PureInsight | January 27, 2020
Greeting Master, Greetings Fellow Practitioners,
I was a little Dafa disciple who started practicing Falun Dafa with my dad in 2005. Since then, thirteen years have already passed. It is a Dafa disciple’s mission to validate the Fa. During the cultivation process, I have grown up from an ignorant child to a high school student. I know it is a long and arduous journey to cultivate. Since we are lost in the maze, we should improve ourselves through xinxing cultivation.
I am facing a world full of temptations and I have all kinds of attachments, such as attachment to showing off, dependence on others, jealousy, competitive mentality, resentment, fear, sentient feeling, liking or disliking, etc. All these attachments have been big obstacles on the path of my cultivation. Regarding these years of letting go of my attachments, I want to share with you about my understanding.
Since I was a little child, I could sense my strong attachment to showing off. When I had a small achievement, I was so eager to show people, and I was very happy when people admired me. With the passage of time, this attachment has become even worse. I looked quite humble when people praised me, but inside I was bursting with joy. I was so eager to show people what I have achieved.
I knew how serious it was and I wanted to get rid of it. But I couldn’t let it go and always wanted to show off.
I should send forth righteous thoughts to let go of this attachment, but I only realized it after it happened. Each time I would regret what I had done, and decided to do better next time. I should always be calm and peaceful. Then, when there is a test, I can do well.
In our painting class at school, some paintings were to be selected for a public expo in Long Island, New York. Using watercolor, I painted a self-portrait with two different special colors. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t want to be selected. However, I tried to be calm and didn’t pay much attention. One day, at class, I was not on the list of winners, however, one classmate whose name sounded similar to mine was selected. Seeing her showing off in front of her family members and classmates, I felt disappointed. I knew I should let go of this attachment and sent forth righteous thoughts.
More tests came and touched my heart. Just when I felt relaxed, the teacher told me actually it was my piece that got selected. The way my teacher said my name wasn't clear, and sounded like my classmate's name instead.
When I heard the sudden good news, I was very happy and wanted to show off. When I saw my thoughts, I realized it was time to let go of my attachment of zealotry and showing off. I noticed it was a test that Master had arranged for me. I calmed down and sent forth righteous thoughts. A few minutes later, I felt I had eliminated a malignant tumor that had been growing inside my body and felt my body was so light.
Attachment of dependence as root cause
The ordinary world is a huge dye vat. On my path of cultivation, I have been trying to let go of my attachment. However, the root cause is dependence. Master has said in Towards Consummation, Essentials for Further Advancement II, “It isn’t wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn’t be that way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa, and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven’t gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa.”
Cultivation is serious, and I've gradually begun to understand what it means as I grew up. Previously my attitude towards Dafa was like what Master said in Zhuan Falun, “When an average person hears it, this person will practice it on and off.” When I started to practice Dafa, my father supervised me, whether I went out to validate Fa or clarify the truth, or read experience sharing articles on Minghui, almost everything had been arranged by my father. I just followed his instruction and acted like a wood carver and if there was no supervisor, I would be like a wasted log.
I took it for granted and it seemed that I would give up my Fa study without my father’s supervision. In 2013, my mother and I came to the United States. Because of the attachment to comfort, I slacked off in my Fa study and exercises until my father came to the United States to be with us two years later.
I remember my father called me over the phone when he was still in China; he saw in a dream that big buildings fell down like dominos. When he saw they almost fell down towards me, my father ran towards me asking me to leave. However, I had never realized my attachment of dependence, not only in my Fa study and exercises but also my social life. My attachment had become even worse. For example, I didn’t dare to communicate with strangers, to pay by myself, to do house chores. Everything of mine needed my parents’ help.
I didn’t care for anything in my house and avoided taking care of them. Fortunately, through these years, with the help from fellow practitioners and looking within, I haven’t heard people mention this for a long time.
I have become more independent. Although I am not diligent sometimes in my Fa study and doing exercises, I feel I am improving every day.
If jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit
Master said in Zhuan Falun, “If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit.” I had never realized my jealousy, and even when I noticed it, I would find excuses to cover it up.
In the course of my cultivation, I have noticed my jealousy. At first, I thought jealousy was only limited to my resentment towards people better than me; after I studied the Fa, I realized that it was also a jealousy to look down on others. This has changed my understanding towards jealousy and now knows why I couldn’t find this attachment. It is because I hadn’t spent much time in studying. I feel lucky that I have realized my attachment.
Master said in Zhuan Falun, “During the process of transforming karma, to keep yourself under control—unlike an everyday person who would mess things up—you should always maintain a heart of benevolence and a mind of kindness. If you suddenly bump into a problem, you will be able to take care of it properly.” Master also said in Zhuan Falun, “But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.”
At school, there are pressures and relationships between classmates, which I wanted to dispel. For example, I am not good at English when I am under pressure. I didn’t feel comfortable when others did well on tests. When those who did well in the class, I thought, “I just don’t want to compete against you but I can do better than you.” This is a big attachment but I hadn’t realized it until recently. When I saw the attachment come out, I sent forth righteous thoughts immediately. When I didn’t acknowledge it, I felt I became more peaceful. I am thankful that Master has been strengthening me so that I can improve myself easily.
Attachment to fighting
Attachment to fighting was like a time bomb buried inside my body and I hadn’t realized it. However, when a problem arises, this attachment does come out. I realized the problem was quite serious and it has two types of manifestation. One is not to listen to others’ persuasion. When a problem arises, I would prove I was correct and didn’t accept criticism. Therefore, each time when there was a xinxing test, there was an unhappy result. Although I would see my problem afterwards, I couldn’t control myself and felt that it was unfair and didn’t improve my xinxing. This had lasted quite long. Finally, I had to calm down to look within. Master has said in Zhuan Falun, “You won’t fight back when you’re beaten or sworn at.” Isn’t it a good time to improve my xinxing? When I felt wronged, I wanted to explain; doesn’t it mean I had the attachment to fighting? When I argue, isn’t it to look at things with human notions? No wonder why it was so hard to pass the test. When I realized it, I felt that I had got rid of a heavy burden.
The second type was my attachment to some profits. When we had PE class, there were some competitions. The teacher divided the class into four groups and there were rules already set up before the game started. When our rival seemed to break the rule and I thought we should get points. However, our team members were very polite, which made me very angry. Master said in Expounding on the Fa, Essential on Further Advancement, “Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and have prevented them from doing Fa-rectification.”
I realize I had let Master down. I had been cultivating for over ten years, but even an ordinary person is more benevolent than me. I was very touched and felt that sometimes I was not as good as an ordinary person. I should cultivate more diligently.
During my cultivation, the world is full of temptations, and has affected me dramatically. I realize there are still lots of attachments that I haven’t let go, such as, attachment to beauty, which causes serious problems. I feel lucky that I have a very good cultivation environment that my father supervises me frequently and fellow practitioners compare how we have studied and cultivated.
I have also enlightened that if as a Fa rectification Dafa disciple, we can do three things as Master told us, we can reach consummation. If we slack off, we can’t reach consummation.
I hope I can always stay calm and be merciful, catch up with the Fa rectification progress, save more people, let more people know about the beauty of Falun Dafa, and return to my true home.
Thank you Master, thank you fellow practitioners, for giving me this opportunity to improve myself. Please point out anything inappropriate.
Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/245585