PureInsight | June 17, 2021
[PureInsight.org] Recently, I learned the Expounding on the Fa of the Essentials for Further Advancement. Master suddenly enlightened me with a layer of the Fa principles, which made me realize that I had been trapped in the realm of being a good person for a long time. It is time to raise the standard. Otherwise, no matter how well I do, I will be trapped in tribulations for a long time. This is the basic excuse for the evil to persecute me and create family tribulations.
I have obtained the Fa since 1998. Like many other disciples, I have cultivated for more than 20 years, but due to my poor understanding, the tribulations still came one after another. I either cultivated affection for my husband or cultivated affection for my children. I had a very painful life. Often, soon after overcoming a tribulation, the next tribulation had already began. I often wondered helplessly, is my karma really so great? When is the end of tribulations? I even envy people who used to cultivate reclusively. My cultivation was painful, and I still couldn't see where the root cause was.
Facing a Ruthless and Lustful Husband
For so many years, I have been seeing a superficial phenomenon: my husband and children seem to be here to collect debts, each of them ‘ruthless and relentless, and avenge to my grace’, constantly torturing me, and I was stuck in the illusion. At first, I thought I was too attached to my husband, and so he had an affair. When I was pregnant with my second child, he made more than one woman pregnant. He was hoping to divorce, so I kept letting go of my love and my sentiment of loneliness in bringing children alone. From time to time, I forgave him.
However, no matter how I reacted, it was somehow bearable and somehow unbearable. Tribulations come and go. The situation may become better but soon turned bad. Later he was even more ruthless. With my leg in pains, I had to walk with a cane, and I could not take care of the others. I thought he may recall his conscience due to our young child, so he could stay with me to take care of our family (my husband’s company is in China, and I live overseas with my children). He did not care even if I cannot walk, and how can I raise our child overseas without any help.
After more than ten years, my heart is broken, and I looked inward realizing that I still want to get his kindness. This seemingly small last point of expectation, this last bit of love for staying as everyday husband and wife, my attachment of desire, I finally made up my mind to cut off my love for him. With the mentality of paying off the debts without resentment or hatred in this life, I would perform as his wife and still treat him kindly. Only then, a relatively normal relationship between husband and wife finally appeared, and there were almost no conflicts between us. I think this might be because my debts of the previous life are almost paid off. I finally passed the family tribulations.
Facing my Debts of the Children
Just when I thought that I had finally understood my cultivation, and let go of my love for my husband, after my husband had indeed changed for the better, another kind of tribulation started. My eldest daughter started in the second grade of middle school; she was acting like my enemy, such as the period of youth resistance, adolescent depression, eating disorder, and so on. My eldest daughter caused troubles at home and school, even running away from home, dropping out from school, hospitalization, etc. repeatedly. My husband is basically living in China. Since my daughter has been making trouble for a long time, he does not care about my daughter anymore. My resentment at his indifference and my eldest daughter’s behavior almost brought me down.
At that time, I was working on editing and clarifying the truth while taking care of my three children. My cultivation was so painful and exhausting, so I still did not know if it is because I had too much affection, or if it is because I had too much historical debt, karma, or stuck at somewhere. Fellow practitioners persuaded me to let go of my affection for children, send forth more righteous thoughts, look inward, study the Fa more, etc. Later my daughter even demanded that she be given absolute freedom in the future, and I should not intervene in anything she does. My heart is desolate and helpless, but I have given all my heart to the children who have been studying the Fa since childhood. The pain in my heart cannot be imagined.
Recalling this is not to pour out my bitterness to fellow practitioners, but to share my experience with fellow practitioners who are similar to me. Although there are historical reasons for debts and the feelings of some people, the root cause is unclear on Fa principles and I failed to understand the foundation of cultivation. I was stuck at the level of being a good person for too long, treating tribulations by applying everyday living standards and measurements. It not only made me trapped in tribulations for a long time but also manipulated my husband and children to create troubles for me due to my poor understanding of Fa principles in the past.
Completely Wake up after Reading Expounding on the Fa
Master saw that what I had passed through was too bitter. Although I would not have any thoughts of giving up on my cultivation during the difficulties, I was too helpless and too entangled, as if my cultivation was a little numb, so Master let fellow practitioners enlighten me. Everything is in order under Master’s arrangements, so I should not be passive. So, I suddenly thought of reading Expounding on the Fa.
When I read the first paragraph of this scripture, I was immediately shocked. Master said, “For a long period of time the sentient beings in Dafa, especially the disciples, have had a misunderstanding of the Fa at various levels regarding xinxing improvement. Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and have prevented them from doing Fa-rectification. How can the uncultivated side restrain your main thoughts or the side that has already attained the Fa? Having humanly fostered the evil demons, you allow them to capitalize on the loopholes in the Fa.”
This is simply pointing out my family tribulations among me, my husband, and my children. I was cultivating based on everyday people standards, considering my husband’s ruthless, my children’s childish and ungrateful. I was measuring them by everyday living principles and believing that they were wrong. I was also convinced that I was innocently victimized and tortured, but I forgave them, tolerated them, never hurt them, and I tried my best to take care of them. I comforted myself it was paying back my karma. However, I never thought that the evil was just using my love for them, the debts I owed, and my negligence failed to treat myself as a higher being at each tribulation to keep creating more troubles for me.
Although I am giving up attachments, which are not the fundamental purpose and final excuse of the evil to create tribulations for me. It is because I always treat myself as an everyday person, so as to be a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter-in-law, etc. I ask myself to be a good person by obtaining everyday living standards, such as being trustworthy, being benevolent, and treating others with kindness. I never went beyond the thinking and concepts of everyday living standards. There was always a set of standards for being a person in my heart. I was measuring right or wrong unconsciously by apply the everyday living standards. I consider myself a good person while cultivating. No matter how good a good person I am, it's at the human level. Therefore, no matter how good I am to my family, the result is the so-called my benevolence and righteousness and their avenge on my grace. This is because, from the view of the Old Forces, I have always been cultivating by applying human-level principles and failed to reach the level of divine beings. In other words, I have cultivated for more than 20 years and haven't really regarded myself as a divine being. This is the fundamental excuse for the Old Forces to trap me in the family tribulations for a long time.
Master also said in the Expounding on the Fa, “You should also be clear that ‘natural’ does not exist, and ‘the inevitable’ has reasons behind it. In fact, ‘natural’ is irresponsibly used by everyday people to make excuses for themselves when they are unable to explain the phenomena of the universe, life, and matter. They cannot imagine what “nature” itself is. Under the influence of this kind of notion you think that all these tribulations are inevitable and that this is just the way it is, thereby developing a passive and pessimistic attitude. So your human side must stay aware. More importantly, your side that has attained the Fa must be clear.”
Although I have already awakened mostly, I still don’t know what exactly to do. When I continued to read the next scripture with a less confident mind, I was stunned as soon as I read the title of the following article. By seeing the title Abandon Human Attachments and Continue True Cultivation I suddenly understood that Master is watching me and knowing that I was confused. Therefore, the Master directly taught me how to do this by using the title. My next step is to give up ordinary people's attachments. All of the thinking and concepts of everyday living level should be giving up, so I could enter higher-level cultivation. I was surprised by the next article. The title was Take the Middle Way. Before I read the content, I immediately understood that Master has led me to mature my cultivation path completely. Even though I completely let go of everything at the human level, I should accord with everyday people as much as possible. I should not act as something special, but I should treat others nicely and let them know I am a good person. But in fact, my inner standard has exceeded everyday people level. Unexpectedly, these three scriptures actually showed me that they were in order. At that moment, Master gave me the principles of the Fa and higher secrets. Looking back on my family tribulations, even the relationship with fellow practitioners, it is clear at a glance, and it feels suddenly clear.
When I understood this level of Fa principles, I knew that I had improved. My husband who had been denying the truth-clarification for many years became willing to listen to the truth. My children changed as well. On New Year's Eve, she smiled and told me, “Mom, maybe I'm collecting debts.” She has long refused to eat the food I cooked, but she actually shouted my dumplings were so delicious. She kept talking about it for a long time, but in fact, my dumplings were nothing different than normal. The next day she said to me again, “Don’t worry, I will never be bad, and I will not do morally corrupting things. Although I don’t practice the exercises, I always ask myself to be a good person. Maybe I can be a divine being someday? Is there such a person in ancient times?" I can't react to it. She has been making trouble for so many years, hating me like an enemy, and yelling at me. How comes she does not remember any of them? She considers herself a good person! I couldn't believe the words come out of her mouth.
After that, I understood right away. Maybe Master was using her mouth to enlighten me. Master was in charge of the children and my family. He always knew my troubles and protected us. Don’t be passive. Don’t complain. Everything must be treated as a good thing, since it is an illusion, I must continue to practice, and constantly demand myself according to higher standards. Let me act as a divine being and be a true divine being.
The above is my understanding of the family tribulations for a long time. Please be compassionate to correct me if there is something incompatible in the Fa.
Chinese version: https://www.zhengjian.org/node/265689