PureInsight | August 27, 2006
[PureInsight.org] Just over a
year ago I returned to the path of cultivation after a two-year
absence. I would like to recount my experiences of returning to Dafa
and Fa-rectification cultivation since then. I hope my experience can
encourage any practitioner's that have fallen to return to Dafa as soon
as possible as well as to help other practitioners to strive forward.
I first began cultivating in autumn 1999 and did so for about four
years before slipping up. Looking back, I was not making a priority of
Fa study at the time. I had also separated myself from the group of
practitioners in Ireland. On the surface it was because I was busy with
so many things - work, clarifying the facts, college, and not balancing
my time well, so I had an excuse to slack off in certain aspects. In
actuality I simply didn't make Fa study and Dafa a priority. As time
went on, my righteous thoughts waned and my mind became clouded and
limited. I felt forced down by everything around. There were times of
clarity but they only led to promises to study later in the day or the
following day.
This lasted two years. During this time my heart was torn between being
a human and doing what I truly wanted - returning to Dafa. Sometimes it
felt like I was being torn in two directions but I think I always held
the Fa in my heart and knew that Master was caring for me even though I
had fell. I understand that the times of clarity I experienced were
actually Master temporarily clearing away the interference to encourage
me to strengthen my righteous thoughts and return to Dafa.
Towards the end of the two years, returning to Dafa was only made
difficult by fear. I was afraid of what people would say, what they
would think and about how I had failed once and could fail again.
Master said in "Pass the Deadly Test:"
"You went down a wrong path because of your attachments and fears to
begin with, and now, when you want to come back, you are again being
held back by fear and letting it block your return."
This was certainly the case with when I fell and wanted to return but dared not pick up Zhuan Falun
because I did not believe that I was worthy to read this book of the
Fa. These thoughts were always at the forefront of my mind during this
period. But weren't they in line with the old forces, who did not
believe it possible to save our main consciousness?
Master has taught in "The One Who Practices Gets the Gong" (The Eighth Talk in Zhuan Falun):
"That's why they think, 'Why should I save your master soul? The
subordinate soul is you, too. If I save him isn't it the same? He is
you, too. So it doesn't matter who gets it, it'll be the same as you
getting it, right? Either way you're the one who gets it.' "
My return strengthened my faith in Master, the Fa and righteous
thoughts. One night while lying in bed, I thought long and hard about
solidly putting my heart into Dafa again. At that time, I had a thought
that my intention to return was based on a selfish motive to cultivate
and so I needed to look inside myself deeply. I realised that this was
not the case. It was another form of interference trying to keep me
from returning to this path. I calmed my heart and solidified my
resolve to cultivate once more.
In the days before this, my heart was aching and my mind was clouded
amongst sentimentality. But the instant I make the decision to practise
once again, my heart and mind became peaceful and quiet.
The first step was to contact other practitioners. My mind was not at
ease as I was still fearful of what others would think. I sent a text
message to the only practitioner whose number I still had. He phoned me
and we talked for some time. I was touched by his openness and how he
was pleased because I was once again walking the path of Dafa.
Everything was open between us, something that I had not experienced in
a long time. I remember Master saying in the lectures in Guangzhou that
Falun Gong is a land of purity - I felt this at that moment.
Other practitioners also welcomed me back wholeheartedly. The notions
of fear that I had formed before my return to Dafa were simply
dissolved.
From the time of my return I have firmly tried to make Fa study a
priority as Master has said. Occasionally I have had stray thoughts
interfering with me and attempting to make me fall but I have pushed
through these. I have also decided to face my fears with more righteous
thoughts.
Thinking about my previous years of cultivation and the two years that
I fell, I see the fundamental cause of this was the pursuit of a
comfortable life. Because of this, there was interference, and because
I was not studying the Fa properly I could not see the problem for what
it actually was. I think I was walking the path arranged by the old
forces also as I was not clearing away the evil factors by sending
forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the facts.
My understanding of cultivation has changed because of this experience.
At the beginning I thought that cultivating was something special, but
a practitioner needed to walk their path while being distant from this
world, i.e., not participating in anything to do with ordinary human
society. Since returning, I have understood on a deeper level that the
purpose of being human is to cultivate, and the purpose of being a Dafa
disciples is to assist Master in rectifying the Fa. With this
understanding, the pursuit of comfort has diminished and making Fa
study my number one priority has just become natural.
Master said in "Pass the Deadly Test:"
"The truth is, losing this opportunity of the ages and not fulfilling
the real purpose of coming to this world are more terrifying than the
attachment of being too ashamed to face others. Cultivation is
cultivation, and cultivation is about getting rid of one's attachments,
putting a stop to bad human behaviour and all kinds of fears, including
the human attachments of being afraid of this and being afraid of that.
You went down a wrong path because of your attachments and fears to
begin with, and now, when you want to come back, you are again being
held back by fear and letting it block your return."
Since my return my thinking has changed drastically and I realise that
I do not need to worry so much about what others think. I need to
simply walk the path arrange by Master and upgrade xinxing in everything I do. This way I will never fall.
During the last several years, I have met some practitioners that have
also left Dafa temporarily. I decided to write this article to
encourage these practitioners to return to Dafa. I also hope that other
practitioners can learn from my experiences and do the three things
that Master has asked us to do.
Let's not miss this precious opportunity and strive forward diligently.
