PureInsight | April 5, 2015
[PureInsight.org] While taking a shuttle to go home to spend the holiday with my child before the mid Autumn, I met an ex-coworker in the shuttle (I am already retired). He said: “The boss said your case is no longer listed as ‘the focus point’” [by the evil powers]. When I heard that, I had a little inexplicable feeling. I thought probably because I had not been diligent for several years and not appeared at any activities (l have been gone for several years), the evil powers did not list me as the so-called “focus point”. I felt a growing sense of unease.
Since the evil started persecution in 1999, I had been illegally kidnapped and detained six times. My wife was persecuted to death, along with several years’ persecution by illness karma. Every time I felt I was not able to cultivate any more, I thought “I cannot let the evil become happy and make Master sad!” With this thought, I have made it until today. I went to my son’s home and helped to take care of my granddaughter last year. It separated me from the environment of group study. Owing to living in a big city and lacking sufficient righteous thoughts to go out and tell people the truth about Falun Gong and save them, I was very anxious and, when I read articles by fellow practitioners about seizing minutes and seconds to save sentient beings, I felt that I did not deserve the title of “Dafa disciple”.
I began to work in a factory directed by a fellow practitioner last month and finally joined the whole body again. Master did not give up on me, his disappointing disciple, and still looked after and took care of me. Before very long a conflict arose between me and my boss. While it appeared that the factory director and the chief manager were wary of me and intended to give me hard time, it actually targeted my long-held attachment. But I looked at the situation with my sentient mind and could not let it go and I even thought of escaping from the conflict and leaving this environment.
I talked with my daughter and son about the situation I was in when I went home for the Mid Autumn holiday. My children saw my attachment as soon as they heard my story. They reminded me that things happen for a reason and I should calm down and look inward at myself. Just past eight o’clock last night, my daughter called me and asked me to calm my mind and look for the attachment. She suggested if I should increase my capacity and handle everything with tolerance. Why do others treat you that way? Why do you feel uneasy and unbalanced? Why do you have resentment in your heart? She even directly stated that it was “reputation” that I had been attached to for a long time. She also said, “What I have said to you today is not accidental. Seize the day and make progress.” Every sentence my daughter said was in the Fa and targeted my real problems. During the conversation, I already realized that the benevolent Master saw me as unenlightened and used my daughter’s mouth to tell me so. I reviewed my cultivation of more than a decade in which I fell down and stood up many times. Which fall was not owing to the attachment to reputation? I took reputation, rank and face as more important than anything else in my everyday job. I became an assistant coordinator after I practiced cultivation, and brought the everyday people’s “reputation” into cultivation, eventually making deep alterations through subtle changes. I even instructed some practitioners to go everywhere and share their experiences. It actually was the same as everyday people sharing their experiences. It made some practitioners grow in zealotry and showing off. The old forces took advantage of this opening and the practitioners got persecuted by the evils. The lessons were painful.
After working at the factory, the boss and I became good friends and practitioners. The employees saw that the boss respected me and naturally respect me very much. This confirms my long-held attachment to reputation, rank and face. If someone did not treat me as an important person, I would resent this person and would not talk to him or her. It was just as my daughter said, “You think it is the other who treats you so. Is it you yourself? Look inward and increase your capacity. Improving yourself is the most important!” I realized that my adhering to reputation is a complex thing which included many attachments when I dug deeper, such as the attachments to reputation, rank, face, jealousy, showing off, zealotry, thinking highly of myself, looking down at others, megalomania, cannot take grievance, cannot endure hardship, attachment to fairness and protecting myself, etc. What we cultivate is truthfulness, compassion and tolerance. Which one will not be tested in reputation? I found many attachments that evening. The next morning I met a worker in the factory. While chatting I consciously and unconsciously mentioned the conflict between me and the boss. There was resentment and grievance in my words. I wanted to get another person’s understanding and sympathy. I regretted it later. I realized that it was difficult to give up an attachment and it was even more difficult to abandon a long-held attachment! How can I get rid of it without experiencing a process that cuts the heart and pierces the bone?
Although I had further understanding about eliminating my long-held reputation and had found lots of other attachments, the pitiful thing was that I left that job, and many attachments that I should give up were not truly abandoned. I have only talked about reputation. Actually my attachment to feelings is worse especially due to the attachment to lust, I had a painful lesson. How can I follow Master and return home while holding a pile of attachments and desires? I had a dream that day. I carried a burden on my back and was ascending. I slid down carelessly and the burden dropped into the water below and was washed away. I watched and got worried. How could I climb up while carrying a big burden on my back? Wasn’t it clearly teaching me? I cannot be slack, apathetical and dispirited any more. I should become a diligent practitioner in Dafa cultivation, eliminate all attachments and follow Master to return home. This is my little shallow experience. Please correct me benevolently if there is anything wrong.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/139381