PureInsight | February 6, 2006
[PureInsight.org] I remember in the song "Be Saved":
We have fallen to this maze
Helpless, lost, can't find the way
Searching thousands of years
One day Master reappears
Be saved, be saved
Please don't miss this chance again
I am an elderly retired teacher. Decades ago, I was lost in the maze of life, engrossed and lost in my work, but today, I am very fortunate to be practicing Falun Dafa (or Falun Gong). How could I spend my time uselessly? Master said: "Cultivation practice is a long process and a process of gradually giving up one's attachments." (From "Upgrading Xinxing" in Lecture Four of Zhuan Falun) Yet I am still overwhelmed with attachments, how can I cultivate? I will look within myself here and define one of my attachments -- fear. It had been lingering in me for a long time.
In November, 2004, The Epoch Times published a series of articles entitled "The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party" (or "The Nine Commentaries" for short.) Although I took a copy of "The Nine Commentaries," I dared not read it. I was always perturbed and was feeling disturbed and hence put it away. I comforted myself and thought that I have been a member of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) for more than twenty years, and I certainly understand what the CCP is about and know its history well. But I also thought that if what was written in "The Nine Commenatries" about the CCP history were different from what I had been taught, what would I do? At that time, I was still a CCP member. Looking at my state then from the perspective of the Fa, I had a wrong understanding because I still wasn't clear about the true nature of the CCP. I was lost in it, and was unable to extract myself from it. Now I realize how stupid and ignorant I was. "The Nine Commenatries" is intended to explain the evil history of the CCP and hold it responsbile for its crimes. In Falun Dafa Essentials for Further Advancement, "For Whom do You Exist?" Master said: "The most difficult things for people to abandon are their notions. Some people cannot change, even if they have to give up their lives for fake principles. Yet notions are themselves acquired postnatally," and "If a person cannot do that, then he is dictated by acquired notions or external thoughts. He might even devote his entire life to struggling for them; but when he gets old, he will not even know what he has been doing in this lifetime." Was not Master referring to me? Through Fa-study and discussions about "The Nine Commentaries," I was deeply inspired. Thereafter I began reading "The Nine Commentaries." After reading it, I was greatly motivated. I thought about how I had raised my right fist and taken a blod oath to dedicate everything I was to the evil and wicked CCP. It is very difficult for me to look back. But things that had happened are still fresh in my mind and haven't dissipated like smoke with the passage of time. How the unprecedented Cultural Revolutions destroyed my entire family rushed back to my memory in vivid detail. I was a victim of the "Cultural Revolution"! I began to wake up to the true nature of the CCP. Finally, at the end of 2004, I quit the evil CCP and began a new life! But it was inevitable that there were still the vestiges of fear. I used an alias to quit the CCP and dared not even use my surname.
As to why I developed fear, it is because I hadn't been studying the Fa diligently. Such cases are plentiful. The "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance" exhibition had been held in Toronto many times. But I never went to view the exhibition even once. I thought it was certain to include graphic and violent images. I was afraid to see such images, and told myself that it was better I didn't' go to view the exhibition. The first time I participated in a Falun Dafa parade, I held a banner high above my head to hide my face, being afraid of being photographed.
Once, when I was in front of the Chinese Embassy to protest the CCP regime's persecution against Falun Gong, as I bowed my head to read, a sedan drove right next to the foot-path in front of where I was sitting. I involuntarily lifted my head at that instant. A man in the car pointed his camera at me and quickly activated the shutter. Then the car drove off in a hurry. I thought to myself, "Now I am in trouble." Subsequently, whenever I went to the Chinese Embassy to take care of personal business, the officials there created difficulties for me. On one occasion, an embassy official held up the form I had filled in, and read out my name and date of birth loudly in front of all the people who were standing in line. She then deliberately neglected to examine my passport according to the usual practice. It appeared that what she did was a warning to me about my participation in Falun Gong activities. At that moment I felt very embarrassed and an indescribable fear swept over me. That was followed by months of pre-recorded telephone calls in English to harass me two or three times a day. They are indeed despicable and loathsome.
At that time, I was still unable to look within myself from the angle of the Fa and I did not realize that I had some omissions in my Fa-study. Because of insufficient righteous thoughts, and not being diligent in my Fa-study, I was not steadfast, and the evil took the opportunity to harass me through those loop-holes. I began to send forth righteous thoughts regularly, and of late, the harassment by telephone is abating.
I know that to cultivate, one must let go of attachments. Master said:
"Cultivation is not difficult
The earthly heart is hard to discard
So many attachments – when to sever them
Everyone knows the sea of suffering has no shore
If the will is not firm
Barriers are like mountains
How to transcend the mortal world."
(From "Severing" in Hong Yin II, provisional translation subject to further improvement)
But I consider myself very lucky. At half past ten o'clock on the morning of May 22, 2005, I was fortunate to be at the Toronto Fa Conference in Toronto. I was seated in the second row and I had the opportunity to see our great and merciful Master closely. I was extremely excited! But I calmed down very rapidly, and listened to Master carefully. When Master spoke about the present progress of Dafa, he said: "…the withdrawals from the CCP are making them tremble with fear," "… the wicked CCP will definitely be cleared away by gods in the Fa-rectification!," "…how big that wicked Communist camp was, when [the gods] wanted it to dissolve, it dissolved in a matter of days." Master also specifically and clearly brought up: "[…] so in this persecution and wicked suppression, many unspeakable tactics have been carried out on the sly." Following that, Master said in a firm and forceful voice: "When the gods want a society to fall into chaos, it will fall into chaos; when the gods want a person to go on a rampage, he will go on a rampage; and when the gods want a society to be stable, it will be stable." I finally understood! What Master said at the Fa Conference was like an illuminating light shining on me, enabling me not to lose my bearings on the path of Fa-rectification. Master's words were like a mirror to allow me to realize the attachment I had toward fear. I told myself that I must discard it, and do well the Three Things that Master requires of us. Through this Fa Conference, I also realized that I previously had had a great fear of the CCP. I also came to understand Fa principles more and realized that once I recognize and confront my fear, the cause of the fear immediately disintegrates
At the end of 2004, I had withdrawn from the CCP. But I didn't withdraw from the Young Pioneers and the Communist Youth League, of which I had also been a member. Recently I declared my withdrawals from all three organizations. I re-read "The Nine Commentaries" and gained more insight into the true nature of the evil CCP. I thought that if Chinese intellectuals dare to speak up for Falun Gong, they will have overcome their great fear of Jiang Zemin's violent machinery, and from then on nothing can block them and they will dare to talk about anything. Hence I wrote four articles to expose the CCP, two articles about my experience and two short dramas. I am very happy that I dare to speak up now! I have finally walked out of the shadow of fear! My dignity and conscience have returned more and more. In the Fa-ending period, every Dafa disciple must have righteous thoughts and actions to do the Three Things diligently, and to complete what we can do to the best of our abilities.
Now I frequently participate in public gatherings and parades to spread Falun Dafa. I make my own posters, carry the banners in my hands; mail "The Nine Commentaries," distribute flyers, collect signatures... I have no more fear, I have finally walked out of the frightful shadow! I also saw on the Internet many images reprsenting the wonderful and magical "Zhen, Shan, Ren" (Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance). They moved me immensely! Hence, to support two Falun Gong practitioners who were facing deportation in Vancouver, I participated in the torture demonstration outside the office of the Minister of Immigration. I wanted to demonstarte the cruel torture to let the public know the facts and to spread the news regarding the continuing persecution of Falun Gong practitioners by the CCP. I will always remember the teaching of Master: "Cultivation practice is a great and magnificent thing." (From "The Fa Rectifies the Human Heart" in Falun Dafa Essentials for Further Advancement.) It is because of the cultivation of Dafa that I am here. I will tread the path of Fa-rectification well!
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2005/11/17/34634.html