Looking Inward

Miao Shan

PureInsight | September 9, 2002

Master told us in the Fa that if one were sincerely concerned about others without thinking of oneself, what that person said would move others to tears.

My husband told me I was selfish, but I always denied his comments. I believed it wasn't true and that he said it just because he wanted to prevent me from practicing Dafa. Since I started practicing Dafa, I did more housework and I was responsible for my two children. I didn't quarrel with him, even if he didn't care about me or help with the housework. I also treated his parents better in accordance with my belief that "suffering losses is a blessing."

In fact, these are just things on the surface. What one actually does is not what is most important. The most significant key is one's heart when doing things. I actually have a very strong attachment of selfishness because a lot of times I consider things from the view of my own cultivation instead of thinking of others as my vantage point.

For example, my daily life was hard because my husband was opposed to my practicing Dafa. When I picked up Master's books to read everyday, my hands always held together Heshi to ask Master to offer salvation to my husband. Of course, on one hand, it was for my husband, but on the other hand, it was to ask for a better environment for myself. This is selfish and my heart is impure.

Most of the time I considered things according to my own feelings, rarely caring about others' feelings. For instance, last time I went back to China with my husband to visit his parents, he did not allow me to take Dafa books with us but I took them without letting him know. When my husband found this out, he was very upset. He said I was selfish and only thought about myself. Because he thought that if customs found out about them, my whole family would be detained in the airport. How could my two children deal with that? He said that he had not been back to his hometown for ten years. I was pretty sure nothing would happen if I took those books. In fact, nothing happened. Now I know that I should not conceal it from him and should talk with him more often. After he agrees with me, then I can do something instead of doing it all by myself without his input.

I was steadfast in practicing Dafa. But how to cultivate and how to truly step-by-step cultivate one's inner self is an issue that needs to be seriously thought about. It cannot be a superficial form. The key is to cultivate the heart, the inner self. I cannot hide my attachments and hide my selfishness under something superficial.

Giving up attachments means giving up the self and thinking about other people every time and in every place. Giving up self does not mean giving up cultivation. It means cultivating towards the level that Master said, "Have the righteous thoughts of unselfish consideration and always think about others before ourselves."

One Friday night towards the end of July, I talked with him from an everyday person's point of view that he could understand. I truly wanted the best for him. That night he changed a lot. Our relationship improved. One week later he even asked me to buy some medicine for him to quit smoking. On Saturday, when I came back from shopping, he went to the garage to help me take the food into the kitchen. He hasn't helped me with the shopping bags for a long time, at least a year or two.

I think it's because what I said that night was totally for him, without thinking about myself. At that moment, I was neither selfish nor self-centered. I did not think how beneficial it was for my cultivation or how much de I would gain and so on. Moreover, I did not think about what benefits I could get from the realistic issue of everyday people. I just did what a kind-hearted person should do and sincerely cared about him.

My husband said to me several times before, "You think what you are practicing is very good but why am I not assimilated into it? Why is there no affinity for me?" I hope that one day he will be illuminated by the Buddha light and assimilated into Dafa.

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