Getting Rid of Fear and Save Sentient Beings
Greetings fellow practitioners,
I am from Turkey. I am 48 years old.
This year in Istanbul, Turkey, we held the third of Middle East Fa Conference on the 18th September 2016. Actually I was not thinking of writing an experience sharing article but the coordinator responsible for the papers told us that writing a paper is the responsibility of every practitioner. So I decided to write one. But I had no idea what to write about.
One day after FZN I started crying as I remembered the day I first started cultivating. Also, to my surprise I realized the date of the Middle East Fa conference, 18 of September, was the day I had started cultivating in 2007. Exactly 9 years ago I had obtained the Fa. I certainly understood that I had to write and went back over my past and remembered how I overcame my fear after I obtained the Fa.
I had a very tough childhood. When I was about 5 years old, there was a person whom I will call Person A, who lived with us in the same house, and treated me very badly. My mother, however, had been turning a blind eye to it. A few years later, this person left but I was deeply affected by the mistreatment of this person and was always terrified whenever I saw the person. My heart would beat very fast. I was so young and could not tell my mother as I did not want to upset her. I learnt to keep everything inside. From time to time over many years I cried myself to sleep. I often asked myself how come a person could be this terrible but there was no answer. The most difficult of all was that my mother always loved this person very much and was always protective and tolerant. I really found this situation very difficult but I did not say a word about it to anyone for many years. Bitterness followed me until I obtained the Fa on September 18, 2007. On this day everything turned around and I understood. It was like a miracle. All that confusion I had for so many years had been erased by obtaining the Fa. I was 39 and it was if I had woken up from a sleep. I studied the Fa non-stop. I was amazed. Everything became clear to me. All of a sudden, all the questions that I wanted to know about life had been answered. I felt as if I was born again. At the same time it was also very hard as everything came to the surface. It was really painful to face all the realities that I had suppressed. But all of a sudden I knew why I had suffered at the hands of this person when I was young.
I was paying back. May be I caused more suffering for this person in a previous life.
Shifu said in Zhuan Falun, Lecture 4, "In cultivation, there may be two scenarios when dealing with specific conflicts or when others treat you badly. One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life. You feel in your heart that it is unfair, “How can this person treat me like this?” Then why did you treat this person that way in the past? You might claim that you actually did not know it at that time, and this lifetime has nothing to do with another lifetime, but that won’t do. There is another issue. In conflicts, the issue of transforming karma is involved. Therefore, when actually dealing with conflicts we should take the high road instead of acting like everyday people."
Initially, I could not stop crying and telling myself there was nothing to do – I had treated A very badly in my previous life and this is why A was treating me badly. This way I was trying to resolve the issue but still could not stop crying. In the end, I found the courage to speak to another practitioner for the first time and I felt much better. Now that I knew why I had this experience, to develop compassion was a long process, and took me nearly 8 years.
When I first started cultivating, I saw this person often but in time when karma was slowly being eliminated between us I started seeing them less and less. Later on when I understood the importance of saving people, I wanted to save him too.
In the first years of my cultivation, I wanted to have the Zhen-Shan-Ren Art Exhibition in Istanbul very much. This was because before I started cultivation, although I did not paint myself, I had always been interested in good paintings. The exhibition had taken place in Turkey at different cities but it hadn’t been held in Istanbul yet. When we talked with other practitioners, we realized that we needed an exhibition hall.
At that time I hadn’t enough courage. I was always waiting others to take the first step and thought that I could just do behind the scenes work. I thought that I could not organize a project by myself and all the work seemed impossible, like Zhen-Shan-Ren art exhibition. But one day, I realized that, near my house there was a good exhibition hall and learned that high level people go there. I worked up all my courage and decided to go there. Straightaway I was able to talk with an authorized person; I told her with pictures and news on the internet information about Falun Dafa and the Zhen-Shan-Ren art exhibition which was held in different cities in Turkey. This person looked at the pages and wanted me to fill in a request form and then said that approval would be confirmed later by phone. I was very excited and when I left there, my mood was very peaceful. At that time, I understood that nothing was impossible. We simply need the courage to do it.
After a while they responded by phone and said, “With a small fee you can do your exhibition for a week.” I was shocked at how easy it was — I couldn’t have imagined it before. Our first exhibition preparation was done by a fellow practitioner. I learned a lot of things from her. She sent me a story of each of the paintings and suggested to work on them. We didn’t have any experience but I thought that we have a pure heart and because of this we received good and positive feedback from visitors. We arranged the Zhen-Shan-Ren art exhibition many times at that exhibition hall.
I understand that working on projects like this, we could understand the importance of saving people and each project brings us different understandings which lead us to identify our attachments. But over the years, I understood that I had a strong connection with the Zhen-Shan-Ren paintings in my previous life. After that, we arranged other exhibitions in Istanbul. But the very first exhibition was very special to us.
I’m very grateful to our Shifu, because only for Shifu’s help everything became clear, which was impossible before.
Shifu said in Zhuan Falun Lecture 9, “ ‘When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.’ In fact, that is how it is. Why don’t you give it a try when you return home?”
I invited person A and his family to our first Zhen-Shan-Ren exhibition in Istanbul, but only the son and the spouse came. The person A did not come. I was confused. I looked within to understand why A had not come. I said to myself, “Maybe I did not wish to save him with a pure heart. I only wanted to get rid of my attachment of fear, that’s why I had invited him.”
A few years later when I found out that my mother was in A’s house I also went there in a hurry with the intention of saving them. Again A was not home. I felt sad which surprised me one more time. A was not there. I did not understand why!!! I looked within again I realized my heart was still not sure enough, and I was too eager to save this person. From then on I let go, I said to myself let it be!
All these years passed and I no longer saw him. With constant Fa study and with help of our great Shifu I started to get rid of my attachments to fear and anger.
A few months ago my mother had a big party, a get together for relatives and friends. To my surprise A also came with his family. I knew this was not a coincidence. I really did not want to lose this opportunity. While everyone was in the main dining room I clarified the truth to A and his family about the organ harvesting in China and asked if they would like to sign the petition. They all signed it. I felt so peaceful in my heart and tears came to my eyes. After 8 years of difficult cultivation, this problem was resolved.
I pursued this person and he never appeared. When I cultivated myself to that standard it just happened. He came to me! I also realized that we can’t be forceful and should follow the course of nature. No matter how hard things are in our lives we should always trust Shifu unconditionally, believe in the Fa and always look within.
I obtained the Fa 9 years ago on the 18th day of September 2007. It is like my birthday. I have a new life given by Dafa and Shifu. Ordinary people like to have cakes and receive presents on their birthdays. But I feel that I’m very lucky to be with fellow practitioners and share experiences of cultivation. If I am able to help you with this experience a little bit, as little as a grain of sand, which will be my present!
Shifu Hao! Falun Dafa Hao!
Thank you Shifu! Thank you fellow practitioners!
Chinese version: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/155679