PureInsight | March 24, 2013
[PureInsight.org] Upon reflecting on the past 13 years of my cultivation, I realized that I have been stumbling in confusion most of the time. Why do I say this? It is because although I’ve studied the Fa and performed the exercises over these past 13 years, the moment I put down the book and walk into the ordinary world, I have been like an ordinary person. Sometimes I was even worse than an ordinary person. In Zhuan Falun Master said, “If you don’t believe it, just look at how when some people go out of this auditorium after our class, they turn back into ordinary people, and if anybody upsets them or steps on their toes they won’t put up with it.” I realized I was exactly the person Master was describing.
Whether I was at home or at work, I was always like this. As soon as I came across a conflict I didn’t have any compassion whatsoever—much less did I look inwards. I always complained about others and put the blame on them. Sometimes the conflicts at home became very severe.
Master also said a long time ago in Zhuan Falun: “You just have to cultivate inward, you can’t look outward for help.” I also read lots of experience sharing articles on Clearwisdom about looking inward. I also knew deep down that looking inward was the most effective way to solve problems and improve myself. However, once I came across a conflict, I had the habit of always looking outward. If my views conflicted with others’, I was inclined to contest why I was right and they were wrong. Even if I didn’t verbally argue, I didn’t let it go inside. Sometimes I would still think about how the other person was wrong even after a very long time.
Two years ago in November, I realized that my cultivation state was lacking and that I must quickly turn it around. After some careful thinking, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t studying the Fa well enough. I thus set a goal to memorize Zhuan Falun again (I had stopped earlier because I thought it was too difficult). It’s been one and a half years since then. Although I haven’t memorized that much, I am still persisting. Even with thoughts of how difficult it is, and wanting to memorize it faster, I do not give up, even if I only memorize one small paragraph on a given day. I memorize the Fa in my office while students are studying, and while walking to and from work. I sometimes even recite the Fa I memorized that day right before I go to sleep. I clearly felt lots of attachments disintegrating. Gradually, I was able to control myself in the face of conflicts and look inward to find my shortcomings.
I used to have a great feeling of resentment towards others. If anyone harmed or bullied me I would dislike that person. I’d feel uncomfortable just looking at that person. When the conflicts became severe, I would grind my teeth at them in hatred. Now this feeling of resentment has become much weaker. When it surfaces, I can realize it immediately and reject and suppress it. If I’m having a difficult time suppressing it, I repeatedly recite this passage of Fa: “Since people have emotion… being angry is emotion, being happy is emotion, love is emotion, and hatred is emotion, enjoying doing something is an emotion, not enjoying doing something is an emotion, your thinking someone is nice or someone isn’t nice, your loving to do something or not loving to do something—everything is emotion, and ordinary people just live for emotion. Then if you’re a practitioner, a higher person, you can’t use this logic to evaluate things, and you need to break out of this stuff. So there are a lot of attachments that are derived from emotion, and we have to really care less about them, and at some point finally let go of them all” (Zhuan Falun).
Whenever the attachments of jealousy and looking down on others surface, I repeatedly recite: “Jealousy is very serious, because it directly impacts whether we can cultivate to Perfection. If jealousy isn’t eliminated, all the thoughts you’ve cultivated become fragile. There’s a rule: a person who doesn’t get rid of jealousy while cultivating cannot achieve a True Fruition—he definitely won’t achieve a True Fruition. Maybe you’ve heard people say that Buddha Amitabha mentioned going to Heaven with karma. But that won’t happen if you don’t get rid of jealousy. You could fall a little short in some other way, go to Heaven with a little karma, and cultivate further. That’s possible. But that’s definitely not possible if you don’t get rid of your jealousy. Today I’m telling practitioners: stop turning a blind eye to your problem. Your goal is to cultivate up to higher levels, so you have to get rid of jealousy” (Zhuan Falun).
Whenever attachments of fame, fortune, and power arise, I immediately calm myself and silently recite “Success at Consummation” from Hong Yin and “Cultivators’ Avoidances” from Essentials for Further Advancement.
After over a year of Fa memorization, I have deeply experienced that studying the Fa well is the key to looking inwards. Only when one has the Fa in one’s heart and constantly uses it to guide one’s thoughts and actions can one remain clear in cultivation, find one’s shortcomings in the face of conflicts, and eliminate one’s attachments.
Translated from: http://www.zhengjian.org/node/114409