PureInsight | December 25, 2012
[PureInsight.org] There are already many discussions on the topic of lust for cultivators. Many fellow Dafa practitioners have shared their thoughts on this and I have learned a lot from the discussions.
I have made myself tired thinking about this particular attachment and have tried on many occasions to completely eliminate it. However, I was still being interfered with and when I would fail to pass one test of lust, I would feel totally miserable. Afterwards, I would still be unsure of what to do. Sometimes, I would start to doubt whether I could get rid of this attachment to lust altogether. I would tell myself that with help from Master and the Fa I could achieve detachment from it.
From the perspective of the Fa, I understood that desire for lust does not originate from the pure primordial self. My primordial self is crystal clear. Only after I reincarnated to this world of desire was my true self contaminated with such an attachment. The old evil forces must have arranged a detailed plan for me right after I was born into this human world to drag me down.
Equipped with such an understanding of this issue, I would, on most occasions, control myself. When the attachment of lust arose, I would try very hard to suppress it and say to myself: “This is not my thought, stop it!” Yet, sometimes, I would slacken off and keep thinking about lust once the attachment floated in my mind. I would then feel sorry later when I came to my senses again. Why was there such a recurrence? I think it was due to a weak main consciousness: I couldn’t make my main consciousness control my thoughts. Another reason is that I am still somewhat attached to this human world. My original determination to try and get rid of this attachment to lust was out of fear that the old evil forces might take advantage of this attachment to persecute me. I was not ready to root out the attachment though.
But now that the situation has improved, my attachment to lust is re-emerging. I was thinking that I would completely wipe it out at the very end of my cultivation, so I could still enjoy my human life a little longer. Sometimes, I even think that it’s just human nature; lust is almost the same as the desire for food, it is simply impossible to forget it. So I would give myself a break on the issue and think I could get rid of it bit by bit. Plagued with such notions, I set myself up for failure on this matter. I have basically wanted both my holy Buddha body as well as my flesh body.
As a result, the evil forces would certainly take advantage of me and continuously reinforce such attachments. It is very clear that the evil forces are determined to ruin my cultivation with the help of this particular attachment. It is already very difficult in today’s degenerate human society to cultivate oneself. Yet, I am still trying to reserve room for lust which is creating more blockages on my path to divinity. I’ve realized that I am simply too selfish. I only pay attention to my own human experiences, I have forgotten my mission to save sentient beings, and how difficult it has been for Master to save us. If I carry on with my attachment, I will be ruined for sure and I will never be able to live up to the great expectations placed upon me by Master.
Master says in Zhuan Falun: “When a cultivator can’t handle himself well it’s hard to save him, and there’s a good chance he’ll ruin himself.” When searching within, I have realized that my current slack cultivation state is closely tied to my attachment to lust. For example, I don’t remain focused when studying the Fa, I fall asleep when sending forth righteous thoughts, I can’t calm down when doing the sitting meditation exercise, my health doesn’t seem to improve much, I become tired too easily, and I am starting to show signs of aging already, etc. If I don’t make up my mind to eliminate this attachment to lust, I will ruin myself and ruin all those that are depending on me for salvation as well.
So, I’ve decided to strengthen my main consciousness, get rid of any last remaining desire and leave no room for lust whatsoever. I am going to study the Fa more, and study the Fa well. I will send forth righteous thoughts more often to cleanse my body’s field. As soon as the attachment appears, I will immediately eliminate it—I won’t give it any more nourishment. I will purify my thoughts and genuinely cultivate myself. I will diligently do the three things. I don’t want to let the Master down; I want save all those sentient beings that are going to be part of my kingdom.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/113457