PureInsight | March 3, 2003
[PureInsight.org] Greetings fellow cultivators. Greetings Master Li. Today I will share with you how I obtained Falun Dafa, and a brief summary of my cultivation.
I was raised as a Christian, and from early childhood, I had deep spiritual aspirations. By a twist of fate, at age 22, after graduating with my bachelor's degree, I developed a slew of new friends, who were all psychics, clairvoyants, energy healers and channelers. They introduced me to many psychic phenomena and new age theories. I tried everything they showed me. I experienced so many supernatural phenomena that I looked at the world in an entirely new way. However, what really interested me were eastern cultivations systems for enlightenment. Finally, I was looking for something that would bring me closer to God, which is what I always wanted. After learning such systems existed, I prayed earnestly to have such an opportunity. In the meantime, I read dozens of spiritual books. On Dec. 22, 1996 I had a dream. I walked into a building and came in front of a being wearing a golden robe. A round, silver-grey haze covered his head, so that I was unable to identify him.
He spoke to me, "You will die soon. You will be reborn as an incarnation of mother earth. Therefore, you will be Asian."
I took him literally and I began to mourn. I thought of everybody that I would leave behind. I had strong emotional ties to my family. I thought of my parents. I thought of my husband, whom I had married on Dec. 23, 1995, almost a year ago to the day. I knew I would cause a lot of heartaches if I were to die at age 23, and it seemed more humane for me to have never been born in America.
So I asked with an anguished heart, "Why wasn't I born in Asia to begin with? Why did I form these ties, only to let them go so quickly?"
"Karma," he replied simply.
He then began to describe how my life would proceed in the next incarnation, starting from very early childhood. Because he used this rather chronological outline of my life, albeit omitting exact dates, my conviction that I was going to die and be reborn into another body never wavered. As our conversation was coming to an end, I started to think of India, where I was certain I was going to be born. As soon as I thought of India, he telepathically corrected me, "No, China."
The thought of China truly perplexed me. I had no connection with China, plus I ignorantly thought that China had no true spiritual teachings.
At the end of the dream, as if to comfort me, the being said, "Thomas will die too." Thomas was my husband's name at the time. Later, I realized that the being chose the eve of our first wedding anniversary to break the news that we would no longer be together.
The next day, the spirit guides of my friend, who claimed to embody the energy of angels, told me the dream was a metaphor, and that I would just be learning Chinese things. That explanation made sense, so I completely forgot the dream. Weeks later, however, my husband had an irresistible desire to move. Eventually, we moved, and one month before my difficult school finals, he came to tell me we had to move again. The moment he told me we had to move, a very interesting phenomenon occurred. I suddenly became overjoyed. As I bubbled with happiness, my first thought was, "I am free! Now I can go to China!"
That moment was bizarre, since I had no reason to think or feel that way. I had absolutely no connection to China and never wanted to go there before that moment. Yet, at that moment, that was my strongest wish.
At that moment, I changed gears. Instead of continuing to take classes in the Bay Area preparatory to entering a naturopathic college, I took advantage of my family's offer to move back home to Los Angeles and enter a Chinese medicine program. At that point in life, given my fascination with healing energy, I decided it was better to follow my heart, rather than my initial plan. Also, my parents offered me the stability that I needed to succeed in school, which my husband couldn't give. A few months after moving in with my parents, my husband and I separated. Many events occurred to pull us apart. I started having visions of my future, and I received a strong message from another dimension to get a divorce. I would never have broken our marriage on my own. There were forces beyond my control moving me like a chess piece.
The bottom line was that I was still living in a paradigm of yin and yang reversal, and there was no hope for us to continue down that path. My husband didn't believe in any orthodox Fa, and that made the relationship difficult.
After I immersed myself in traditional Chinese medicine, it wasn't long before I began to appreciate qigong. I still continued to search for a system of enlightenment, and in 1998, at age 25, I felt that I must commit to one system, before I was too old. My only real role model was Jesus Christ, and I knew that he died at age 33, and I wanted to achieve something spiritually before the age of 33. So, after having read about many systems of enlightenment, I wrote a very sincere letter to the best guru from India I could find, asking to become his student. Some of the criteria included giving up a lot of attachments, as well as giving one year's salary to Babaji, the mysterious grand guru who lived in the Himalayas, but who could appear anywhere. I didn't know where to get the money, since I was a poor student, but I knew that I had to do it.
Three weeks later, on August 8, 1998, I was in a serious car accident. It was similar to Master Li's description in Zhuan Falun of practitioners in accidents. I felt no fear at the time, and I was not aware of the impact on my body. Soon after, I was determined to find the best qigong system, because I had to fully heal my body. I knew I needed a system that I could practice for decades to come while I was an acupuncturist. While I learned from one qigong master, I continued my search on the Internet. In November 1998, I read Zhuan Falun from the Internet and saw that Falun Dafa offered both enlightenment and a healthy body.
I found my real master, and things moved very fast. By July 1999, my cultivation went extremely fast. I resolved all my major issues. There were some things I thought I could never solve, which were easily remedied after only a few months' practice. For example, all my life, I was plagued to some degree by malevolent spirits. Sometimes, I was afraid to sleep, because my nightmares would leave me worn out in the morning. I had continuous dreams of huge demons chasing me, always trying to kill me. I always called out for Jesus Christ, but to no avail. These demons were a major nuisance. When I was 14 years old, my best friend was hit by a car and killed. Months before his death, sometimes when we would talk on the phone, his voice would change, becoming very evil. The voice, which seemed to be a possessing spirit, always warned that he would die. All these disturbing phenomena that I lived with all those years stopped after practicing Falun Dafa. The opportunity to send forth righteous thoughts at this time surpasses all my wildest dreams.
During those first eight months of cultivation, my lifestyle and outlook changed completely. Dreams came very frequently to point out my attachments, and they left no room in my mind for any doubts. Hints were abundant. I made changes in just a few months that I truly thought would never have been possible.
I have fully participated in Fa-rectification, but still wish I could do better. One of the biggest challenges I have always had is to meet all the requirements each and every day. How one lives up to the requirements each day is a manifestation of one's ding, one's gong potency and one's xinxing. I can only try harder to cultivate as fast as possible to elevate my xinxing to meet these requirements.
Next, I would like to talk about specific topics in my cultivation.
In my cultivation, I see that one of the basic requirements of Dafa is meeting the standard of being a true cultivator, and to reach one's highest potential while upholding one's responsibilities to sentient beings during Fa-rectification. This difficult task is the heart of my cultivation. Another important requirement of the Fa is being a good person in every aspect of life.
The latter requirement is not difficult to master compared to Fa-rectification, but it still can be a grueling process. For many years before obtaining the Fa, I tried to be a good citizen of the earth and pick careers that would allow me to help mankind to the utmost of my ability in this critical historical period. I spent many years becoming a good writer, so I could raise the public's awareness of the crises facing the world. Later, I changed my career to natural healing. I see that the requirements in this field are very high, and I am allowed no slack, even though I am participating in Fa-rectification activities. This career has turned my life into a juggling act, as I try to meet the highest standards both as a Dafa particle and a healer. I will mention one thing I enlightened to in managing my career. There were times when I wanted have a salaried position because I would have to go further into debt to start my own business. As it was, I had school loans, and I would need to spend additional time for further education. Also, I was engaged in Fa-rectification activities and personal life. And on top of everything, I had the daily grind of Los Angeles' famous long commutes through traffic-jammed freeways. Not to mention that my rising xinxing standard kept imposing more and more responsibilities on me. I realized that if I quit my job, I wouldn't have lived up to the standard of a Fa-rectification disciple who can do what seems impossible. Master Li is giving us the very best of the very best. So, of course, we can accomplish what we are supposed to do.
The other role I have is being a good woman. After separating from my husband, I had to learn a new paradigm of the correct state of yin and yang. Even if a practitioner is separated, he or she still has to meet the requirement of being a good ex-spouse and parent. Otherwise their mastery of the human level would be incomplete. Having material wealth in this dimension doesn't matter in cultivation. What matters is one's heart. Also, I have had to live up to the requirement of being a good daughter, sister and family member. Moreover, having met the requirements of this level, one has to continue to make breakthroughs and further let go of attachments to all of these human things while still conforming to society.
Enlightening as an Energy Being
The energy I feel from Falun Dafa going through and around my body is amazing and miraculous. But what has been the most enlightening is the energy cultivated in my dantian. As I have matured and become more tranquil as a cultivator, so has the energy in my dantian. I will share with you a story about my enlightenment related to my dantian.
I came to Falun Dafa with an injured dantian, as a friend had performed a qigong stunt on my daimai channel, and ever since then I had a tendency to bloat easily. I remember that even before obtaining Dafa, when my compassion and forgiveness grew, I briefly experienced what would become a kind of supernormal ability in my dantian.
When I went to my first Fahui in Feb. 1999, when Master Li spoke, my dantian was immensely warm that weekend, and I had no bloating. But, as days went by, the bloating returned. After careful observation, I realized that as my xinxing improved, the bloating was relieved. I also noticed that with a very bad thought, I became bloated. Over the months, I used the phenomenon of bloating to further purify my heart and mind. I was able to instantly recognize my bad thoughts. I also noted that the intensity of the bloating was directly related to the degree of the bad thought. Over time, the bloating became less and less, until finally I almost never experienced it. Once the bloating was gone, I was completely free of any discomfort in my body, and I was truly healthy. In such a healthy state, I noticed there were other phenomena in my body that would alert me to an incorrect thought. For example, when I thought of something incorrect, a muscle would twitch, or I might feel a cold spot somewhere in my body. Over time, the cold spots lessened, and were felt principally in my dantian. They consistently occurred only with incorrect thoughts. After my xinxing became further elevated, I didn't have the problem of bloating, nor of those strong bodily sensations, like muscle or temperature reactions. Then, something else occurred. Whenever I had an incorrect thought, I would hear a very audible noise, like a knock or crack in the wall or on a surface close to me. I started to see a trend. With very bad thoughts, I would get bloated. Master says the excretory organs can eliminate karma, so I understand this to mean that my thoughts were so bad, that they generated karma—hence the bloating. But, the muscle twitches manifested an incorrect notion, but weren't to the degree as to generate karma, while the audible external noises were helping me to refine my thoughts to a higher degree.
One time, before I fully overcame the bloating stage, I had a dream, in which I experienced a conflict with a friend. I quickly left my friend, as I rushed to my car with some negative emotion. As I approached my car, a homeless man started to rush at me with a gun. My friend appeared and tried to wrestle the gun away, but the homeless man still managed to shoot me right in the lower abdomen. I felt the bullet pierce me as I let out a loud cry. I woke up with the most excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. I knew this was helping me to eliminate those emotions, which were bad, and it also showed me how serious a matter it was.
Over time, I noticed that when I was about to successfully achieve a desired goal, my dantian became warm. When I was about to fail to reach a desired goal, my dantian became cold. My feelings in my dantian are as simple to understand as red and green traffic lights. Over a long time, I have discovered that the sensation is accurate, but of course, it is not something to get attached to, nor rely on. However, I also have had the experience in my job that if I ignore it, I may receive retribution, as my sensitivity is a manifestation of my xinxing level, and one is only allowed to raise to higher levels, but not drop.
Lastly, one of the first things Master Li made me give up when I started Dafa was the I-Ching. As soon as I started cultivating, I had recurring dreams of being unable to throw the three coins. Either too many or too few appeared or their faces had changed so that I was unable to read them. Not only was I very attached to the I-Ching, but also I was very good at it. I finally accepted the dreams and stopped playing, on the basis my attachment to it. Now that I have cultivated myself to this point, I see that Master Li does retain all the good things from one's past, and discards the rest. What I cultivated came from a lot of intense suffering and maturing, as well as abandoning pursuits.
Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts
Finally, I will share a summary of the progress of my sending forth righteous thoughts. One of the first great eye-opening experiences of righteous thoughts I had is when I went to Tiananmen Square in Feb. 2001 and got arrested. My trip to Tiananmen was a pivotal point in my cultivation. My life had come full circle. Before leaving Los Angeles, I tied up every loose end in my life, and every major issue had been put to rest. Under no circumstances would I allow myself to waver in the face of the evil in China. I made peace with everyone in my life, and I calmly walked onto the square and wouldn't look back, come what may. After five minutes of being in the police station and singing Falun Dafa Hao with dozens of Westerners, I started to get choked by an invisible energy. I switched to sending forth righteous thoughts, but with every word I tried to think, the evil choked me so hard, I couldn't even complete a sentence in my head. After some minutes of persisting, it stopped. That was my first experience of getting so strongly attacked by the evil in its den, where they have killed Falun Gong practitioners. For all the hours I was interrogated, I kept my palm erect, sending forth righteous thoughts. I was very serious and didn't let my guard down. Strangely, the head supervisor complimented me that I was doing very well. I saw how righteous thoughts could strongly subdue evil. If Tiananmen was indeed a milestone for my truly giving up life and death, what might come next?
I went to five countries in Eastern Europe in June 2002 when the Communist head went there, as well as to Chicago, Texas and Los Cabos, Mexico, in October when he was in those places. I overcame a lot of interference and I matured a great deal. The supernatural experiences of the powers of good and evil during those trips will forever be etched in my memory. But aside from powerful external interference, I also experienced powerful internal interference.
In "Hurry Up and Tell Them," August 21, 2002, Master said, "As Dafa disciples tell people the facts, It's like sharp swords shooting out together from their mouths…" Master also said in Zhuan Falun, "…if a Buddha wants to have something, eat something, or to play with something, he can do it." Of course, I am not enlightened yet. However, with my increasing gong potency, along with the power of sending forth righteous thoughts comes other power, as well. I spent the last seven months experiencing the material manifestation of stray thoughts and simultaneously trying to rein my thoughts, as though they were wild horses. As we have this power, one's speech and thoughts carry even more weight. "One might not be able to control oneself during sleep. With a single dream, one might turn the heaven and the earth upside down by the next morning, and that is not allowed." (From Zhuan Falun) I don't experience such abilities, but I experience harmless, yet real things to teach me to control my mind.
Master tells us to eliminate stray thoughts. Slowly, I am becoming better at that. Recently, as I sent forth righteous thoughts a lot one day, I had a vision of light going through the cosmos. I felt like my righteous thoughts truly broke through to the whole cosmos. Simultaneously, I felt heat go through my body. Ever since then, when I send forth righteous thoughts, I feel energy course through my whole body. I have much better control over my thoughts now, and I am glad to make progress.
In closing, I can only promise to try to do better and better. I can only say to Master that I am living the most precious dream beyond my imagination. I am still like a child awakening to your benevolence. I have no worthy words of my own to say to you. There is only the Fa to etch in my heart. I will try to continually increase my efforts in Fa-rectification. Thank you.