Looking Inward Experience
[PureInsight.org] Recently, I got an issue at work about deleting some extra data that I was unaware of. Since I didn’t take it seriously, I included some extra data without looking up previous figure classification result. Then the past three quarters’ results were all wrong. I felt so bad. But as a practitioner, I knew I should find the root of the error because Master told us in Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference, “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” I found several attachments after looking inward.
First one is the attachment to fear of losing face. When someone told me something wrong with that report, I went to check immediately and found two problems. The first problem was because of some extra data. However, I didn’t think it was totally my fault due to my first time doing it. The second problem was related to my attitude to work. I added an extra comma which was serious to this program because the program read the data depending on the comma. I was thinking about how to explain to my manager. Immediately I realized I was not facing my issue and it didn’t conform to "truthfulness, compassion, and forbearance". Then I looked inward and realized I should eliminate the attachment to fear of losing face as a practitioner. In the afternoon meeting, I talked about what I should say directly and frankly.
After that, I realized I liked showing off how serious I was in doing my job. In fact, I was not that serious at a lot of things. For example, I sometimes memorized the Fa very fast but not careful Fa study; just wanted to finish as soon as possible. It was counter-productive. Now I knew Master wanted me to take it seriously in memorizing the Fa through these problems. The same situation also happened in doing Dafa project, ordinary work and in my school time.
There were other attachments. For example, someone pointed out I had a problem. I was very frustrated without digging out why I had this problem.
One day, our project coordinator told me to attend a meeting because she was busy. I promised but didn’t attend the meeting due to not receiving the meeting notice.
Later, I received the phone call from the coordinator to ask why I didn’t attend the meeting. I told her I didn’t receive the meeting notice in my phone. After the conversion, I found I did receive the notice. Normally, I got a prompt through the phone for the new information. But this time, I didn’t notice it. What happened?
I thought I might have some attachment and looked inward. After looking back, I found the problem was I had a bias at the organizer of that meeting.
About a month ago, I participated in a project meeting every Saturday night. Since it was not convenient for me, I emailed the coordinator to see if we could change our schedule. However, he hasn’t given me any response until now. Although I was trying to eliminate these negative thoughts, I haven’t got rid of it fundamentally.
I checked the email during the meeting time and found no notification. Then I started to complain. I thought he didn’t tell me the password because he had a bias on me, etc. For sure, everything was imagined. The next day, I thought deeply why I had such a big grievance at this fellow practitioner? I realized, for each time whenever I thought something related to him, there was a bad image about that practitioner between my thought and the real me. I was driven by that image and couldn’t concentrate. After that, I found more attachments on myself such as I disliked someone; I was unhappy on something, etc. There would be a lure image between my human side and the real me. It would drive me away from the right track.
Recently I focused on eliminating it and got a better effect. Although I couldn’t see it, I could feel the interference in my thought. Then I cleaned up it by sending forth righteous thoughts.
Translated from http://www.zhengjian.org/node/155613