Why I Used To Be Self-Critical and What I Am Proud of Now

A Dafa Disciple in China

PureInsight | July 12, 2013

[PureInsight.org] Ever since I was young, I had a direct manner and did not know how to pay compliments to others. My parents were very worried that this blunt approach would hinder me from obtaining a good position in society. Therefore the education that accompanied my growth was centred on teaching me how to work toward making others feel appreciated and how to decipher others’ intentions. All of this annoyed me and I was an unwilling participant. My grades were always good. Every time my family saw my grades they would always sympathize that although I had such good grades, I was too straightforward and foolish, so it would be hard for me to succeed in the future. This society does not like people who act dutifully and are honest. They always talked to me about how dangerous and evil society is and that only if one uses sweet words, knows how to speak eloquently, and makes timely judgments that cater to one’s superiors can one attain what they wish. I often rebutted that what they did was selfish and cunning and could not be considered righteous. My rebuttals often received more criticisms. When they saw me, relatives and friends would always say that my eyes reflected foolishness. When I heard those words, I would retreat into myself and be at a loss for words. Gradually and unconsciously I became self-critical. I would look at myself in the mirror and ask, “Why do others see foolishness in my eyes?”

My grades were always among the top in my class and I successfully attended college and graduate school. Being a girl from the countryside where money is scarce, I almost didn’t want to spend my parent’s money to complete my education. Every time I went home during winter or summer vacation, fellow villagers would raise their voice when they saw me and say, “Nowadays college students aren’t worth any money, they can’t find jobs and don’t make as much as farm workers do.” When I was listening, I knew they meant that I wasn’t the type of person they considered to be smart. Whenever friends and relatives saw me at home, they would try to teach me to be slick and sly and two-faced. When they saw my stubbornness, they would regretfully say, “Only having knowledge alone makes it hard to find a good job.” I also felt lost listening to their words. But I didn’t like their advice on how to conduct oneself in society. Was there really no way out for me in this society?!

Not being eloquent and not being good at dressing myself well, I was often ridiculed. I got used to it when I heard a lot of it. My self-criticism meant I would walk on the small roads where fewer people walked. I did not like attention and did not expect to be famous.

After graduating from graduate school, I successfully entered a company that was in the top one hundred internationally. This free and respectful working environment was like attending college where I worked and studied happily every day. I was not laughed at for dressing plain or criticised for being clumsy with my use of language. My self-criticism was not magnified in this type of environment and I worked carefully and quietly. Fortunately I read the precious book Zhuan Falun and then came to know what is really good and what is really bad. I understood that I should follow “Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance” in conducting myself. I understood that I had a happy life and my self-criticism was incorrect. The principles that I maintained were not wrong.

After becoming a mother, I educated my children with the principles of Dafa to make them become “Truthful, Compassionate, Tolerant” babies. Both of them are well behaved, smart, and lovely and know to respect elders. The older sister and little brother are friendly to each other and know to share. Together we have memorized Master’s Hong Yin. My daughter’s xinxing improved very fast as she was reciting. When playing with her little brother, she would always think about him first and knew to be tolerant. When my son was learning to speak, he could recite Master’s poems in Hong YinTempering the Will,” “Predestination,” and “Abiding in the Dao.” My daughter lived with my father-in-law and mother-in-law in my hometown before she was three years old and then lived with me. At that time, I started to study the Fa with her. My son was luckier as during my pregnancy with him I diligently studied the Fa. After he was born, I kept reciting the Fa to him. Both babies grew up healthily and happily with me.

During the New Year I went to visit my father-in-law. He told me angrily that he had disagreements over the way I educated my children. I hadn’t visited my hometown for a long time, so he did not fully express his anger and I also faced it with silence. He did not agree with not letting kids watch TV because he thought that it would make them miss out on a lot of educational knowledge. During the Chinese New Year my father-in-law came to visit us. This time, he seemed to be prepared. When I did not let the kids watch the New Year Gala on television, he harshly said, “I see the consequences of your education. In the future those two kids will definitely be stepped on by others. I am very angry at you! Look at the foolish looks on their faces!” I was not mentally prepared so I was choked by his anger. After quietly listening to him finish, I peacefully told him, “Dad, if the kids are bullied for being compassionate in the future, it will not bring shame on me as their mother. Rather, if my kids step on other people for their own gain, that will bring me shame and also misfortune to the family.” But my father-in-law kept repeating, “This is a society in which people eat each other and kind people are bullied everywhere.” He did not agree with my way of raising the children. He admired the children in his hometown that understood everything and strived after everything. I understood his feelings and also knew that many friends educated their children like that. In his eyes I could see that his pride in the family had been affected by how I was raising my children. My mother-in-law was beside me listening to us talk. She carefully told my father-in-law that she agreed with me about using “Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance” to educate the children. She told him that she’d witnessed the huge changes in me from my cultivation of Falun Dafa during the past three years, saying that without Dafa and Master, there would not be happiness in this family. She said that all members of our family needed to thank Dafa and Master and she tried to stop my father-in-law from continuing.

During the Chinese New Year elders always wish for good fortune. Seeing my father-in-law’s solemn mood, my mother-in-law didn’t bother him. I boiled tea for them and explained the beauty of Dafa and my experience of cultivating Dafa. I apologized to my father-in-law, letting him know that I did not really mean to make him unhappy. I explained to him that I didn’t let the children watch those television programs because they are full of violence, lies, and lust. Their clean minds would be polluted. I did not isolate the kids though; I let them watch Shen Yun, and the New Tang Dynasty Television programs “You-You Chinese Characters,” and “How Wonderful Are Chinese Characters.” I let them learn about traditional culture and told them about conducting oneself according to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance. After watching Shen Yun, they would be influenced by its high artistic standards. No mainland Chinese television programs can have such a positive educational effect. My manner was so sincere with my father-in-law that he had a smile on his face. Although he was unable to rebuke my viewpoint he still disagreed with what I said. I told him with honesty that what he said about how I educated my children was also what my parents had said in the past. They all worried that my straightforwardness and foolishness prevented me from having a position in society. I did not grow up becoming two-faced as my parents had wanted, but I was also not unsuccessful. I am recognized as a kind person at my work place. I follow what Master has taught and don’t compete with others or gain by force. The benefits that I was supposed to have were not only not reduced but increased because of cultivating Falun Dafa. I understood how to be a genuinely good person and became broad-minded. The happiness I felt was indescribable because I did not have the concern that most people have of being happy or worried over profits. My life was filled with gratefulness.

My mother-in-law told me that my father-in-law was a member of the teen division of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and asked me to convince him to quit. My father-in-law started to insist that due to his age, quitting took place automatically, and because of that he hadn’t belonged to the CCP for many years. Then I went onto PureInsight.org to find articles written by fellow practitioners to read to him and my mother-in-law. I told my father-in-law that the CCP is the real evil religion and demon and they use the cruellest means to first make people not believe in divine beings and then not believe in the consequences of making an oath. People then mistakenly think that making an oath is merely a formality and there is nothing significant about it. But that type of poisonous oath will bring scary consequences to oneself. Master gave people this opportunity to be rid of it out of compassion. Eventually my father-in-law pleasantly agreed to formally quit the evil CCP.

I read Zhuan Falun to my father-in-law and my mother-in-law whenever I had the opportunity. My father-in-law saw that my mother-in-law sat and listened quietly next to me, so he sat next to the computer and also started to listen. He stayed with me for a total of eight days and I kept reading Master’s lectures to him. Usually my throat would be husky after saying only a few words. But these days, Master was supporting me so that I could continue reading aloud for one or two hours (my father-in-law’s ears were a little deaf). Although my throat was dry and itchy, I continued to read after a small pause. The night before he left, he said to me that he knew Dafa is good, but one has to learn to lower one’s head in this totalitarian country. I suggested he get in touch with people who cultivate Falun Dafa in his hometown more often and not to always refuse their good intentions (a practitioner often clarified the truth to him but my father-in-law argued him away every time). My mother-in-law told my father-in-law that she was touched by me and did not want to leave. Even though she resolved twice to go back home with him, she felt living with me was better every time she visited. So this time she decided she was not going back with him and let him return home alone. I know when my mother-in-law goes back home, she does not fit into the conversations of the townspeople who talk about money and extramarital affairs every day. During the past two years she has almost always stayed with us, listening to me and the children recite the Fa and to the Tianyin Jingyue music (Heavenly Sound and Clean Music). She also watches Shen Yun with us. Her body and mind changed dramatically. She knew that living with us brought her a beautiful life and a peaceful mood.

I used to be self-critical because I maintained a state of kindness; now I am proud because I maintain a state of kindness. Being Master’s disciple is the pride and fortune of my life.

Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/116971


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