PureInsight | May 14, 2013
[PureInsight.org] I had been feeling that my sense of desire was rather weak since I do not want to date or get married. Sometimes I felt that even if a certain film star came to me I would not be moved. Nevertheless, the chance meeting with a boy made me realize clearly that the demon of lust had actually been lurking beneath the surface.
I met him while travelling and found that he matched my aesthetic standards for character, appearance, voice, apparel, and figure. Unconsciously, I went so far as to like him. After returning home, I was suffering from lack of contact with him. I was astounded by this-- how should I be so unstable after cultivating for more than 10 years? I realized it was a desire drawn from the interference of the demon of lust. Since my main consciousness was not strong at that time, I did not repel it constantly, causing thoughts of lust to come in a menacing, insuppressible manner. I was unable to calm down when doing exercises or studying the Fa. Doing online shopping and thinking of ways to meet him filled my mind, just like the scenes in TV shows. I wondered if I could exchange short messages and make contact with him occasionally.
So this continued for several days, and my body encountered interference and symptom of “catching cold” appeared. My heart was moved, and I found myself yearning for the young and simple love in senior high school. I thought of the time when boys and girls would blush just because of their hands touched. My feelings for him were difficult to forget. I recalled having dreams in which I played with middle school classmates on the playground. Having discovered the attachment, I negated and rejected it, and then the suffering state was alleviated for several days.
But the deeply lurking lust was not uprooted, as if I was unwilling to let go, and some variant pictures still emerged in mind. This morning, the water tap in home went wrong and water flooded everywhere, even the floor began to get warped. I knew it was compassionate Master nudging me! This disciple had made Master worry again. At this crucial moment of saving sentient beings, it was too bad that I was thrown off by the demon of lust because of lack of righteous thoughts. When I calmed down and looked inward, the emergence of this affair revealed many attachments: the first is lust. I was paying too much attention to normal activities and enjoying the appreciation of others. In sharings, fellow practitioners have pointed out many times that seeking attention from the members of the opposite sex was caused by lust, but I often didn’t see it. The second is not being deep enough in Fa study and my failure to cultivate truly. When real tribulations came, principles of Fa were forgotten and my behavior was like that of an ordinary person. Thirdly, bad thoughts were not cleared in enough time to set myself right. Any thought that was troubling my mind, like seeking a favorable impression from my counterpart was actually an attachment provoked by my own human thoughts. The attachment was amplified when seen by the old forces, making me think that this person liked me too, but actually, it was a delusion. Most of the bad thoughts imposed upon people come from the demon of lust, and one’s true self must be distinguished from the false one. What’s more, in normal times, I looked down on fellow practitioners who had a strong attachment to lust, thinking that giving up lust was a piece of cake. Thus, having the mindset of criticizing fellow practitioners had caused the lust demon to exploit an advantage. Fifth, why I do not want to marry needs to be examined again. It is because of fear of trouble, trivial things in daily life, whatever, but not from inspiration given by principles of Fa. Consequently, my heart fluctuated once I met an admirable person.
I felt ashamed and regretted becoming distracted. Fellow practitioners were sparing no efforts to save people, while I was sighing in despair because of interference from the lust, the White Bone Demon. It was really disappointing to me. Fa rectification is at its last stage, human hearts will be exposed through different means, and it is extremely dangerous to be attached to lust! Ancient devotees were required to look down on the thoughts of their hearts, while as Dafa disciples, we must pay attention to every thought, word and action and leave no chance for the evil to exploit us. I hope practitioners do not make mistakes on such a low level as mine, that we can let go of attachments, cultivate ourselves well, and return home with Master.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/117431