Awaiting a Shower of Flowers

A Russian Practitioner

PureInsight | August 1, 2010

[] Master said in “Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference”:

“When I teach the Fa infrequently though, what worries me most is not the hardships or ordeals you face, which you know to be plenty hard. They are not the hardest thing; after all, however trying hardship may be, it's over after you get through it, and at that point things are clear to you. Rather, to quietly cultivate in bleak loneliness, unable to see hope, is the hardest of all. Doing any form of cultivation entails undergoing a trial such as this and a path with such features. Only if one can persevere and continually forge ahead does it amount to true diligence. It's easy to talk about, but putting it into action is tremendously difficult. That is why it's said that always cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank.”

Each of my days starts with sending forth righteous thoughts (SFRT), then the sitting meditation, then working on truth-clarification projects, then SFRT every three hours, then the standing exercises, then studying the Fa, then listening to the lectures, then studying some more... and work in the evening. Day in and day out, cultivation, cultivation.

The cultivation part is not that hard. What is hard is the unendurable loneliness. Actually, even the loneliness part is not the hardest. I enjoy solitude. What is hardest is the continuous sense of separation from the Divine. How can words explain it? While eating, walking, working, and even practicing or studying, there is this sense of separation, a longing, a turmoil in the soul.

Yesterday, a fellow practitioner shared with me about the challenges on her path. I shared with her about mine. She asked, “But I always thought you liked being alone; I thought you preferred it that way.” What can I say? It is not that I like being alone or don't like being alone; it is just that no one out there can quench that thirst. I believe people everywhere are just as lonely, only some are more aware of it than others. How can one lonely soul comfort another? When I am with other people, for a little while I forget myself, forget about the longing; it is a kind of intoxication, like you just drink some wine and you forget about the pain, but upon waking in the morning, it is still there.

I sat in a field today, meditated and then listened to the Fa. In such an open field, the stars are above, the air is warm, but the soul... What can comfort my soul?

How many years of waiting; how many lifetimes of waiting? This is the last one, the final leg of my journey. I just have to be very patient, very patient. Just keep on walking, just do what I have to do.

When will the shower of flowers fall? One day the flowers will shower.

This is just my personal feeling and understanding to share. Please point out anything that is not on Fa.


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