Sharing from the Heart: Stirring Up One's Feelings


PureInsight | April 12, 2010

[] The new communist party director, who assumed office last year, planned a dinner party for the retired veteran cadres; the party was supposedly for everyone to meet each other, but actually it was intended for him to get closer to those elder cadres so that they would not make trouble for him later. I was one of the former leaders. When the persecution of Falun Gong started 10 years ago, I wouldn't compromise and refused to be “transformed,” so I was expelled from the party and dismissed from my office.

When I entered the restaurant, I saw there were three tables. The current leadership was sitting at the innermost table and the retired cadres were sitting at the other two. I thus went to sit at a middle table. After a while, the office manager saw there were a few vacant seats at the director’s table so he came to our table to ask several people who used to be my subordinates to go sit with the director, but he didn't invite me. I was a little upset but didn't show it. I became quiet and didn’t talk and laugh as I had earlier. I knew it was my human mindset of seeking fame, being concerned about saving face, and loving honor. My unbalanced mind emerged. I held a grudge toward the office manager, but acted as if nothing had happened.

When everyone had arrived, the new director said a few words and proposed a toast. After a little while, I tried hard to balance my mind and walked to the director's table and said with smile, “Director, I’d like to honor you with a toast of tea instead of liquor.” The director stood up quickly and said, “I am really sorry. You are a celebrated elder leader and I should be the one to offer you a toast. I hope you'll provide guidance and help on the job at a later time.” I answered him, “Thank you director for your understanding.” I then toasted him and returned to my seat. Hearing the compliment from the director, I felt good. It was actually my attachment of wanting to hear a compliment.

My mood improved and I went to another table with a cup of tea on the spur of the moment. I spoke thoughtlessly, “Dear colleagues, I would like to propose a toast. The New Year is to arrive soon and I wish everyone a happy New Year. I have very important words to say. Sincerely reciting, ‘Falun Dafa is good,’ will save your life when calamity strikes, and keeping firmly in mind that ‘Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,’ happiness will always accompany you.” After hearing what I said, people burst out in joyful laughter. At this time, a female coworker said to the director smilingly, “Director, you are almost sixty years old, but you look just like forty years old.” I said off the top of my head, “If one wishes to be younger, just practice Falun Gong!” Everyone burst out with laughter after hearing what I said. At that moment, a former office manager patted my stomach and said with a smile, “You see the director's tolerance and his health—none of us can compare with him.”

Facing compliments, pleasant words, and joyful laughter, my attachments of fame, honor, saving face, holding grudges and having an unbalanced human mindset were temporarily covered. Later, another one of my former subordinates came over to offer a toast. He raised his glass to toast a young party secretary. My mind was again moved. The feeling of discomfort reappeared. I looked at him expressionlessly. The secretary looked at me sensitively and said: “You cannot toast me first. Here is an elder leader, how can I drink first? I must toast the elder leader first.” Although he was reluctant, he turned around to offer me a toast. My human mindset was once again satisfied. I raised my tea cup and drank up. But my bad attachments were hidden once again. The banquet came to an end. Those I had rarely seen left and returned home. I also returned home with some regret.

Before the banquet, I thought that among the attachments to fame, gain and sentimentality, I had the least attachment to fame. It wasn’t so. My attachment to fame was actually concealed and had no chance of being exposed. Through being stirred up at this banquet, it exposed itself. Not only did I have a serious problem of seeking fame, but I also sought out sentimentality. My attachment to sentimentality was also vividly exposed. One moment I was sad and the next moment I was happy. One moment I held a grudge, the next moment I was carefree. One moment I was lost and the next moment I was satisfied. It was an arrangement by our benevolent Teacher for eliminating my human mindset and attachments, but I was thinking of concealing it and protecting it. Those human mindsets and attachments are spirits in other dimensions. They follow your thoughts to let you feel happy and comfortable. They let you protect the human mindset and make you lose an opportunity to get rid of your attachments and improve yourself.

I was also enlightened to the fact that stirring up one's feelings is basically good. Those concealed things can only be exposed by being stirred up. The purpose of the exposure is to eliminate it. If we try to conceal and protect an attachment, the result will run counter to our desire. Through this lesson, we should realize the truth that the principles in the Three Realms are the opposite of the universal principles. All things that make you comfortable and happy are bad. On the contrary, things that make you unhappy, uncomfortable, and make you lose advantage over others are actually good things.

From now on, when I have my feelings stirred up, I will be more sober-minded, rational, and mature and take every opportunity to eliminate all the bad substances, assimilate to the Universe’s characteristic of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and return to my True Self.

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