PureInsight | November 12, 2012
[PureInsight.org] I am a young Dafa disciple and I obtained the Fa when I was five years old. I recently graduated from college—the completion of over ten years of schooling. Although I’m a student the xinxing requirements are the same for me. Cultivation must be done solidly. I thank Master, for it was with Master’s blessing that I was able to walk the path to this day. Normally when I enlightened to anything I immediately made note of it, but never turned it into an article. Now I am compiling these experiences to share with fellow practitioners for mutual benefit.
The Attitude Towards Study
After the persecution began in 1999, I gave up Dafa for a period of time. This lasted until 2004, when I was in middle school and my grades were suffering. My grandmother gave me Zhuan Falun to read, saying that Dafa could unlock my wisdom. Taking it and reading it this time, I could not put it down. I realized deeply that Dafa was wonderful, and not just a means of developing wisdom but for cultivation practice. I made the decision to enter Dafa anew.
As a student, the biggest problem I faced was that of how to balance cultivation with study. Ever since I was small I have been a hardworking student and took studying to be my focus, because I was taught that I simply had to study well to get into a good university and find a good job. In this way I would be able to reciprocate the favor my parents had done in raising me, and gain the praise of those around me. This kind of thinking is normal when viewed by the average person, because this is the purpose of their studying. However as a cultivator one should not view the issue in this way.
Sometimes I was very frustrated that I could not get better grades, despite my hard work and knowing that everything has its arrangement. My family did not understand my cultivation, and even claimed that my practice of Dafa detracted from my studies. The situation did not change for a long time.
Through studying the Fa, I slowly recognized my deviated notions. Indeed, Master has arranged the best path for us, but on the condition that we are cultivators. When looking at myself, that “hard work” of mine was done in hopes of gaining recognition from others, a good reputation, and to not lose face. My logic for hiding those attachments was that when others saw me as capable they would see that Dafa is good, and believe that Dafa disciples are good and have abilities, and only then would it be validating the Fa. Isn’t that putting the cart before the horse?
Before, when I watched a Shen Yun performance, I only paid attention to the Dafa disciple’s high level of beautiful, awe-inspiring skill. Is it merely skill? It is possible for ordinary people to attain a high level of skill, but the Shen Yun dancers possess a purity of soul unseen, and impossible to find in ordinary people’s performances. Because of this, Shen Yun has been able to move the hearts of audiences worldwide. The reason people can change so much after watching Shen Yun is because of the diligence that goes into it, it is truly a show befitting of Dafa.
It follows that in work and study we should be like the Shen Yun performers. People actually don’t care about our abilities when saying that Dafa is good or that Dafa disciples are good—in instead they are looking at our compassionate demeanor towards them. Only when we let go of the show off mentality or the attachment to reputation, and completely follow Dafa’s requirements in doing our work, will people recognize Dafa and Dafa disciples as good.
Everything that happens among humans is caused by predestined relationship. Good grades, hard work, and reputation aren’t necessarily related. What matters is whether or not one has the requisite virtue and fortune. Where does the fortune of Dafa disciples come from? Dafa provides everything as long as we cultivate well; everything arranged by Master for his disciples is the very best.
Going Abroad, to Graduate School, or to Work
Nearing my senior year of college nothing bothered me as much as how I was to get through the last stretch. Would it be better to apply for graduate school, go abroad, or find work? These three major choices circled about in my head, and the process of overcoming this xinxing test was a very grueling one.
I spent half a year preparing for grad school, reading book after book from dawn to dusk. I feared losing even the smallest amount of time for my studies. I saw getting into graduate school as my only option after graduation, as if my life depended on it. Ultimately I failed by just a few points. Afterwards I decided to go abroad, and spent two months working like a madman to prepare for the English exam, and again fell short by a few points. In this process, I constantly looked towards Dafa to shed light on my attachments.
In a conversation with a friend of mine, she said that I had no focus and didn’t know what I wanted to achieve. This was also Master using her mouth to remind me not to be engrossed in the “future” that ordinary people are concerned with. I have to remember the vow that I made when first coming here and be sure that my aim is clear.
I thought about my motivation for applying to graduate school over and over again. For me, graduate school was but a safe haven with a nice sounding status. Frankly, I wasn’t really concerned about getting a degree, but rather, avoiding having to enter society and deal with marriage and family. I felt miserable during the time I was preparing for the exams; no matter how I tried I couldn’t study well. But really, what was it that was truly hindering me? It was that my heart was not right. I feared that by not studying well I would incur my parents lecturing, that I would not be able to get into a good school, that my confidence would suffer, etc. On the surface I seemed to really want to study well, however, for what was I studying? At the bottom of it all, wasn’t I just studying for the sake of those deviated elements? Master wants my main consciousness to develop energy, so my “working hard” in this way wasn’t really helping my main consciousness develop energy; on the contrary, it was “working hard” for those deviated mentalities!
Around this year’s New Year, my family aimed all their criticisms at me, ordering me to give up Dafa, appealing to all sorts of things such as parental emotion, love, practicality, the threat of reputation, and all those things that ordinary people can’t let go of. I bitterly held fast, not agreeing to a single one of their demands. In the end they got to the subject of the path I chose, to go abroad, saying that outside China there was no threat of persecution so they would not have to worry too much about my personal safety. This moved me, and I unwittingly went along with the old forces arrangement. I started to look into and busy myself with plants to leave the country. I went to the Public Security Bureau to get a passport, and set out to prepare to take the IELTS (International English Language Testing System) exam, resulting in my neglecting a great deal of the Fa-validation work that I should have been doing. I analyzed myself deeply. Why was it that, despite superficially knowing that validating the Fa within the country or abroad was the same and that self-cultivation was the key point, I actually yearned in my heart for the overseas environment as well as to work on the projects done by overseas Dafa disciples? I felt that I absolutely had to get in contact with them and clarify the truth there. When truly calming down and observing my heart, was I honestly trying to validate the Fa, or using the overseas environment as a crutch to help change myself? Deep inside I had always thought that the environment overseas would be more relaxed than here, and possibly better for validating the Fa. Because of the tense environment of persecution in China, there is always great pressure either from oneself or from one’s family. Moreover, practitioners around me experienced their own hardships and too thought that the overseas setting was better. In fact, from studying the Fa and reading overseas practitioners’ experience sharing, I realized that it does not matter where one validates the Fa. In every environment one will encounter pressure from tests all the same. In cultivating one’s heart not even the smallest corner can be cut.
Having enlightened to this, I understood that it was not where I would be in the future that was critical to validating the Fa. Rather, how was I going to treasure the time I had in the present, listen to Master’s words, cultivate my heart, and save more people?
I remember that during the eighth Mainland China Fa conference there was an article talking about how a fellow practitioner validated the Fa while in the process of looking for work. Having read it, I was deeply moved. In fact, how much work does one encounter in life that happens to coincide with one’s personal likes? In lifetime after lifetime, we are all acting the roles that we vowed to play. Our work and life path are all predicated and arranged by the factors that went into the creation of the Three Realms, a starting point for Fa-rectification. Nearing the last act of this great historical play, Dafa disciples have become the central figures helping Master rectify the Fa. Under his guidance, we walk the path Master arranged for us, opening up the future. What work we do in particular, or where we do it, is all newly arranged, and its manifestation conforms to the requirements of Fa-rectification. In giving up our selfish attachments, we can avoid walking the path arranged by the old forces.
I have stopped imagining how my future path will be; in my heart I value the time that comes with every day, with which I cultivate myself in a concrete fashion. I will do the Fa-validation work that needs to be done. Letting go of my attachments, I felt the surrounding environment change considerably. Looking back at the process it is truly as Master said, “As you get rid of human mentality, evil is naturally defeated” (“Don’t be Sad,” Hong Yin Vol. II, Translation Version B).
In making plans for what work to do I didn’t place much weight on the major that I studied. I like editing and reporting, but frankly that’s only an attachment to my imagined ability. When I decided to validate the Fa through writing, the ability was bestowed upon me by Master; however in my mind I incorrectly thought that I could make a living from it and that this would amount to stealing from the Fa. In this way I neglected to consider my major. Wasn’t this being distrustful of Master’s arrangement?
In “Be More Diligent,” Master said, “When you call into question the main coordinator, you are actually calling that project itself into question. How so? Let’s use NTDTV as an example. You know who the overall coordinator of NTDTV is. Suppose that people say NTDTV’s overall coordinator has problems, you have doubts about him, or you say how inadequate he is, and then you replace him. I’ll tell you, were that to happen, everything that NTDTV had done from the time of its inception up through today would be wiped out, and everything done by the people involved in that project to validate the Fa and save sentient beings would be in vain. It would be gone. The project wouldn’t exist, and none of the mighty virtue that you established or the things that you did would count. It’s that serious.”
After reading to this point I suddenly realized that I should not discount all the preparatory work I had done simply on the basis of my preference. During those four years of study, I spent a great amount of time learning my major subject, and indeed acquired some results. Why was it that I stuck fast to that single “I don’t like it” line and negated all my previous efforts?
People shouldn’t be selective with study or work just based on what they like. Also, gods will not grant you work arrangements based on your likes. Peoples’ likes have become their attachments and their suffering.
Before I set myself to head in a certain direction, I encountered a different sort of tribulation. My mother sought out a fortune teller to have my fortune told. When she came back she told me that the fortune teller got some aspects of my personality correct, and had also commented on my career. She said I was to become an official, and that I would work in a government department, etc. On the one hand I said I didn’t believe it, but deep down I had an attachment to it. Around me it was as though the personnel and civil servant recruiters’ soliciting had increased. I even looked up a lot of information on the matter. Master has already made it quite clear that the paths of Dafa disciples have been arranged by him, something that nobody can see. Why should I believe something spoken at a low level? When I became clear on this point, the interference was gone.
I submitted a resume to a firm compatible with my major and without incident, passed the interview. The hours were quite flexible, the pay was decent, and it was close to home, giving me more time and energy to do work on validating the Fa.
Being Honest is an Expression of Giving up Jealousy
At the time of finding this job, I still had not yet graduated, and my classmates were also looking for work. One day, classmate A was talking about classmate B in front of me. A and B also worked at the same company. A found B to be very sly, and at work there were many conflicts between the two. A found this intolerable and wanted to quit the job, and asked me if the company I worked for was still hiring.
At that moment I felt quite awkward, stirred by a surge of thoughts in my mind. When I knew A had already begun work and was about to sign her contract, I often told her about how great my company was, but when I was with classmates who had not yet found work, I would say the opposite, talking about how bad my company was and so on. It was indeed a concrete manifestation of jealousy. A was far stronger than me in terms of ability, and had more work experience. My human heart was greatly irritated by the idea of introducing her to the company, in case I would be outdone by her and laid off.
The conflicts encountered in dealing with personal benefit are quite pointed. Silently reading the Fa, I calmed my heart and realized how to handle the situation correctly. In fact, in what way did my behavior then differ from that of classmate B’s slyness? It was the expression of jealousy, a fear that others would steal away my earnings. Regarding the issue of loss and gain, Master already explained it very clearly. Everything in life is preordained; only with good fortune does one attain benefits. Everything is pegged to one’s virtue. I am a cultivator and must give up this heart of jealously. When others benefit, I must not be jealous; when others suffer, I must not look down upon them.
Why is it that my parents always taught me that this world is complicated? Once, an older boy laughed at my innocence while praising someone else’s cleverness, leaving me ashamed and embarrassed. I suddenly remembered Master’s Fa principle that when Dafa is being taught, phony qigong classes will be held as well. In fact I did not have to be affected like that. Indeed, these sorts of remarks are there just to test how much I really believe in Dafa, and the principle that mind and matter are one. When people take that which is bad to be good, and at the time when others’ remarks all follow that direction, will I still persevere in Dafa, and hold myself to the righteous principles?
Appearances follow the mind. When my attachment to cautiousness was very strong, I felt as though my environment was hindering me. But as I became more relaxed and honest, everything changed.
I recollected that one time classmate A selflessly introduced me to a job offer, and gave me a lot of tips. Additionally, various colleagues at work earnestly gave me help, and didn’t ignore me despite my being an inexperienced college student. I am a cultivator, how can I not measure up to even an everyday person? I became more bighearted and was honest with A, telling her what I knew about the interview. Moreover, I sincerely hoped for her success in finding good work.
In the end there was a dramatic turnaround. Classmate A said that her company urged her to stay. On the other hand, classmate B was fired. I deeply felt the power of a cultivator’s looking inward.
Doing Away with Irritable Thoughts Through Cultivation
For many days I was often unsettled because my work involved waiting on different agendas each day. I always considered myself inexperienced and had a habit of always preparing materials in advance. However the company only gave notice at the last minute, leaving me in a state of constant anxiety. Every half hour I would check my mail for fear of missing some important announcement. Every time I opened the mailbox to see if there was anything new, I would get a little more fidgety. Actually, why should I feel fidgety? It seems that this just revealed one of my problems.
I remembered that in college, I also experienced this anxious feeling when checking my grades, and in the end the grades would turn out to be really disappointing. On the other hand, if I faced a contest or test without any expectations, the results ended up being unexpectedly good.
Thinking back to when I was in contact with classmates, the thing that made me most uneasy was making appointments and waiting. I don’t break deals, but it really annoys me when others do. If things don’t go my way, I become angry. In fact behind this “integrity” lay an attachment to being irritable and not wanting to wait, and had nothing to do with sincerely caring about honoring an agreement.
I asked myself, would a god be as restless as I was? Certainly not. Masked behind this feeling of irritation was a propensity to look down on others, as well as a lack of self-confidence. Simultaneously it revealed an acute attachment to personal benefit. I was afraid of losing face and getting the short end of the stick.
If my attitude is very stable and I believe in Master and the Fa and if I am clear on the principle that I will not lose what is mine and that I cannot gain what isn’t mine, what do I have to be irritated about? Moreover, this irritable mindset interferes with doing work to validate the Fa.
For a time I was responsible for buying e-book readers for fellow practitioners. They said that the models I had bought them before were very good, but the newer examples were low quality. This made me feel quite embarrassed. I reflected on this; why was the quality bad? Were my thoughts righteous? I thought that this is what the coordinators had planned and I just needed to prioritize price and volume. My mentality was wrong, so of course the quality would be bad! My fellow practitioners said there were problems with the readers, that repairs were needed, and that they wanted new ones, all of which I found to be nagging; after all, it would be better if I could buy everything at once, but the worst thing was that once I bought one I had to go back and buy another. I was really impatient. The same problem arose with teaching people how to use the technology. After getting all the way to their homes on a hot day, those fellow practitioners just couldn’t figure it out. They would click the mouse in all places except the right one and were unable to open encoded files. I really wanted to have them learn in one go so I wouldn’t have to take the trouble to come back again.
When Master was spreading the Fa, no matter how low level the questions were that the students asked, Master always answered them patiently, without any complaint. When dealing with practitioners making mistakes, Master saw the nature of the situation and maintained an air of compromise towards them. Under the influence of this manner of Master’s speech and actions, why would I not enlighten to it?
Once I met practitioner A, who said that the sitting meditation and the fifth exercise were two different things. Practitioner B then became worried, saying that she had told A many times that this thinking was going astray but she wouldn’t listen. B then said that she didn’t really care if A listened or not, that her leg hurting was her own problem, and that if you didn’t sit right your leg would hurt. Then, there was practitioner C who was often muddle-headed. Practitioner D would complain, “I’ve said it so many times, it’s like she has no ears. Well, I don’t care if she listens, if she wants to be confused let her be confused.” I felt very sad upon hearing this. But maybe I am also like this when dealing with others? When I encounter problems I’m impatient and always half-hearted. If I can’t help fellow practitioners with a peaceful heart; it’s like pushing them downhill.
Giving Up the Attachment of Lust Through Cultivation
In past years, that which perplexed me the most and hindered me for the longest time was the attachment to lust. It seriously interfered in my doing Fa-validation work and almost ruined me.
At the time that I graduated from high school, there was a male classmate who favored me. Even though I rejected him, I enjoyed the feeling. At the same time, I was even secretly infatuated with my cousin. Once I spent a week at his home and followed him all day long.
This lust of mine was particularly severe, and I incurred some persecution because of it. One time when I was passing out truth-clarification poems that I had hand copied, some people who didn’t understand the truth illegally framed me and I was detained by the Public Security Bureau. Although I was able to return home that day, my e-book reader was confiscated and my fingerprints and photograph were forcibly taken. Moreover, I was coerced to write a pledge [not to practice Falun Gong], which is a stain on my cultivation path. The worst of it was that immediately upon returning home I was met with a brainwashing center representative, with all my family berating me, telling me to give up on cultivation. The most embarrassing part was my mother’s hysterical behavior that day, as though she were possessed by something. She cursed Master with very insulting language. Every word had to do with lust, and I realized that I had to jettison this attachment and not allow her to sully Dafa like this.
After I got back from the Public Security Bureau, in her rage my mother forced me to give up all my Dafa books and materials. I only had a handwritten copy of Hong Yin and a handwritten passage from “Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles” left, which read: “Dafa disciples, all the way until their last step to Consummation, will be tested as to whether they can make it. There could be very, very critical tests for you all the way until you are just one step away from finishing. That is because every step becomes more and more critical to your cultivation and your tests, especially toward the end. You know, those lawless gods of the old cosmos will try to maneuver things until the very end, as long as they are still around. When you are not up to par, they will surely try to find a way to bring you down. They know that Li Hongzhi won’t abandon you, so they will use all kinds of methods to make you fall. Having just one single thought be off will make a person falter. So the closer it is to the end, the more serious and crucial the tests will be.”
At that time, I felt extraordinarily massive pressure. All my books were gone, but I held this passage from the Fa tightly in my palm, reading it repeatedly. It was like a light in the darkness saying that Master had not abandoned me. I didn’t shed a single tear. No matter what kind of grievance they spouted before me, I stood my ground. I didn’t promise a single word. In not giving in, the worst seemed to be over. However, not long ago one thing happened and it shook me to the core in making me give up the attachment to lust.
One day I had a dream in which I was lying in a man’s lap, flirting with him very nicely. After that my grandparents (who were practitioners) came. I pretended to be fainting so as to not let them know my mistake. My grandfather immediately told me to call for Master. Even so, my thoughts were not righteous and I only barely managed to call for him. Suddenly everything changed, and that tall, handsome man became a stout dwarf, which I found incomparably sickening. How could I do such a thing? After this it rained and rained. I tried to go back to my dorm, but instead wandered to the professors’ lounge. My grandfather having me call for Master became etched into my heart. Though it was not due to my righteous thoughts that I called for him, Master still looked after me. This dream was a true manifestation of my facing the attachment of lust over the previous few months.
When I was college, I had a boyfriend, but we had always kept our relationship modest. I thought that if it went well, we could get married later, but our backgrounds did not suit each other and my family did not quite approve. Then, my mother introduced a boy to me, who, having been taken by my parents as an adopted son, was invited to our home. From the very beginning, I did not object to this, silently accepting his coming over. I thought I would clarify the truth to him. From the onset this adopted son said that I was a very nice girl, very traditional, and kind. This moved me right away, as I liked his praise. Then I began to clarify the truth to him, which he listened to, and even approved. But when we got to the topic of the Three Withdrawals, he began to disagree. While praising me, he pulled my hand and became more intimate, etc, to which I did not resist. I thought that as long as he could understand the truth it was fine. In fact, I was letting my attachment to lust get stronger and I was badly attached to making him withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party. Unwittingly I went along with his coercion. I hadn’t even broken up with my boyfriend yet, making my behavior especially vile.
In fact Master had long ago taught the Fa regarding this issue. It was a serious fault of mine. There were more tribulations, as this adopted son reported to my parents everything I had told him related to truth clarification. My parents, who are mistaken about the truth and oppose my cultivation, once again subjected me to many days of “brainwashing”; the whole household was turned upside down in chaos.
I continuously studied the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts, acknowledging my mistakes before Master. With all my strength I rejected this lust. I also recognized that dabbling in romance during my college years wasn’t actually in hopes of complying with ordinary human society by creating a family to produce children. Instead it was to satisfy my attachment to lust and fulfill my human feelings. I was afraid of being alone. In truth, I don’t really place a focus on whether or not I have a male or female friend; as long as there is someone to be with I am happy. Thinking about my mission, where is there any room for such feelings of being lonely or not lonely? Dafa disciples are the hope of the world’s sentient beings; we need to make use of our time to do what we must do well. How can we still have the attitude of considering such dirty things? After about a month’s time, both guys pretty much lost interest in me and began to mind their own business. As a result I naturally found my way out of those incorrect relationships.
Later, in a dream I saw a handsome male practitioner come to my side, which made me feel good. However I knew clearly that I couldn’t be like that. There were some everyday people going by and I was able to remind myself, and at that point Master dripped some blue cleansing liquid on my clothing, which wiped off the stains from before. I saw the blue color fade and the stain disappear, and my heart was full of gratitude. I awoke from the dream, but the experience was very real. Master can do anything for us, he can even help us remove such stains. But whether or not I’m worthy of Master’s effort depends on whether or not I have the conviction to discard those attachments. I know that cultivation is immeasurably imperative.
Afterward, in the process of experiencing and studying the Fa, I also realized that all those male-female relationships where one cannot be sure of marriage are not righteous ones, and that there really isn’t a way to be just friends. What gods recognize are the relations between husband and wife, and not the deviated romantic relationships that exist for the sake of emotions.
In the course of cultivation, these mentalities will reappear. For example I ask myself whether I truly no longer have an attachment to lust. If I didn’t have this heart, would I not be interested in the Bagua readings of my classmates? I also would not comment about others on a whim.
For a period of time, my mom and dad said I had bad breath. I believe this was caused by my not cultivating my speech. Whenever I pick up the telephone I just can’t put it down. When chatting with others, I seem to be able to talk a great deal; it’s a show off mentality and indicates a fondness for gossip, making fun of others, and pointing out their shortcomings. All of those words are not in line with the Fa. At these times I am spitting out toads, not lotus flowers. How can toads not smell terrible? Why am I so attached to all this?
I thought about how from a young age I always liked stories, especially novels, serialized dramas, and the like. It was just like an everyday person who is fond of following the state of affairs. Master’s recent Fa-teaching taught us about the composition of the universe. I enlightened to a principle that Master warns us not to sink ourselves into the affairs of everyday people’s conflicts and that we should be carefree regarding them. I realized that in the great multitude of a thousand worlds there are all kinds of strange things; the matters between people are only these few things. What is there worth discussing? He’s good, he’s bad, he does things right, he made a mistake—aren’t these all a result of past karma? People’s morals have become corrupted and anything can happen. When I am among people discussing human problems, isn’t it just seeking to experience something colossal in a microscopic realm? In the vast space of the universe this world is nothing more than a speck of dust.
The above are a few experiences of mine from recent years; should there be anything out of place, may fellow practitioners be sure to point them out, thank you.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/112311