PureInsight | January 30, 2015
Finding Falun Dafa
Master has given me hints to write a sharing paper for 10 years, and I've never thought I had anything to share with the global one body. This morning, Christmas morning, I just sat down and began to write with no doubt or worry, just knowing it was the correct thing to do. I have been practicing for 11 years now.
When I first started practicing Falun Dafa I knew I had found the practice I had been looking for in my entire life.
As a child I was raised in an extremely abusive family, though they maintained a facade for the world. They abused me and a lot of other people. Living with them was like being in a concentration camp.
I knew I had to find a practice, I had seen it as a child, and this practice would cultivate even my body. As I looked around at the choices I had in front of me, I knew I had to be honest, compassionate, nonjudgmental of others and genuinely forgiving. All my life I have known that nature is a temple for me. I therefore found peacefulness in the silence while I was in the deep forests beside the water courses in the wilderness. This was my 'safe' place as a child. This is where the connection with heaven was most evident in my life
I searched for years practicing and studying many practices, such as mystical Judaism and mystical Christianity, reading Lao Zi and Daoist practices, also Buddhist Sutras.
I read about the life of Milarepa and Siddartha. All the time the longing was still there, but each time I studied I knew it was not the limitless practice I had looked for all my life. Unfortunately, I was also involved in some Zhouyi practices and the results were horrible. The evil was rampant in them, even though some people did not want to be evil.
I did the best I could to be compassionate, truthful, tolerant and forgiving during the years I looked. I had instead developed anger, but I worked to control it continually.
I was suffering very badly after leaving the Zhouyi practices and the old forces (I knew them as only very evil then) were trying to kill me...every moment of everyday.
There were times I did not sleep for 4 months, and every moment was filled with horror. Each day for 3 years I went on the computer looking for the practice I knew would transform karma and bring me to my genuine Master. During that time a being I now know was Master took me into a very high dimension and I watched as the evil built their mechanisms and things against Falun Dafa for thousands and thousands of years. It was appalling, yet standing with Master I felt safe and protected.
Master tried to reach me in many ways. I wanted to see an acupuncturist in town, but I knew they had to be Chinese and excellent. I found one and he could barely speak English but I went anyway. The session was intense and he spoke to me telling me I was a gentle being. I had been at war for so long I did not believe him, but could perceive his good heart. He gave me a Falun Dafa Qigong flyer. The word qigong meant doing something for healing and fitness, and so I ignored the flyer. I was looking for a cultivation practice.
While looking on the computer I found an article, not on Clearwisdom or Pureinsight but written by a Chinese practitioner on what seemed to be his personal site. The article was so lovely, he wrote about his experiences, how Master and Falun Dafa had saved him. He also said reciting the words “Falun Dafa is good” in your heart and being genuine with it can save you. There was so much truth in his article and I stayed up all night reciting “Falun Dafa is Good”. The next morning it seemed as though nothing had changed so I stopped.
About 4 to 6 months later, I was still looking for a practice on the computer. As I sat down to use the computer I blacked out and my son said it lasted for about 3 seconds. When I became conscious I was on the Falun Dafa website. I looked it over and began to read the book.
I knew this practice was what I had been looking for, and contacted the local coordinator to learn the exercises. I couldn't go to the site until Saturday. I decided to try to learn from the video. I had my son read the instructions to me. As he began, about 4 words into the instructions, Master's Gong filled the apartment. It was pure white, refined, peaceful and still. The entire apartment was filled. My son started to fall asleep at the computer; I was filled with tears of relief that I had finally found the right path. The gong filled the apartment for 15 to 20 minutes. Master had made sure I knew it was right.
My Understanding of Forbearance
During the first reading of Zhuan Falun I knew this book was a ladder to the heavens. Once the book actually spoke to me, before I got to the part about not writing in it (I did not write in it, but I had that habit) in a very young voice it said "Don't make marks in me or write in me."
I enlightened to the differences (at my level) between Tolerance and Forbearance immediately. Especially after I read in Zhuan Falun Master's words:
"In practicing Zhen-Shan-Ren, the Tao School emphasizes the cultivation of Zhen. Therefore, the Tao School believes in the cultivation of Zhen to nurture one’s nature; one should tell the truth, do things truthfully, become a truthful person, return to the original, true self, and in the end, become a true person through cultivation. Nevertheless, it also includes Ren and Shan, but with an emphasis on the cultivation of Zhen. The Buddha School emphasizes cultivating Shan of Zhen-Shan-Ren. Because the cultivation of Shan can generate great, benevolent compassion, and when compassion develops one will find all beings suffering, the Buddha School thus develops an aspiration to offer salvation to all beings. It also has Zhen and Ren, but with an emphasis on the cultivation of Shan. Our Falun Dafa is based upon the highest standard of the universe, Zhen, Shan, and Ren, all of which we cultivate simultaneously. The system that we cultivate is enormous."
And this too in Zhuan Falun: “If you can tolerate it and yet it preys on your mind, it is still not good enough.”
The difference I enlightened to is that Tolerance is only a first step in Forbearance. I can restrain myself continually, but if it bothers me it's not good enough. To move into deeper 'Ren' I have to honestly forgive and eliminate any emotion, habit, substance, concept, or belief about the person and/or situation to really accomplish true Forbearance I have to also have deep Compassion.
Forbearance also includes myself, I can actually 'persecute' myself with ongoing blame and anger turned inward. So Forgiveness has to be extended to me by myself as well. I was worried about that enlightenment at first and so I reflected for a long time and asked for Master's help in showing me a righteous understanding at my level.
When Forgiveness came Compassion deepened and I was able to not judge beings badly, and able to save them more effectively. My heart and mind were clearer.
Master, through a series of hints, helped me enlighten to how selfish the emotions of regret, anger and blame are even when they are aimed at my own self. They only work to spur on cultivation at the lower levels and are a 'sticky' substance that holds one back. When Forgiveness came for all beings including myself I was able to move from blame and harshness to reflection and analysis much better.
In the English language, Tolerance does not include forgiveness but Forbearance does. I did look up 'Ren' and the Chinese definitions, I found 'to endure and restrain oneself'. Please let me know if there are other definitions which include Forgiveness.
I still need to become more diligent and continue to save more sentient beings.
Please point out any attachments to me.
Heshi to Master