Finding the Attachment of Not Wanting to Be Criticized
[PureInsight.org] Ever since I began to write cultivation experience articles, I always tried to keep my parents—who are fellow practitioners—from knowing about them. When we were in the same room, I kept looking back to see whether they were peeping at an article I was working on from behind. If one of them approached, I immediately hid the article; after they walked away, I continued to write. After this happened several times, my parents were no longer interested in my articles and I could finally relax.
I thought by doing this my parents would never know about my articles. However, recently I told my parents the title of one of my articles, and it appeared shortly after as the only article in the Weekly Edition of Clearwisdom. Master’s arrangement was so ingenious. Everything was an opportunity for me to improve. Thank you, Master! So I started to look within.
First, I asked myself why I didn’t want my parents to read my articles. On the surface I was afraid that they might praise me. Beneath the surface, though, it was really the result of an attachment of not wanting others to criticize me. I remembered that several days ago when my article was published on the website I mentioned it to my parents and my dad smiled and said calmly: “That’s the right move. You should walk this path (he meant to validate the Fa by writing articles).” His words were common but I was disgusted by it. I even turned these words over and over in my mind for a long time. Just like what Master said: “Some people have become like matches—one stroke and they ignite. They're like land mines—one step and they detonate. [They are acting like,] ‘You can't criticize me. I can't take any criticism.’ They no longer listen to any expression of disapproval or disagreement, whether it was meant out of good or ill will, was intentional or unintentional; they reject everything flat out, and even less do they examine themselves. It has gotten quite severe.” (Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles)
The reason why I didn’t want my parents to read my articles was actually that I was afraid my parents would evaluate them. Whether they praised them or gave suggestions, it would be like they were “criticizing” me. I tried to find a high-sounding excuse for my severe attachment, i.e., I used modesty to cover my attachment.
If we are careful, we will find that on the path of cultivation, nothing happens by accident. Very likely Master arranges things to eliminate some of our attachments. As long as we let go of our attachments and follow Master closely, our cultivation path will surely become broader and broader.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/zj/articles/2010/3/14/64886.html