Cultivating while Married to a Non-Practitioner

A Western Practitioner

PureInsight | May 13, 2007

[]  I
obtained the Fa in June 1998 and found that, finally, this is what I
had been waiting for all my many lives on earth. I could not stop
studying the Fa and reading all the lectures for hours at a time. My
husband did not object to my cultivation in Falun Dafa but he himself
did not become a practitioner.

I was married for 21 years, but our relationship was not good. We
argued a lot and stayed together for the sake of our daughter who was
not yet grown and on her own. Our household was not harmonious and we
both felt a great sadness over the situation.

I was continually promoted in my job and making very good money. I
decided that I could not stand to be married so unhappily. We discussed
this and, with much crying and sadness, decided to divorce. The divorce
was very amicable. We had accumulated several properties and my husband
was prepared to fight for his share of our joint property and
possessions. But I did not want to keep anything, even my grandmother's
things that had been given to me by my mother. He could have them all.
I did not want anything.

Even though we could not live together, I still trusted him above
everyone else. He took a lot of time helping me to find property to
build a house. I built a nice house about an hour away from where I
used to live. My daughter was sad about our divorce and it took her a
long time to become reconciled to it.

About a year after I moved into my new house, I was laid off from my
job. The old forces took advantage of my attachments and left me with
no income for almost two years. I used investments and savings to
survive during that time.

The turning point came one day when I completely opened my heart to my
former husband. I realized I had harbored great anger toward him. One
day we were talking on the phone and I told him that I took complete
responsibility for our divorce. In the past, I would blame him and this
usually turned into an intense argument which would end in angry
silence. When I finally took responsibility for my own attachments in
our marriage, our relationship suddenly improved and became as easy as
it had been in the first years of our marriage.  

We began to talk more and became friends once again. I found a job in
another state. I moved and found a practitioner there with whom I could
discuss this. I felt I had done wrong to divorce and wanted to fix it.
This practitioner listened and suggested ways to gradually re-establish
a good relationship and possibly remarry.

Finally, after seven years I decided to discuss remarriage with my
former husband. I could tell from his words and attitude that he also
was considering this. Almost every practitioner that I discussed this
with agreed that this was the right thing to do. One practitioner told
me what he had seen with his celestial eye. He said he saw my husband
as a jingang, a Buddha's warrior attendant, bright and powerful. I was

I had gradually come to understand that my husband may have come down
with me when I vowed to assist Teacher in Fa rectification. Even while
we were divorced, my husband would help me. He drove me to the airport
when I attended Fa conferences. He watched my house when I was away. He
listened to my concerns. When I reflected on what the practitioner saw,
I realized this might be the case.

My husband has ADD (attention deficit disorder) which has given him
great pain all his life. It has hurt him that this psychological
disorder prevented him from doing things to his full capacity. He is
actually very well educated and capable. But the practitioner noted
that the old forces might have done this to make my husband feel less
than a man and incapable of taking care of his family. A jingang would
feel very capable in attending a Buddha.

We are now considering remarriage and things are very harmonious
between us. I know it is the right thing to do. Only when I recognized
my responsibility did things turn around. I now realize that I need to
act with restraint and compassion with my husband. I feel he wants to
fulfill his mission in supporting me. Only when I reach my true home
will I know for sure my husband's role in Fa rectification. The
practitioner who saw this said it is no small thing for a
non-practitioner to be married to a Fa rectification disciple. On some
level, my husband understands that also.

Teacher's arrangements for each of his disciples are very mysterious
but one day we will know how everyone around us has contributed to our
mission. I am very grateful for the support and protection my husband
provides as I continue down my path.

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