Reflect on My Twenty-Year Cultivation Experience

A Dafa Disciple in China

PureInsight | May 26, 2022


1.    Searching My Inner Self

I was a teacher and used to consider myself an atheist. During a vacation in 1983, seven of my classmates traveled to Mount Emei together and visited countless temples. Because I didn’t believe in gods, I said some outrageous words, which caused anger.

Just when my heart was arrogant, I was punished by invisible beings. I fell from a height and lost consciousness. At first, I only heard screeching and crying. Then the chaos disappeared shortly. I felt that I had a predestined connection with Buddha, so I couldn’t disrespect Buddha.

When I woke up, those crying and scolding appeared again, and I couldn't respond. I just thought that I didn’t believe in Buddha, how could I have a predestined relationship with Buddha? On the way down the mountain, I fell over again and broke my ankle. My fellow travelers really hated me, and everyone was overwhelmed with anxiety, but I was not in a hurry. Because when I fell, a voice said, “Don't worry. Someone will come to rescue you.” In the distance, a person really came and carried a backpack. I quickly greeted him and requested him to help me. He said he was here to back people. He asked me for two catties of food stamps and twenty yuan, for carrying me to a hospital down the mountain. The doctor seemed to have a grudge against me, twisting my foot so hard that I almost fainted from the pain. At that time, I regretted that I should not talk nonsense.

Many years have passed. In 1997, one day at my younger brother's house, my niece's ankle got broken too. On that day, I really wanted to read a book, as I could not stay tranquil. I went to the bookshelf of my brother's house, but there were no books of humanities, all of them were engineering books. I was so anxious that I blamed my younger brother for not possessing any books of humanities. My mother asked me, “What did you say?” I said, “I wanted to read books, but there were no books that I needed.” I did not intend to read Qi Gong books of other schools. I've never felt this desire to read books, and neither was I the kind of person who loved to learn, how could I be so anxious?

My mother had her rheumatism cured after doing Falun Gong exercises, which was a miracle! The teachings sounded right, but I got a bit lost due to the negative impacts of atheism. Later, my mom and I went to a school to watch Master’s video lectures. In the course of watching the video, the corns on my feet felt very painful. After we went back home, the corns had gone. From then on I decided to learn Dafa with my mom. We cooperated with fellow practitioners and spent all public holidays spreading the Fa. The number of people who took up the practice increased rapidly in dozens of nearby counties. Over two years’ time, Falun Gong assistant centers had been established.

Since the onset of the persecution of Dafa, we went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. At that stage, my motivation was originated from my gratitude for and reliance of Master. It was a bit hard to comprehend what cultivating was about. In the face of persecution, I was only aware that Master and Dafa were good, but outlawed by Chinese Communist government. Over twenty practitioners in my local area left truth-clarification letters to households, workplaces and the local government before we went to Beijing to appeal for Dafa. We reckoned that we should tell the facts about Dafa to the local government and policemen. Once they’d known that we were good people, they would stop the crackdown. Unexpectedly, we were arrested and wrongly sentenced.

Because Dafa is the most righteous law, it has been persecuted by CCP. We could never expect to change the evil, but only to have it eliminated. We realized that we should never acknowledge the wicked party, nor should we hold any illusions about CCP.

The competitive mentality was incurred by party culture, so I was against the perpetrators. When the officials tried to persuade me to transform, I told them, “Please don’t interfere with my belief. I’m not a bad person.” When the local 610 officials came, I said, “Your office is overriding the entire judicial system. I don’t want to talk to you.” When policemen came to the dormitory in the prison, I said, “I’ve the right to let you leave.” The policeman asked me, “Do you know where the place is?” I said, “I’m aware that this is a prison.” Then he asked me, “Do you want to act as Liu Hulan?” I seemed to experience a harsh political campaign.

The twenty-year experience allowed me to gradually understand the connotations of cultivation. Cultivating the inner self is the course of cultivation. We should discard all postnatal notions and the attachment to fake self. Only then can we go back home with Master. When attachments touched, we should endeavor to sacrifice them by practicing forbearance. In the past, I always searched outside myself rather than inside. Even I reckoned that my tolerance had been beyond my limitation! My competitive mentality, resentment and jealousy had surfaced, but I just made a complaint. Actually, when the conflict was brought to the surface, I should be able to realize that someone was helping with my cultivation. I should feel thankful!

Master said in Zhuan Falun, “When one’s Buddha-nature emerges, it will shake ‘the world of ten directions.’ Whoever sees it will come to give a hand and help this person out unconditionally.”

I got enlightened that people around us were to help us with cultivation. Some people assisted me to find my shortcomings, whilst some persecuted me. In these circumstances, Master will judge whether I can succeed in cultivation or not. Gradually, I came to understand that the entire human society is a large practice site and started to stay tranquil and truly cultivate.

As I was imprisoned too long, I was unable to deny the old forces totally. Before I was released, a couple of policewomen asked me, “You’d been imprisoned for nearly ten years; never practiced exercises, nor did you fall sick. Is it possible that you can stop doing Falun Gong exercises and will not get sick again after you’re released?” I told her, “My illnesses were not cured by doing the exercises.” She then got excited and said to me, “All detained practitioners claimed that Falun Gong had their illnesses healed. Please let me know your case quickly.” I said, “Cultivating is not to strengthen physical fitness. When you feel ill, you’re unable to cultivate. Only when my Master eliminated my illness, can I start to practice. I don’t betray my Master, so the sickness will not be returned to me and I stay healthy.”

They kept silent for a little while and raised the second question, “Do you have a hot temper?” I answered them hastily, “Yes, I do.” She said, “During your imprisonment, we’ve never seen you losing your temper with either policewomen or inmates. We don’t have any records.” I said, “I’m fully aware of the truth about Falun Gong, whilst you’re not. Who am I angry with?” I felt satisfied with my response to the policewomen. However something unexpected occurred. Shortly after I went back home, I lost my temper with a fellow practitioner. I realized that my resentment had not been dispelled. In regards to ten-year imprisonment, how come my temper did not emerge in prison?

One time I walked down the street and saw a Mom beating her child. The child kept crying and shouting and chasing after his mother. I began to understand at once: the child did not care about his mother because he tacitly acknowledged that his mother had the right to beat him; Students do not argue the teacher because they reckoned that the teacher had the right to educate and scold them. I had no troubles with the prisoners and the police for many years, had I tacitly agreed that they had the right to persecute me, or at least I had not completely denied the old forces?

When I recollected my imprisonment, the things were really like this. In custody I reckoned that as long as all the detained practitioners gave zero confession, we would not be sentenced. By thinking so, was I acknowledging that the police had the judicial right to sentence us? Was I accepting the persecution? No wonder I was sentenced heavily. In prison, the police asked me for the first time, “When do you want to go home?” I got confused and responded, “I was kidnapped by you. I would go home when you set me free.” For the second time, the police raised the same question. I said, “Just see how things will go.” For the third time, they asked me again, “When do you want to go home?” I felt impatient and wanted to express my determination to not transform, so I said, “At the age of fifty.” When turning fifty, I will fully serve the term. The police felt irritated and said, “Why you are not self-confident?” I got stunned and could not figure it out. Now I became clear-headed, so I begged Master’s assistance. I sent forth righteous thoughts to completely drive out the old force’s interferences.

After a while, I had a very clear dream: I went to the principal and requested to invigilate this year. As soon as the principal agreed, he handed over a list like a paper invoice to me, and said, “This is the invigilator list. Please take it to Exams Affairs Committee tomorrow.” I unzipped the small bag I was carrying, put the list in carefully, and left.

On the following day, I turned up and ran into many teachers. It was crowded in the site. The principal said, “Someone is also working as an invigilator today. She is earnest too.” I responded to him right away, “Yes, I’m. As an invigilator, I haven’t made any mistakes.” Suddenly, the principal's facial expression changed and said to me, “Take out your arrest warrant. We will arrest you today.” I asked, “What sort of arrest warrant?” He said, “That was the one I gave you yesterday.” I opened the zipper and took out the list. Before I could see what was written on it, I tore up the list. To my surprise, such a small list had been torn for a long time, with scraps of paper piled up on the ground. At that moment, I felt that someone said that I tore up the contract and agreement with the old forces. I saw the principal and all teachers staring at me, and I woke up and knew clearly that I had broken my contract with the old forces.

2. Supernormal Principles Guide Me Through the Divine Path

Master pointed us to the path of cultivation, looking after us every single moment. An ordinary person’s life is birth, old age, sickness and death. In contrast, genuine cultivators just need to purify themselves, discard human desires, so as to ascend to higher levels. Master has taught the supernormal laws and principals of the Fa to us. Under Master’s compassionate care, we’ve taken the divine path. We’re being transformed by the gong 24 hours a day.

If we act in the new cosmos by following the old principles, do we act like the heavenly demons? Whatever we encountered have close links with our cultivation. In the course of cultivation, we should regard ourselves as true cultivators, mindful of every thought and notion and attend to things righteously. Regardless of good or bad things, you can truly step forward out of humanness.

During the crackdown, Chinese government and CCP officials at all levels in our city, from the deputy secretary of the municipal party committee, the director of publicity, etc., to the school leaders, spent a lot of time attempting to transform me, by all means. For a period of time, they used official cars sent me to watch cultural programs and draw birthday cakes. Also, the deputy secretary of the Political and Legal Affairs Committee recognized me as a sister. Moreover, the Public Security Bureau wanted to start a friendship with me. Officials of all levels followed me closely. Even my relatives and friends were instigated to change my thought.

One afternoon, I was attending a meeting. Suddenly someone called and told me that a practitioner was arrested. Without any notions, I rushed over to the municipal public security bureau myself and asked them, “Why did you arrest a practitioner?” They told me, “Because she gave out Falun Gong CDs.” I requested, “I have not had my meal, but I turned up here hastily. Why did you wrongly arrest my fellow practitioner? I need to meet up with her.” They responded, “All right, we can invite you to a meal. But you’ll not be allowed to meet with her.” I said, “I can have a meal here, but I request her to eat with me.” Then my fellow practitioner was allowed to have a meal with me at the canteen in Public Security Bureau. I requested to bring the detained practitioner back home after meal. But the policemen still had other questions to ask her. They could not interrogate her in my presence, but they could do this privately. I had no other options but said to them, “I could go to 610 office with you, and I would wait for that practitioner there.” Then I was sent to 610 office, with a few policemen accompanying me. I urged them to set the practitioner free hourly by making phone calls. It was not until midnight that my fellow practitioner was released. Then 610 staff sent me back home. It was amazing!

I took two psychological tests in prison. One day, the police officer who was in charge of the test came to me and said that she wanted to have a good talk with me, but she never mentioned "Falun Gong" during the conversation. Over many hours, we did not take meals and I did not feel confident. Everyone talked to me about Falun Gong. Why was she an exception? When the conversation was over, she excitedly said to me, “I want to tell you one thing. I have to tell you that you’ve very good mental health. Both of your test indexes point reached the highest, and no one else has reached that. Actually, I’m not permitted to disclose this information to prisoners, but I will make an exception for you today. To tell you the truth, it was generally assumed that Falun Gong practitioners were not psychologically healthy at all. How can you reach such a high index? So I suspect that tests were designed unscientifically. That’s why I need to verify this with you in person. The results are beyond my expectations. Let me tell you, these test questions are developed scientifically and accurate. You’re very mentally healthy, and I want to chat with you in the future. Would you like that?” I said yes. On the surface, the police officer did not abide by their rules. In fact, my cultivation state gave her strength to interact with me positively.

Owing to persecution, I lost my job and worked outside my hometown. Mom said to me, “Please quit your job and go home to take care of me. My health is getting worse. I will hand over my bank passbook to you.” A few days later, I quitted my job, and my mother happily called my younger brother in front of me and said, "Your sister quitted her job and came to pick us up. I'll give my salary passbook to you." He replied to Mom, “You can give it to my sister.” Mom said: “I will not give this to her.” He asked, “Why?” Mom replied, “I don’t think she can manage the passbook properly.”

I got shocked to hear her comment. Mom was not usually like this; she was not dizzy yet. I should abolish the attachment to personal gains. Mom handed over the passbook to my brother, who did not want to accept it and gave it to his younger brother. I spent my own income looking after Mom. My brothers came to see her quite often. Mom was hospitalized five times in half a year. I had been taking care of her without complaint. Getting dirty and tired was nothing. I thought that my mother also took care of me when I was a child. I had to wash my mother's body every day. Fortunately, my brothers gave me a hand.

One day, my younger brother requested Mom to sell the house to him. He would not make payment, while he could only go through the transferring procedure. I reckoned that the house would be given to him. Pushing my mother in a wheelchair, my younger brother, sister-in-law and I finished off the procedure. I had no idea about the inheritance of the house. Although my two brothers had sufficient houses, I had been imprisoned for many years. Now my son is working; my original welfare housing has long since been taken back, so we had no house. Despite this, I still told my son that we don’t have to fight for anything. We can work, rent a house, or apply for low-rent housing. My son agreed with me.

One day, my relative questioned my Mom, “Your daughter has taken good care of you. Why you refused to give her the passbook and the house?” Mom said, “She’s unable to manage money and property appropriately. My son should inherit the house, whilst my daughter had been the water poured out.” My relative was so angry that she scolded my mother for being a fool. I quickly pulled her aside and said, "It's a tradition to give property to son. Didn't you give your house to your son? As my Mom felt sick, let her feel at ease and don't make her angry.” But a few days later, my brother suddenly took several agreements and said: “The house is still to be inherited by my sister. I have written the agreement.” Then he requested my mother and all three of us to sign and fingerprint. During the whole process, I was in a state of inaction. There was no resentment, no excitement, and no joy. Everything came over calmly.

A few days later, my mother passed away peacefully. My mother has stomach cancer, which was advanced, but it didn’t hurt. She felt painful only once in half a year, which lasted about ten minutes. The doctor said it would hurt, and many people also said that stomach cancer would make you feel painful. But it didn't hurt severely and she left quietly on Christmas Eve. I knew very well that my mother has practiced Falun Gong for 20 years. As she was illiterate, she was unable to understand the Fa. But she believed that Master has taken away her illness, and she has stayed healthy for 20 years. So she only believed in physical fitness, not cultivation.

She did not hold that people could fly to the sky. But she believed that human beings will definitely die, so she bought a cemetery in advance. She played mahjong from time to time, treating cultivation as a physical exercise. For this reason, she had to follow the principle of human society of birth, aging, sickness and death. She told me that she felt satisfied. Her past body ailments were cured by Master in a short period of time. She had not taken medicine for 20 years and stayed healthy. She was very grateful! During her illness, she kept reciting Dafa is good, and studying the Fa. Sometimes I read Master’s Fa teaching to her. So she passed away quietly on Christmas Eve.

My mother-in-law who is also cultivating, experienced something amazing. At one time, she felt down at the age of 89 and could not move. Then she was sent to hospital and diagnosed as having late cerebral infarction. When she woke up from a coma, she said that she was not sick and did not want to be hospitalized, so her family had to carry her home. After three days, she was able to walk and go outside. Her legs and feet were more flexible than before; she is 90 years old this year, and fell down again this month. She was diagnosed as having a lumbar fracture, which will take about a year to recover. But she was not hospitalized. It had been fifteen days since she fell down and I visited her. She was able to walk down the ground with ease, and she was now feeling well. These experiences are extraordinary.

3. Don’t Concentrate on Qigong Terminology

At the beginning stage, I found Dafa books very good. But I just held on to some perceptual understanding. I learned a lot of laws and principles of the Fa, but I did not truly step into the cultivation state.  

One day, I asked a fellow practitioner, “How do you view the issue of stealing Qi and collecting Qi?” She replied, “Qigong is just like this. I’ve practiced some Qigong, which talks about stealing Qi and collecting Qi.” She seemed to nearly focus on Qigong terminologies. I became suddenly alert and said, “Don’t talk about qigong. We should practice only one cultivation way.” Master said in Zhuan Falun, “Some people even concentrate their research in qigong terminology. There is nothing there to study. In the past, it was just called cultivation practice.” What is cultivation? Isn’t it about raising our Xinxing level? I got enlightened that stealing Qi is a degenerate thing. We cultivate among everyday people, so we should not say something to create conflicts or say something improper. Collecting Qi is to harm other people in person, such as swearing, beating, and robbing. Master said in Zhuan Falun, “If you don’t believe it, we can conduct an experiment. If a person really wants to steal your qi, you can stand there and let him steal it. You can focus your mind on filling your body with qi from the universe here while he is stealing your qi behind you. You will see what a good deal it is, as it will help you speed up your body purification, and you will not have to fill up and discharge qi from your body.” Then I realized that when I was hurt by others, I should behave according to a cultivator’s Xinxing standards. When I tolerate something upsetting, I sacrifice. By doing so, Master will help me speed up my body purification.

Also, Master said in Zhuan Falun, “The Buddha School and the Tao School are orthodox schools, not because the characteristic of the universe conforms to their practices, but because the practices of both the Buddha School and the Tao School observe the characteristic of the universe. If the Qimen School’s cultivation practice also complies with the characteristic of the universe, it is not an evil practice, but a righteous school as well. This is because the criterion for discerning good or bad and benevolence or evil is the characteristic of the universe.” This Fa teaching made me enlightened. If the way we think conforms to the characteristic of the universe, we’re cultivating the righteous law. If the way we think does not comply with the Zhen-Shan-Ren, perhaps we’re doing evil practice unknowingly.

It is therefore when we study the Fa, we should try to understand the connotations, not just the literal meaning. When cultivating in reality, we should not just examine other’s shortcomings. Instead, we need to truly cultivate in the orthodox school.

Dafa has boundless connotations. It has always been a great pleasure to practice Dafa. I feel proud of this indeed.

Please kindly point out anything that is not aligned with the Fa.


Chinese version:





Add new comment