Giving Up Fundamental Attachments

[PureInsight.org] [From the Los Angeles Fahui 2006]
I obtained the Fa right before the persecution started in China. When I
first started practicing Falun Gong I was in a very bad place in my
life. I had depression and many health problems although I exercised
regularly. Among other problems I had a very severe case of athlete's
foot, stomach problems, had severe migraine headaches, and was taking
Zoloft for my depression.



Approximately one month after practicing I realized that the bottoms of
my feet, that used to look like a mess, were completely healed. My feet
looked like those of a newborn baby with no black dots on the bottoms
and the skin was soft.



I had tried to give up the Zoloft pills before practicing Falun Dafa
several times, but I got the shakes and, mentally, I felt that the
depression became more intense. It was after reading Zhuan Falun
that I decided to give up the pills again and this time it was easy. I
did not have the shakes, and my depression did not increase. My stomach
felt better, and my migrant headaches lessened both in frequency and
strength.



Giving up fundamental attachments

At first, I felt that things went very fast and I developed a good
understanding of the Fa but, after six or eight months of cultivating,
things started to get more and more difficult. Practicing got harder
and I could not enlighten to my tests. Whether it was in the family or
at the workplace, I just could not live up to Zhen, Shan, Ren. Many tribulations piled up on top of each other and I stopped practicing.



I could not figure out why I was having so much trouble.  So I returned to being an ordinary person.



Little by little I returned to my old habits. Life seemed ordinary. I
stopped growing internally. It was very sad. There was not a day where
I did not think about cultivating Dafa. Just imagine, after having felt
the soothing light of Zhen, Shan, Ren, quitting is like being put back
on the north pole with few clothes to wear - cold and meaningless.
Knowing how precious Dafa is, I started again, trying to read and do
the exercises with a lot of pursuit.



It was very hard. Over the next four years, I went back and forth
approximately four times, hoping that I could cultivate. Every time it
felt like I had giant rubber bands that pulled me back to my starting
point after I had ascended a little.



During this time, whatever attachment I feared the most was exactly
what the evil persecuted me with, and severely. The last time I quit I
had already actually enlightened to my fundamental attachment but my
mind was in such despair that I was not fully clear.



About six months ago, a practitioner started to call me, trying to
convince me to come back to the group. I just told him that I could not
cultivate because I had many disturbances and that it was very hard for
me, but I also felt his compassion. My wife was also talking to me, and
trying to help me. Although I did not start at that very moment, this
made me start thinking about cultivating Dafa again.



This time I did not have so much pursuit, as I knew it did not work in
the past. I started reading the book again and really examine myself,
and found that I had a fundamental attachment to being successful in
life, and in the back of my head this was the reason for my practicing
Falun Gong to start with. Realizing this attachment I immediately felt
different, but this test came up couple of more times. Although I had
enlightened to this clearly, every time I had this test it was hard to
recognize it. This was a big attachment with many layers that needed to
be harmonized. Another part of this test was that I had to believe I
could break though.

    

Starting the path of Fa rectification

Now that my heart had opened, my first thoughts were, "How can I do
well and catch up with the things I have to do?" During the process of
either clarifying the truth or introducing Falun Gong to society I have
realized that the only way for me to do well and catch up with the
process of Fa Rectification is to start by putting others first. My
starting point should always be: How I can help save sentient beings?"
I have realized that if my thoughts are not truly about the well being
of others first then the results will not be favorable. I have also
realized that if I keep a calm and tranquil mind with Compassion in my
heart, then it is easy to see attachments that impede any Fa
Rectification work.

   

Noticing old thinking and removing it   

Once I was calling the ambassadors at the UN to let them know that the
CCP concert they were invited to was propaganda trying to give CCP a
new shell in the name of culture. The first five offices I called, I
was met with resistance. Two to three people even hung up on me. The
next day, a practitioner wrote to me and said that another practitioner
did not have time to do his portion and wanted me to call the offices
instead.

   

When I was at work the next morning I knew that these calls were
important but, for some reason, I just could not bring myself to make
the calls. I did realize that fear was taking hold, but did not why. I
had a good Fa Study the night before and quickly realized that I had a
thought in the back of my head that said that I was getting involved in
other peoples stuff (since this was not directly related to Dafa work).
As soon as I realized this attachment, immediately I had the courage to
make the calls and, all except one country that I did not have the
correct number to, everyone was happy to receive the information.
Later, we heard that this concert was canceled because the promoters
could not get visas to come to the US.

   

Sending forth righteous thoughts   

I had not kept up with SFRT so I needed it to refresh my memory about it. Looking on the Clearwisdom
website I realized that there was a link called "The Essentials to
Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts." Through reading this and
enlightening to the fact that I should start SFRT starting from my true
spirit, I have improved greatly. My mind is clear and the interference
is a lot less.

 



Last but not least, I want to thank our Compassionate Teacher for
giving me so many chances to cultivate. Even after making so many
mistakes and, in some instances, really performing very poorly, Teacher
still did not give up on me.