Sharing from the Heart: Notions Behind the Fear of Being Criticized

Lian Zi

PureInsight | November 2, 2010

[] My son often contradicted me in front of his wife by asking if I found my life “exhausting.”

“You mind everything. You can’t let go of anything,” he said. I felt wronged and held a grudge against him.

While racking my brains in planning his wedding, my son again contradicted me. I said, “I do this for your own good.”

He replied, “You don’t do this for my own good at all. You do this for yourself. You hold onto your stubborn notions and are unwilling to give them up. I contradict you because you never correct yourself.”

As I busily prepared the wedding ceremony, I was indeed affected by my emotions. From my heart, I wanted the ceremony to be perfect and was afraid of upsetting some people and of being criticized because of some oversight. I became swamped in ordinary people’s concerns and forgot the three things Dafa disciples should do.

But, our benevolent Master used my son’s words to drop me a hint and awaken me to letting go of notions and other human attachments. Still, I didn’t get it and kept harboring a grudge.

What kind of cultivation was I practicing? I pondered, I had been cultivating for more than 10 years yet still held tightly to my attachments of emotion and couldn’t let go. Moreover, I was afraid of being criticized and only wanted to hear pleasant words. How could it be okay if I didn’t discard these attachments? My son’s words made me want to dig out the roots.

Looking back on my life, I realized attachments to emotion had been formed in the human world. As a kid, I was afraid of being criticized. Thus my parents never blamed me, nor threatened physical punishment. My mother often said I was so sensitive she wouldn’t dare blame me because I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

At my job, I worked very hard and handled everything carefully because I was afraid of criticism from management and coworkers. This kind of thinking became deeply ingrained and escaped notice. Even while cultivating, I still held this thought. Whatever I did, I made every effort to be perfect, just to avoid criticism. When others said I did a great job, I was glad. On the contrary, when others said unpleasant words, I couldn’t take it.

I still remember three years ago when several local practitioners were arrested by the evil gang of scoundrels. All of those practitioners looked within. I was told that back then, as the local coordinator, our group had walked a path arranged by the old forces. At the time, I hadn’t taken notice, nor paid attention to looking within. Instead, I brooded for a long time and blamed my fellow practitioners for judging me wrong. Now, looking back, indeed, I had mixed my human notions into the way I did things and brought communist party culture into my cultivation. As a result, the evil took advantage and interfered with me.

Everything in cultivation is not coincidental. Everything targets cultivators’ human attachments and offers opportunities to improve our Xinxing. It is all up to you. If you can look within and find your attachments hidden below the surface, you could improve passing any test. However, if you don’t look within and continue to hold onto your notions, you will never be able to improve.

I enlightened that Master teaches us Fa principles over and over to help us let go of our human notions, but we didn’t do well. It is time for us to resolve this problem. We must look within to dig out our fundamental attachments, find the notions behind them, and eliminate them completely. This is the most basic requirement for a Dafa practitioner.

Please kindly point out if my words are not in line with the Fa.


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