Return to the Origin

Xiao Xu

PureInsight | November 28, 2005

[] I remember that the first time I read Falun Gong's books I was so interested in reading them that I forgot about eating or sleeping. I didn't care if there was nobody else in the world practicing Falun Gong. I didn't have to worry if I would be able to keep up with my Fa study every day. No such thing existed for me because I was so hungry for the Fa. When I read a page, I wanted to know what was on the next page and the page next after that. I didn't care what other people thought of my choice. When people talked about it, I responded with a friendly smile and a few words and quickly found a quiet corner so that I would not be interrupted again. How could I possibly not have time for Fa study? Before I started to practice Falun Gong, I often listened to an hour of pop music to relax myself during the daily commute to and from work. When I returned home after work, I often read novels to entertain myself. How could I not have any time to study the Fa? When I first obtained the Fa, Falun Gong books were my most prized possessions. I thoroughly enjoyed studying the Fa every day.

I remember that the first I sent righteous thoughts I was truly happy. After living in Mainland China in the environment where Falun Gong practitioners suffer directly from the persecution for so long, I finally had a precious tool of Fa to eliminate the evil. I must hurry to send righteous thoughts. I must. If I send righteous thoughts for ten minutes, I will eliminate evil for ten minutes. Sending righteous thoughts yields very tangible results! How could I oversleep and miss the time to send righteous thoughts? No such thing existed for me. Before I started to practice Falun Gong, I often got up early in the morning to do aerobics exercises or go jogging. I even jumped out of bed at the sound of the alarm clock or stayed up by drinking coffee only to catch a midnight movie. So how could I oversleep and miss sending righteous thoughts?

I remember that the first time I clarified the truth about Falun Gong to people, I didn't expect to find that there was a large distance between them and me. No such thing existed for me. With just one glance at a person, I would know about his profession or lifestyle and know what to say. In a few words, I would make friends with him and naturally bring up the subject of Falun Gong. They felt I was just talking to them casually. There was no pretension in my manner at all.

I remember that the first time I exchanged my cultivation experiences with fellow Falun Gong practitioners. I had no thought to feel embarrassed to share my insights. I would pour my heart out when I met with fellow practitioners. Only when I returned home and thought about our sharing, did I wonder why I was able to say so many words. Even with my friends and family members, I have never told them what was on my mind without holding anything back.

I remember that the first time I joined a group activity to clarify the truth I was very excited and felt warm at the same time. I felt as though I had returned home. I felt an affectionate energy comforting my soul and giving me courage.

I remember that the first time a fellow practitioner asked me to help with some truth-clarification work, I felt it was a great honor. I was willing to do it day after day and night after night until forever.

I remember the first time I made up my mind to cultivate in Falun Gong I had no concept of difficulty. I longed for cultivation practice so much that I felt that I would complete it even if I had to lose everything or walk on ground paved with sharp knives. (That was before China began to persecute Falun Gong.)

I remember the first time a fellow practitioner angrily made insulting remarks to me, I had no concept of feeling offended. I knew only to search inward. I knew that no matter who was in the wrong it was no coincidence that it had happened to me. I was very sincere and serious about my cultivation practice. When I didn't know what to do, I would study the Fa even more diligently. Even when I felt terribly hurt at heart and lay on the bed feeling defeated for a day, I didn't think of blaming the practitioner who had insulted me. I only felt sad because I couldn't figure out what my attachment was.

The first time… The first time… After a long time, I gradually lost the feeling of these "first time." But when I thought of them, I can still remember the feeling as if it was yesterday.

A lot of things can happen in this secular world, but I will never forget those moments when I was able to rise above this world.

The journey of cultivation practice may be long, but I truly hope that I will conduct myself as a genuine cultivator from the beginning to the end. Because I often let myself down, I long to attain the goal even more.

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