PureInsight | April 5, 2015
[PureInsight.org] In the past three years, my symptoms of Hemorrhoids blood in the stool and colitis became worse. I knew that this was very abnormal and there must have been some problem in my cultivation. However searching back and forth, I couldn’t find where the problem lied. Generally speaking, though I was diligent enough in doing the three things, how could my body be undergone such serious persecution? I shared with fellow practitioners many times – “Don’t acknowledge the persecution”, or “benevolent solutions”, or “eliminate with righteous thoughts” – none of these had any effect. In my heart I had a feeling of helplessness.
Before the New Year, when I was reading sharings from fellow practitioners on Minghui and Zhengjian, I looked within once more, as well as asked Master for help. At this time, I suddenly remembered: it was actually a few unintentional words I said a few years back that had caused this damage.
I was clarifying the truth to a stranger. At the time, I wasn’t speaking very fluently; I had a slight bit of fear in my heart. He looked at me and said, “Do you practice Falun Gong?” After he asked this, I grew even more afraid. I thought, “Is he a plain-cloths policeman?” At once, my heartbeat accelerated and my confidence got worse. I quickly blurted out, “I don’t practice. Though I have a friend of mine who does...”
Not long afterwards, lots of problems starting appearing in my body, such as Hemorrhoids blood in the stool and colitis symptoms. It was this one sentence of mine that invited persecution onto my body. This was a huge gap. The old forces had latched onto a handle: since you clearly stated “I don’t practice”, then fine - if you don’t practice you are an ordinary person. Ordinary people have illnesses; you must be responsible for your debts in history.
This sentence is definitely not small matter. It doesn’t matter whether the old forces are exploiting our gaps. For a cultivator facing the test of life and death, one must show adamantine faith in Master and the Fa to pass. I found that behind this sentence was not only fear, but a strong sense of self; this was very far from the standard set for lives in the new universe. How could I save people carrying these kinds of attachments? From this, one could see just how unsound my cultivation was. The wisdom used in clarifying the truth is not in disguising oneself as an ordinary person in order to feel safe. At crucial times when Dafa clashes with our human attachments, we must take a step forward! The difference between a human and a god is just this one thought.
During these three years, it was this substance of fear that led me to say this sentence that I absolutely should not have said. Fear is the boundary between a human and a God! The root of fear is selfishness. Because of selfishness, we wish to protect ourselves and covet comfort and ease, which gives rise to lust and desire as well as competitiveness, the attachment to showing off, etc. These attachments are all connected with each other.
Through this matter, I realized why my interference at home was so big and why my illness karma never ceased. That one sentence was the surface - the selfishness behind the heart of fear was the root.
In writing this article, I wish to solemnly declare: I declare null and void this one sentence that I had once said! I would also like to repent to Master. At the same time, I will eradicate all traces of fear and selfishness within me. This is my personal understanding, and please compassionately correct anything inappropriate. Heshi!