PureInsight | February 25, 2013
[PureInsight.org] Recently when I was distributing software that breaks through the Chinese Government’s internet firewall while in a shuttle bus, I ran into three college students who not only didn’t accept it, but also began using biting sarcasm toward me. During and after the incident I calmed myself and began looking within for the cause of the problem in order to disintegrate it. I then experienced an elevation in my cultivation.
When I distributed software to the other people sitting in the van, they were all very happy. However, when I gave them to the three college students sitting in the back, not only did they immediately decline, but they also began spreading the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) propaganda to “look at society’s positive aspects instead of its negative aspects.” I immediately felt that the college students had been deeply poisoned and were acting very naïve and ridiculous. I was so set on convincing them that it seemed all my wisdom had been suppressed, and I didn’t know how to word anything. Their words became more presumptuous as they intensified. I felt contempt that the CCP had poisoned people to this state; they were nothing more than disabled. Then I thought, “There are always people who can’t be saved. I’ll just let them go.” Only at the end did I think of searching for my own problem.
Master told us, “Any time some kind of interference comes along in your practice, you have to look within for the cause and find what it is you still haven’t let go of” (Zhuan Falun). Master also said, “Whatever it is that you encounter, the first thought should be to scrutinize yourself, and it’s called ‘looking within’” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”). I was so interfered with that I kept looking externally. Only after many chanced did I think of looking inwards. What a shortcoming! At the time, I only found the attachment of competitiveness and didn’t look deeper.
The next evening when I was sending forth righteous thoughts at 6 PM, I sat down half an hour earlier to really calm myself and look inwards and found many things. Our ordinary person expression is the shadow of our bad side. It is the projection of our demon nature.
It seemed that the attachment to competitiveness wasn’t very obvious in my daily life, but whenever I went to clarify the truth and met someone who didn’t understand or accept what I said or who said nasty things, the attachment would manifest. There was the attachment to saving face, the attachment to fame, wanting to always feel good about myself, and my preoccupation with upholding my image. I always behaved very smoothly around other fellow practitioners to conceal my attachments. But all of a sudden I lost face. There was also the attachment to convincing others in order to feel good about my persuasive skills. Whenever I clarified the truth, I did so much talking that the other person was speechless, and I thought that meant that they understood. The attachment of showing off also manifested itself from time to time. For example, on the bus I mentioned that I was a college student from the eighties, which just became something else for them to ridicule. There was also the attachment to scratching the surface and not clarifying the truth deeply enough. If I ran into a small obstacle, I’d feel discouraged and not want to keep clarifying. My excuse was that I already gave them a chance, and whether or not they accepted it was their business. There was also the feeling of hatred when hearing someone use biting sarcasm. Although I remained calm on the outside, I actually started fuming on the inside and became unhappy. There was also the attachment of imposing my thoughts on others.
As I found these attachments and disintegrated them, my body was very shaken and continuously expanded outwards. Every cell in my body was affected. Looking inwards is very profound, but I’m still very far from looking inwards from the start as Master said. I still have a large gap from being truly mature in cultivation.
The above is my recent experience. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.