about looking within.
At another time I was not cultivating diligently and news came through that some fellow practitioners had been arrested. My family started to ridicule me for being a practitioner. I couldn’t tolerate the criticism anymore and began to argue back angrily with them. I felt very sorry afterwards. I realized that I had not kept calm nor upheld up my Xinxing. It was like I kept making the same mistake again and again and I felt extremely depressed. As a result, I started to slack off. In seeking comfort, even though I had certain regrets, I decided to quit doing anything. Then I woke up one day feeling very sorry for myself. I had not lived up to the expectations of Honorable Master and had wasted too much precious time. What should I do? I was anxious, yet, I felt almost like there was nothing I could do to change myself.
A few days ago, sitting alone at home I began thinking aloud: “What shall I do? I really need to do something to change myself.” Honorable Master must have worried for me, and the old evil forces must have been happy to see my current state. I said to myself: “I will stop it right away. I won’t slip away anymore.” Suddenly, it occurred to me that I needed to “tolerate the intolerable.” I had always followed this principle whenever I felt physical pain or when I was doing the cross-legged sitting meditation exercise and my legs seriously hurt. Yet, I had never realized that I should also practice this principle just the same when in a Xinxing conflict. As practitioners, we all know that to upgrade Xinxing is crucial to one’s elevation in cultivation so I told myself, “I will tolerate the intolerable from now on in Xinxing conflicts.”
Well, conflicts appeared right away. The other day, my husband who is also a practitioner, started to criticize my dress and uttered many bad words about how I looked that day. I was always very sensitive to how I dressed in public, still needing to get rid of vanity. With such strong self-esteem, whenever people made fun of my appearance, I would feel very angry. That day, my husband kept criticizing my dress, over and over again. I started to recite, “tolerate the intolerable,” in my heart, kept calm and stayed quiet. In the end, I said to my husband: “Look, I don’t have the time to change [my dress] right now, you can stop it.” My husband stopped muttering after that.
This morning, my husband was doing the exercises when suddenly a water pipe broke. My husband told me to get up, commanding that I fix it and do this and that. I was sleepy after staying awake until 2am the night before. I was very unhappy and unwilling to follow my husband’s orders. Then I reminded myself of the principle “tolerate the intolerable.” Without grievance, I completed all the things my husband had ordered me to do and fixed the pipe.
After enlightening to this simple principle, my unstable cultivation stabilized. I feel greatly indebted to Honorable Master and have made up my mind: I will diligently cultivate myself and follow Honorable Master back to my original home!
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/111080