PureInsight | March 27, 2014
[PureInsight.org] Even though I obtained the Fa before 1999, because I did not take Fa study very seriously and did not always use the Fa to cultivate my xinxing, I handled lots of tribulations rather sloppily. I especially could never let go of the attachment to benefits. Whenever something affected my own benefits, it felt really bitter and tiring whenever I wanted to let go of the attachment; but could not. Later under Master’s compassionate care and Dafa’s rectification, I finally broke through this tribulation. After letting go of the attachment to benefits, it really felt like two different xinxings, two different realms.
One night, my husband threw a temper tantrum at me after coming home from work. He angrily said, “The field rations for our family of four are gone!” I did not understand and asked, “Isn’t our family’s field being taken care of by our second eldest sister and younger brother?” My husband said, “I never said it wasn’t.” They ended up destroying our fields! I went to our second eldest sister’s house to inquire, and neither she nor her husband had good looks on their faces. They even said, ‘If you guys don’t have fields anymore, you should go find some in the village. Why are you coming to us?’” After hearing this, I was devastated and felt really uneasy. I thought, “I have always treated them well. How can they treat me like this?!”
Soon after, my heart was like a raging river. I thought about lots of past events. Because my second eldest sister’s family lived in the countryside, her children went to school in my county. For several years, they had been living and eating at my house. I had put so much effort into caring for them! It really wasn’t something that could be figured out in a few words. Also, when they were constructing their house, we helped them carry bricks, shingles and sand in our car and did not even ask for a penny.
As for my younger brother, he should not be treating me like this even more so as ever since he was young, I have always cared for and looked after him. Not only that, I have also done everything possible for his children. I paid for all their middle school expenses. Even the clothes his children wore were from me. Why were they so ungrateful? Even though we have the same mother, I did not necessarily have the responsibility to do that much. Not only are they not being grateful and reciprocating, they are treating us like this! Isn’t that “biting the hand that feeds them?”! These things kept interfering with me. Food had no taste and I could not sleep well. I kept tossing and turning at night. I did not know what I was reading while studying the Fa. I became very upset; it really felt like my heart was being cut out.
I then suddenly thought of a line from Master’s Fa:
“Whether you can let go of ordinary human attachments is a fatal test on your way to becoming a truly extraordinary being. Every disciple who truly cultivates must pass it, for it is the dividing line between a cultivator and an everyday person.
As a matter of fact, when you agonize over infringements upon your reputation, self-interest, and feelings among everyday people, it already indicates that you cannot let go of ordinary human attachments. You must remember this: Cultivation itself is not painful—the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain.
You fell here from a holy, pure, and incomparably splendid world because you had developed attachments at that level. After falling into a world that is, by comparison, most filthy, instead of cultivating yourself to go back in a hurry, you don’t let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses. Did you know that in order to save you the Buddha once begged for food among everyday people? Today, I once again make the door wide open, and teach this Dafa to save you. I have never felt bitter for the numerous hardships I have suffered. Then what do you have that still can’t be abandoned? Can you bring to heaven the things deep down inside that you cannot let go of?” (Essentials for Further Advancement: True Cultivation)
When comparing myself to the Fa, I truly felt ashamed! It was true! I had cultivated for so many years, yet I kept using ordinary human principles to guide myself. Did I want to be an ordinary person? In “True Cultivation” from Essentials for Further Advancement, Master already seriously told us, “Whether you can let go of ordinary human attachments is a fatal test on your way to becoming a truly extraordinary being. Every disciple who truly cultivates must pass it, for it is the dividing line between a cultivator and an everyday person.” I seemed to understand when reading the Fa but became clueless when faced with a specific situation. I treated myself as an ordinary person and used ordinary human principles to evaluate situations I encountered. I could not let go of ordinary benefits. Was I to remain deluded in the ordinary human realm? No!
After enlightening to the Fa, I completely let go of the attachment. I decided to go with the flow regardless of whether I gained or lost. After I truly let go of the attachment, I instantly felt like I had relieved a thousand pound weight from my back. My husband was still an ordinary person, so I had to sympathize with him and be considerate of his feelings. He angrily said to me, “They’re all your relatives. You tell us what we should do.” I could tell that he was blaming me to a certain extent. I soothingly said, “Don’t be mad. I know that my relatives are disappointing. If you really want to get the fields back, then go ask the village committee tomorrow. Then we’ll know exactly what happened.”
When my husband told the village committee about the situation, they said they would investigate. When I heard this news, I was not moved emotionally. I just went with the flow and did whatever I still had to do. A few days later, the village committee told us, “We have thoroughly investigated the situation with your family’s fields. They are all under your second eldest sister and younger brother. At first they did not want to admit it, but when we pulled out the evidence, they finally admitted it. How could there be such bad relatives?” After I let go of the attachment, we got our fields back just like that. From this ordeal, I understood another part of Master’s Fa: “So we cultivators should do that even less. We cultivators always let things happen naturally. If something is yours, nobody will take it away, and if something isn’t yours, you won’t be able to get it even by fighting for it” (Zhuan Falun). Master’s Fa is indeed the truth!
After breaking through this tribulation, I thought I had completely let go of the attachment to benefits. I did not expect that this attachment would still come up whenever I had a situation that involved my own personal benefits. One day, my second eldest sister’s husband came to our house and said, “The village is giving every villager 200 Yuan, but the money is only given to farmers. Whoever farms will receive the money. Your younger brother and I have been farming the fields of your family of four, so we came to split the money. The four of you should have gotten 800 Yuan. Do you still want it? We’ll give you half.” When I heard this, I felt my heart move emotionally, but my clearheaded side immediately said, “I did not farm. If it’s not for me, then I will not take it.”
Even though I said that, I still felt upset inside. I wanted to confirm that the situation was really how he described it, that only farmers could get the money. I called an older brother from my old house and asked, “Brother, I heard that everyone is receiving 200 Yuan. To whom exactly is the money given?” He responded, “The village has some money, so they’re giving some to the villagers. They did not specify who they were giving it to…” When I heard this response, I immediately thought to myself that I am cultivator. Could this situation possibly be a coincidence? Isn’t this a test to eliminate my attachment to benefits? Why am I still finding ordinary excuses to cover up my attachment to benefits? Doesn’t that show that I cannot let go of the attachment fundamentally? Master has already said this long ago,
“Right in the thick of this complicated ordinary people’s environment you’re clearheaded, you get shortchanged while you know full well what’s happening, and when other folks compromise your best interests you don’t fight tooth and nail like they do, and you’re taken advantage of while all kinds of things try to drag your character down. In a grueling environment like this you temper your will, you improve your character, and here, with all kinds of bad thoughts from ordinary people preying on you, you manage to come out of it detached” (Zhuan Falun).
“If a person wants to be saved, he must transcend the fact that he is in and experiencing firsthand a tough environment where there is adversity, self-interests, emotions and desires. Everything will involve a cultivator's self-interest, and anything can affect you as a person, your thoughts and emotions, your xinxing, and the things that you are attached to inside. If you manage to take a certain path and make certain choices, then you are extraordinary. Otherwise, you are an ordinary person. If you are able to step out of the reasoning and attachments of ordinary people, then you are a god. (Applause) That's totally different from the cultivation methods of the past” (Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York).
When I used the Fa to strictly guide myself and decided to completely let go of my attachment, I felt very carefree inside. I truly experienced the extraordinary sensation of “the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head”. (Zhuan Falun).
I must study the Fa more in the future and strictly use Dafa’s principles to guide myself. I must never use ordinary human principles to evaluate myself or others. Only by doing so will I stray off the cultivation path less and continuously improve in Dafa. I will catch up in the Fa-rectification process, better save sentient beings, complete the sacred mission of assisting Master in Fa-rectification and consummate and return with Master.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/125585