Change Human Notions, Temper Myself Within the Fa
Experience sharing from the 2009 Canada Fa Conference
[PureInsight.org] Greetings respectful Master, greetings fellow practitioners!
I am a veteran practitioner who obtained the Fa in 1996. On May 19, 1998, I went to appeal at the Beijing TV station. I also experienced the events of April 25th and July 20th. There were times when I was confused. I was arrested when I displayed a banner on Tiananmen Square in 2000 and I went on a hunger strike. To avoid being taken to a brain-washing class, I became homeless for six months. In April 2003, I immigrated to Canada. For the past 10 years, I have walked my cultivation path, validating the Fa under Master’s guidance despite ups and downs. However, because I didn’t really study the Fa diligently, I was still unsettled by many human notions.
Master has told us in Lunyu:
The Buddha Fa is most profound; among all the theories in the world, it is the most intricate and extraordinary science. In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking. Otherwise, the truth of the universe will forever remain a mystery to humankind, and everyday people will forever crawl within the boundary delimited by their own ignorance. (Zhuan Falun)
I memorized this paragraph, but didn’t really understand the meaning concealed in its words.
I am impatient and speak bluntly, so I volunteer to do anything that does not involve supervising people. I was a teacher when I was young. I’d rather teach classes than be a supervisor. I continued to hold on to this notion while cultivating. In 1998, I was asked to be an assistant and establish a new practice site to spread the Fa. When I couldn’t evade it, I agreed to take on the role temporarily. Later, several practitioners competed to become the assistant, which gave me the opportunity to resign. I didn’t mind taking care of the banners, cleaning the site, bringing the tape recorder, coming early and leaving late, but I just didn't want to be an assistant.
After I arrived in Toronto, this notion became even stronger and I couldn’t break through the boundaries the old force had arranged for me. I held on firmly to human principles, which created a tremendous obstacle to my cultivation. Yet, I was unaware of it. Master told us in “To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference:”
So in clarifying the truth, don't wait, don't rely on others, and don't just hope for changes in external factors. Every one of us is creating history for the future, that's why everyone is not only participating in group activities, but also taking the initiative to look for things to do. As long as something is good for Dafa, you should take the initiative to do it, take the initiative to work on it. (Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I should also take the initiative to do something. There is one thing that really moved my heart: when I saw fellow practitioners going through a test of sickness karma and when I saw that some even passed away, I felt that they needed a practitioner to care about them. We should not wait until their tribulation grows so huge that they cannot pass it, and then we go there to visit and ask if they have searched inward. Rather, we should have timely sharing whenever we see problems with a practitioner; then very likely that tribulation can be avoided. I saw these problems and felt truly worried, but I took no action because I had no clue how to help.
At the time, Master saw my heart, so he used other practitioner’s words to give me a hint. “You are a veteran practitioner and came to Toronto so long ago. You should do something for the group. You should organize the elderly practitioners to form a study group. Don’t wait until a fellow practitioner has already been persecuted to the point of death to offer help. Then, it would be too late.”
Group Fa study is the form of cultivation that Master has taught us. I should do this, as I have the conditions to do so. All the tenants in the house where I live are practitioners, and the two practitioners living upstairs packed everything into their bedrooms to empty the living room. I didn’t have children to take care of, so I had extra time. Transportation to where I live is very convenient and many practitioners know the location. Once I decided to proceed, my human notions reappeared, like the fear of not being able to do well, or what others might say, or if no one would participate, and so on. Bad thoughts coursed through my mind, but my main consciousness remained strong. I knew that this was interference from my old notions, so I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it, to break though the old force’s arrangement, and to walk the path that was arranged by Master.
I talked to a few practitioners about forming a group study for elderly practitioners. They encouraged and supported me. The first Sunday after the mid-autumn Shen Yun performance, we began our group study. Ten practitioners joined. Because we are all veteran practitioners, everyone had gone through a solid personal cultivation process. We studied the Fa and shared experiences for three hours. Not one of us chatted. Fellow practitioners not only have the heart to strive forward and cultivate themselves well, but also to kindly point out others’ shortcomings and form a true field for cultivation.
Elderly practitioners were asked to get together and send forth righteous thoughts around the New Year, just before the Shen Yun performance. Despite the bitterly cold winter, practitioners had to come from far away daily. Some practitioners needed to transfer to other buses to get there and these practitioners were all over 70 years old. I really felt it was difficult to ask for their help. The coordinator criticized me and said this is human thinking. I think it is indeed important to get together to send forth righteous thoughts, so I told the other practitioners this. To my surprise, nobody objected, and almost everyone came daily, even during heavy snow. Around 19 people came one day. We arranged tight schedules, sent forth righteous thoughts every half hour, and then studied the Fa or did the exercises in between. We didn’t even have time to drink water. Practitioners all felt the field was very good.
Then I was tested again. A practitioner said about me, “Because you saw a few practitioners pass away, you hurriedly formed a study group and wanted to be a coordinator. What ability do you have? Your husband could not pass the sickness karma test well and went to the hospital, yet you want to manage others.” After listening, my mind was calm and my heart was unmoved, but I still felt uncomfortable deep down.
Master said in “Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Singapore:” “That’s why I tell you that whenever any problems occur or whenever you feel uneasy inside, you should look inside yourself for causes. I can guarantee that the problem lies within you.”
So why was this practitioner criticizing me when all other practitioners were encouraging and supportive? I knew I wasn’t good enough and yet why pour this cold water on me when I had finally gathered enough courage to take this step?
I tried to search inside and finally I found it: It was my vanity. I could say my ability was poor, but when others point it out, I don’t want to listen. Isn’t this vanity? The other practitioner wasn’t wrong. My husband went to the hospital and had an operation. He didn’t pass the sickness karma test well, that is true. Since all of what the practitioner said were facts, then why didn’t I want to listen? Didn’t I just want to hear good words? Master said:
When others say things about you that aren’t pleasant to hear, why do you become unhappy? When you become unhappy, aren’t you in your heart refusing to accept the chance to cultivate and improve? Aren’t you simply seeking the same kind of happiness that everyday people do? Then aren’t you an everyday person?! At that moment you should think, ‘Why am I unhappy? When others criticize me, I become unhappy—aren’t I pursuing something?’ But while wanting everyone to be nice to you and to live a pleasant life among ordinary people, how are you going to improve? Without letting go of any human things, how can you improve and elevate? For exactly that reason you cannot improve and elevate. You have to truly let go of these things—attachments that humans cannot let go of. (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia”)
When I seriously tried to understand this lecture, my heart suddenly brightened. Wasn’t I pursuing human things? I wanted to hear good words. Actually, my strong notions and my mentality of not wanting to do this or that all were rooted in this. Once I found the root, I needed to dig it out and eliminate it, so that I could quickly improve. I am trying my best to do this.
I’d like to thank the fellow practitioner who gave me this opportunity to improve. Fa rectification is progressing so fast. I need to follow its progress closely and try my best to be a qualified disciple.
Please kindly point out any inappropriateness in my sharing.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!