Recent Reflections on Overcoming a Xinxing Tribulation: Understanding Cultivation Again from the Beginning

A Dafa Disciple from Taiwan

PureInsight | July 9, 2006

[] Last week, I met with a xinxing tribulation, but didn't pass it well. Once again I realized what cultivation really means.

On Friday morning, the supervisor of the personnel department of my
company told me that I hadn't run my card through the time stamping
machine to register my arrival at work for two days in a row and it had
posed problems for him in his report to his upper management. In fact,
I was not late to work and also I did run my card through the machine.
The supervisor was not in a good mood when he talked to me. I got a
little angry, thinking, "What do you want me to do? You might just as
well count the two days as if I were missing from work." He didn't say
too much at that time and the issue was temporarily dropped.


Returning to my desk and with anger in my heart I thought, "A
cultivator will not get angry and never be moved by ordinary people!"
So, I recited all the scriptures I could remember and read Master's
article "Pass the Deadly Test" one time. I told myself again and again
"In cultivation practice one needs to eliminate karma, and that is
painful. How can one increase gong comfortably?" (Zhuan Falun)
and "A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger
he complains about unfairness towards himself." ("Realms" in Essentials for Further Advancement),
your behavior is exactly like a "wicked person" and you don't even have
a compassionate heart of a kind person, how can you become an
enlightened person? This way, I continuously recited and reminded
myself not to have anger. When it was about noontime, I could calmly
face the issue. I thought I had passed the trial.

Right after noontime break, however, the supervisor came back and said
that I was not allowed to have no time record for two days in a row. He
insisted that I report that I had taken one hour off, which would
actually be counting me as having been late those days, for both
mornings so he could easily report the time to his boss. On hearing
this, I couldn't tolerate it, and I took the entire afternoon off and
told my direct supervisor about the situation. It was truly like what
has described in Zhuan Falun:
"But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person
psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or
her improve." Later on, I shared with several practitioners and again
looked inside myself. I remembered that Master said in the "Lecture at
the Conference in Europe": "When encountering conflicts, you should
each look inward to search for the cause within yourself, regardless of
whether you are accountable for this incident or not. Please remember
my words: Regardless of whether this is your fault or not, you have to
look within yourself, and you will find the problem. If the conflict
absolutely has nothing to do with you, or does not involve any of the
attachments you should give up, this conflict would rarely happen to
you." So I rethought the thing from the beginning and noticed that I
have so many attachments. My feelings of grievance, being angry and
feeling being treated unfairly, and disliking other's misunderstanding
of me: aren't all these attachments? Although I didn't complain very
much, telling this to my supervisor showed my competitive mentality, as
I had subconsciously hoped that someone would argue for me and vent my
anger for me. What a terrible attachment this was!

Realizing the problem, I felt much calmer in my heart and thought I
would be able to face it with a peaceful mind on Monday. However, the
next day, Saturday, on the way to Fa study, the angry feeling came up
again and it was even stronger than the last two times and even harder
to control. I kept on asking myself why. I had obviously realized the
problem and reached a peaceful state of mind, so why did I still get so
angry and not control it? What other problem was actually still there?
Arriving at the group study place, I couldn't wait to tell a
practitioner I know the whole thing and wanted to hear what he thought.
I never imagined that he would say to me: "I didn't want to listen to
you from the start!" His words were like a heavy hammer; it was true
that I didn't even ask if he had the time and wanted to listen to me
before I poured everything to him. How selfish I was!

Later on he said: maybe you still have hidden attachment. Just think
more, dig more and study Fa more. I couldn't think of anything at that
time and the reading was about to start, so we started to study the Fa.
It was surprising that, after studying the Fa, all of my negative
feelings and thoughts disappeared and I almost forgot the incident.

Looking back on the incident, although it was trivial, it had indeed
touched my inner heart. Before, I had thought of myself as cultivating
pretty well and always put myself outside of possible attachments when
I spoke, as if they were all other people's problems but not mine. Then
I realized that I, too, actually have those attachments, but I was not
willing to face them and tried to cover them up. Also, regarding the
political issues in Taiwan (where I live), I used to think that I
didn't have any attachments about it, but in fact I did. Although I do
not support the Minjin Party, whenever I heard of the Kuomintang going
to China hoping to establish a cooperative relationship with XX party,
I became angry automatically. Now, I realized that they too are people
who have been severely deceived. Aren't they in great danger? If I
could clarify the truth to the people in Mainland China and face their
misunderstanding with compassion, how come I could not tolerate the
Kuomintang's actions? I heard a practitioner's sharing: Is it possible
for us to choose the sentient beings we want to save? Didn't Master say
"I told you a long time ago that a Dafa disciple, or a cultivator, has
no enemies. The only thing you have a role in is saving people ......"
("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago"). Is our compassion
selective? Can we be compassionate to some but not compassionate to

Another issue was the numbness. Whenever something happened, I would
just make a token amount of effort. Actually, the matter is not
finished yet and we should continuously pay our attention to it. I
remember that Master has once said: "...But it has never let up in its
means of oppressive persecution. These are the persecutory means of a
gangster regime, the likes of which have never been seen before."
("Teaching the Fa at 2005 Canada Fa Conference"). How can I become
relaxed so quickly? Isn't this the sign of being numb and cold?


The more I thought about this matter, the more I felt ashamed. After
all, I still have so many attachments, yet think that I am pretty good
and continuously cover them up. Reading Master's recent lectures, I
always felt that Master is constantly reminding us of the importance of
personal cultivation. I also felt that my cultivation in past several
years was like a void, filled with doing jobs but the essence of
cultivation being forgotten. When conflict occurs, I always look at
others and feel aggrieved, which is exactly like what Master has said
"A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he
complains about unfairness towards himself." ("Realms" in Essentials for Further Advancement).
There are also many practitioners who have the same problem as mine,
placing themselves outside of conflicts. But how can that be? If one
has no problems themselves, he should not meet with any conflicts.
Realizing this, I felt as if getting to know the Fa from the start.
Master said in "Teaching the Fa at 2006 Canada Fa Conference" that:
"That's why I say when it comes to cultivation, you must truly grasp
what cultivation is, be truly and rationally responsible to your own
cultivation, truly handle everything you encounter with righteous
thoughts, and have strong righteous thoughts."

I noticed that many practitioners have done lots of work for Dafa, but
slacked off in their personal cultivation. I think that no one wants to
only get "good fortune" in the end. So, we should constantly remember
the meaning of "cultivation practice:" cultivation and practice, and
the "cultivation" is always in the first place. When we study the Fa,
it has to enter our heart, because "The Fa can break all attachments,
the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa
can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement (II)). Finally, I would like to review with everyone Master's scripture:


A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.

A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontent or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.

An enlightened being has no attachments at all. He quietly observes the everyday people blinded by delusion.

Pass the Deadly Test

During a human being's journey toward divinity, since it is a human
being - and not a god - cultivating, he will definitely make mistakes
in the process of cultivating, and there will definitely tests that he
doesn't pass well. And of course there are those who make huge
mistakes. Once you have recognized your problem, the key question is
whether you are determined to get rid of it. Only when you are
determined to emerge from it can it be called cultivation, and that is

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